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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for 50% of pizza cost from friend?

242 replies

rainonmetonightnel · 09/06/2023 21:16

I had a friend over who's actually my SIL also.

She suggested getting a Papa John's when I said I could do us a just salad for lunch

I said that sounded nice, so ordered it from my app on the just eat app.

It came and I went to have a slice. She had plated herself up with half the pizza, despite me mentioning previously that I'd give DS a slice or two when he came home, as a treat (he really likes cold pizza!)

She hasn't mentioned paying me back, at all

When she was finished eating, all of it was gone

We ordered a large pizza

AIBU to ask for 50%? She also drank most of the 7UP

OP posts:
KiteSirfer · 10/06/2023 10:02

I think she was rude to ask for pizza delivery.

It was only lunch, so salad and a few bits is fine, if still hungry she surely could have waited and had an extra snack at home?? She sounds quite greedy and grabby.

Dorrmouse · 10/06/2023 10:10

I've learned over the years when someone suggests this kind of thing "as a treat" one response that works is, "Brilliant idea, SIL, do you want to go ahead and order? I'll get the plates out".

It's amazing how many times people back down when they realise you won't be taken for a mug any more.

You had offered her a very nice alternative already that you had in the freezer and house. This incident puts me in mind of a very pretentious university acquaintance who used to take taxis everywhere despite being on a tiny grant (as they were then). She ended up graduating with thousands of pounds of debt, at a time when the average debt was less than a thousand pounds (I'm old).

BallandBoe · 10/06/2023 10:18

All those posters saying "I wouldn't thank you for salad" need to have a word with themselves. SO f*ing rude. So rude.

Graciously accept the effort that your host has kindly gone to. If you are still hungry after then eat when you get home.

F* me, there are so many arseholes here.

StrugglingWeight · 10/06/2023 10:36

JaffaCake70 · 10/06/2023 04:50

Those large Papa John pizzas are massive. I've got a big appetite but I'd struggle to eat half of one.

I'd say she's a CF to press you to buy the pizza but then not contribute towards the cost. But I think the moment has gone now, you should have sorted how it was being paid for before you ordered it.

Put this one down to experience, let her pay next time.

Show quote history

If you'd struggle to eat half then you don't have a big appetite do you?

When ordering with friends the standard order is half a pizza each. I think at various points I've seen most of my friends polish off a whole pizza.

aSofaNearYou · 10/06/2023 10:41

BallandBoe · 10/06/2023 10:18

All those posters saying "I wouldn't thank you for salad" need to have a word with themselves. SO f*ing rude. So rude.

Graciously accept the effort that your host has kindly gone to. If you are still hungry after then eat when you get home.

F* me, there are so many arseholes here.

I would certainly say Thankyou for whatever was made for me, but I don't see what's wrong with suggesting takeaway.

When I have friends over, it's the seeing each other that is the point, and the pre planned bit. What we're going to eat won't have been pre-discussed, it'd just be spontaneously decided when they were there. It's not like a dinner party where the host will have put thought and planning into what they were serving you, so it would be rude to throw a spanner into the works.

Also, if I had someone over and they tried to steer me away from salad, I wouldn't be surprised and would take that as an indication that they are not the kind of person who would view salad as filling enough. It's a "teeny tinies" thing to me - most people I know would be thinking "of fuck" at the idea of a salad and I wouldn't be surprised or offended by that, if you know what I mean. A sandwich would be a better suggestion.

But yes, these issues are separate to whether it was rude not to offer to pay. But I really don't see the problem with suggesting they get a takeaway rather than have a salad.

StrugglingWeight · 10/06/2023 10:41

There are some key details missing really

Did you invite your friend for lunch? Was it a nice salad or a basic salad?

Personally I think your friend should pay half as she suggested it and OP had offered a suitable lunch. However this conversation should have been had at the time. It's also unclear if you agreed with the pizza buying or if you protested.

Half a pizza is perfectly reasonable amount to take. And I also think drinking the 7up is reasonable. If there's a bottle of drink on the table I'd assume it was for drinking and probably just keep pouring. I would assume you were taking your share

StrugglingWeight · 10/06/2023 10:44

If OP has gone to the effort of making a nice salad then yes I'd graciously accept and eat it

If its more of a I could make us a salad from what I've got in the fridge situation then I'd maybe suggest getting a pizza in

kelsaycobbles · 10/06/2023 10:48

It's not reasonable to take half when it was discussed as being for 3 people

aSofaNearYou · 10/06/2023 10:51

kelsaycobbles · 10/06/2023 10:48

It's not reasonable to take half when it was discussed as being for 3 people

It wasn't discussed, OP just said she would give him a slice or two. I'd have assumed she meant from her half, too, because I'd be thinking it was the right amount between two and I wouldn't want to split it further, but if that's what she wanted to do with her bit then fair enough. I'd have assumed if she was wanting me to forgo some for him, she'd have asked rather than just declaring.

