AIBU unreasonable to ask houseguest not to use the hairdryer at 1.30 am?

[houseguesthair]

I have a friend staying in my flat with her friend. Haven't seen them much as they're out visiting during the day till late and I'm at work during the day. It's a smallish city flat - 3 bedrooms.

Friend and her friend got back late last night and took long showers around midnight - I don't have an issue with that but wouldn't have done it at someone else's house if I thought they could hear and knew they were working the next day.

I then heard what I thought was the hairdryer about an hour later, I waited 10 minutes and it was still going so I got up and told friend of friend who was giving herself a bona fida blow dry in the bathroom next to my bedroom that it was too late to be using the hairdryer and that it was too loud for me and for the neighbors as she also had the window open. She grudgingly stopped and turned it off.

This morning I asked her while I was making coffee if she had slept well, she replied no in a really passive agressive way that she hadn't slept well because she had wet hair and had gotten bitten by mosquitos.

WIBU to ask her to turn the hairdryer off at 1.30 am? She seemed really pissed off with me this morning - even though I'm putting them up for free in a very expensive city for 5 days...

She sounds delightful! Hope this evening is better

Very well handled OP - bravo! No seething resentment on your part and no damage to your friendship.

@BonnieGlasses @Budikka I get it I do !!! But whenever I go to London I find that everyone has much bigger living spaces than we do here ( same socio economic profiles - so thats not at play) - so wanted to underline the fact that even though there are three bedrooms it's "smallish".

For example all these three beds are much bigger than my place!

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/135020450#/?channel=RES_LET
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/135623006#/?channel=RES_LET
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/135888842#/?channel=RES_LET
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/134941310#/?channel=RES_LET

Don’t be ridiculous. What sort of ‘things’ do you think you will have on your body from the ‘city’ that are too disgusting to have on you while you sleep 😂 what is it about the ‘city’ that you deem so repugnant! I live rurally but still don’t feel the need to de-lice myself when I return from working in London 🙄 and even if I did have that mindset, I’d be too concerned with disturbing my very hospitable host with washing off the revolting city secretions.

@houseguesthair this woman sounds awful, you're not being unreasonable at all, not one bit. I'm wondering if you're in Amsterdam. I lived there for a while and the rooms in some flats are tiny, plus the mozzies are a plague if you don't have a net over the bed. We had loads of visitors when we lived there, but thankfully none like the CF.

Friend of Friend is a rude little piece!

Staying in someone elses home, you don't make noise after they've gone to bed, if you need a shower, quick in and out and if you have to use a hairdryer on your hair, skip it til morning!

Hope Friend causes CF to belt up or fuck off OP. Must be pretty horrid for her realising that her new friend is a twatbag!

YANBU OP. Something tells me that CFF won’t take kindly to being asked to be more considerate. I’d put away anything you don’t want ‘accidentally’ broken.

But it sounds like your friend is sensible. Hope things improve.

She sounds really rude. I hope you and your friends manage her tonight.

I think you’ve handled this really well and if you do see friend of friend later then I’d be tempted to tell them to stay elsewhere with or without your nicer friend.

I still can’t believe the cheek of some people, making noise they know would or could wake you yet they still do it and then whinge about their hair being wet when it could’ve been washed the next day!

I live in London and take public transport most days. You're sitting on seats, holding on to handles etc that hundreds of people have used. There's lots of pollution in the air, clinging to your hair and skin. It's been warm here for over a week.

I personally can't get into bed without having a shower, even if I've not been out all day. But throw in a full day out in a polluted city on a warm day? You've got to be a minger to not then shower, sorry. 😱

Fine then get home at a reasonable hour so you don’t wake your host.

Your desire for a shower does not trump the owner of the property's desire to sleep at 1.30am and not be awoken by your post-shower hairblowing.

I'm heading home , lovely friend will meet there me as will mutual friend. We don't know if CFF is back yet because she hasn't been in touch ... I'll let you all know what happens either probably very late this evening or tomorrow morning.

And again, I get the showering ! - I understand that but not for an hour - friend confirmed that she'd taken a quick 5 minute shower and that CFF was then in there for an hour! It's 30°C here so it's really normal to shower multiple times a day and late. I also feel grubby if I don't shower before bed in the city with the solution and public transport.

Showering in London seems to be a weird London thing I have never encountered in any city anywhere else in the world. People live and work in NYC and shower in the mornings. I doubt London is worse pollution-wise than NYC. This 'need' to shower after spending a day in London is batshit imo.

Long time London dweller here. I shower in the morning but if I've been out and about in this sort of weather (tube, buses, walking) then I've got a bit sweaty and grimy and I like a shower in the evening to feel refreshed and clean and relaxed after what might be a long day. Even more so when I was working in central London in offices where the A/C was a bit iffy once it got above the mid 20s.

Hope that's OK?

Those are all large expensive flats for London. The people who live in them would not refer to them as smallish. 😆

I think you may have higher standards than most of us, OP. Which is fine. Rich people need love, too. 😊

Perfectly OK to outline house rules: no showering after whatever time (that genuinely suits you) , no hair drying after xx time, no showers longer than 10 mins (an hour long shower in the UK would have been a dreadful abuse of a hosts electricity bill). Just explain that you are working, as are your neighbours and sound travels.

Dim and inconsiderate to have done all that late at night, unbelievably rude and entitled to behave as she did when you asked her to be quiet. She should have been positively grovelling, and repeated her apology this morning.

In support of OP and her nice visitor, my dad always showers in the evening. He says that it's a habit he's got into from his early life as a farmer in South Africa so wanted to get rid of the dust and sweat of a day out on the veld. He says he doesn't want to get the bed linen dirty.

I can see the same logic applying in a hot, dusty, sweaty European city

Personally, I prefer to shower in the morning - but that's because I've been brought up in cool Scotland

I go to bed with wet hair. Especially with it being as hot as it has been. Just wrap in a towel It's pretty much dry by morning just have to straighten. If I do use the hairdryer after about 10 though I do it downstairs. Not in my bedroom where I met disturb others sleeping. But I would rather have a shower in the morning to wake me up.

As I understand it the OP is saying ‘my version of a 3 bed flat is NOTHING like a London 3 bed. It is 3 tiny single bed broom cupboards and a teeny kitchen’ for example.

@houseguesthair

i hope Fof has decided to stay with her cousin instead!!

& you & friend have a lovely evening.

it's a shame for her that her new friend has turned out to be rude & inconsiderate.

@houseguesthair

its a shame it was your hair dryer, or at 1:30am I'd have wanted to shove it up her arse. Hairdryers make a horrible noise even at sociable hours.

😂😂😂

Spicedpumpkin, I presume you are not travelling naked