I'd have also offered to pay, though.

kelsaycobbles · 10/06/2023 11:17

Well if the other person was buying the pizza yes I would have interpreted the couple of slices as "from my half" but since she paid for the pizza it's hers to divvy up as she likes and she made it clear a 3 way split

zingally · 10/06/2023 11:48

You didn't have to order it.

TBH, I'd let it go. Drama with a friend AND relation just isn't worth the cost of a £20 pizza.

kelsaycobbles · 10/06/2023 11:54

Yip you have to let it go now - the time to raise it would have been when /before making the order

Scalottia · 10/06/2023 12:02

Why is it that so many people on MN cannot manage to speak up about things? OP you should have mentioned the money when she suggested the pizza!

To the people saying 'oh I can only manage 2 slices of pizza before I feel ill' or 'offering just a salad is rude' - give over.

Inmydreams88 · 10/06/2023 12:03

You say she's a friend and also a close family member so I assume you know her very well? Does she do this type of thing a lot with money? I'm assuming not as you were willing to order the pizza despite you seem to be against the idea. I'm also assuming you could afford the pizza as you ordered it and didn't discuss there and then how it was going to be paid for.

It's not unreasonable for you to assume she would be paying half, and I don't think it's too late for you to text her politely reminding her about it.

But you do sound very petty, this isn't some random person its your friend and family member. It's only a pizza and some 7up, did it really bother you that much? I'd say suck it up, lesson learned, next time she wants a take-away lunch just say no sorry.

Scalottia · 10/06/2023 12:06

Also it is very telling how many posters are throwing around 'greedy' and 'pig' etc...Go take your competitive under-eating issues to an eating disorders forum...None of us are interested in your tiny salads.

kelsaycobbles · 10/06/2023 12:22

I can quite understand if the OP find "just a pizza and sone 7up" rather more expensive than she can comfortably cope with - that attitude of "just" is giving a message

kelsaycobbles · 10/06/2023 12:23

It is always greedy to take more than a fair share

Taking half of a pizza for 3 is greedy no matter how hungry you are

And the op did say she would but it for the 3 of them not 2

BadLad · 10/06/2023 12:25

In future, do this:

SiL: let’s have takeaway pizza.
You: (after checking price) Eleven quid each, is that OK? Or do you fancy the ones in the freezer?

Prescottdanni123 · 10/06/2023 12:35

If it was a really big pizza, why didn't you leave a couple of slices for your son?

ChristmasFluff · 10/06/2023 12:37

Maybe your SIL/friend was thoughtless. And possibly knows you are a doormat people-pleaser and took advantage.

But the main reason you are being unreasonable is because you expect other people to act like you do. Why? It's a really inaccurate way to view the world and a very unreasonable expectation to have of others - because it implies people should always have 'the way you would act' as the centre of their focus.

In fact, people act according to who they are, not according to how you are. Accepting that will solve a lot of problems and will show how it is pointless to try to demonstrate to people how to behave by sacrificing yourself.

It means you will put in boundaries and not be walked all over.

Having said that, I'd not expect someone else to not eat their half of the pizza because of my own child, who wasn't even there. So very probably neither did she.

dreamonlucid · 10/06/2023 12:41

I guess he though a salad wasn't filling enough, so she asked for more and you ordered it!

I don't think you should ask for money from a guest, you maybe should have planned to feed her more? Or have extra around the house to add to the salad?

Opaque11 · 10/06/2023 12:44

I would much rather a pizza than a bloody salad. I would leave it, embarrassing squabbling over a pizza. Next time tell her to come over after lunch.

Rockbird · 10/06/2023 12:56

Regardless of the cost/piggery issue, how rude is it to turn up at someone's house for lunch and when they offer the large salad they've prepared to say 'nah don't fancy that, order me a pizza instead'. That would really piss me off.

BadLad · 10/06/2023 13:04

Rockbird · 10/06/2023 12:56

Regardless of the cost/piggery issue, how rude is it to turn up at someone's house for lunch and when they offer the large salad they've prepared to say 'nah don't fancy that, order me a pizza instead'. That would really piss me off.

The OP implies that the salad hadn’t been prepared when SiL suggested pizza.

kelsaycobbles · 10/06/2023 13:26

It doesn't matter if it wasn't ready - it was still offered.

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