To like some acknowledgment that walking everywhere is bloody exhausting!

[squashedalmondcroissant]

Not really an AIBU but I have PMT and need a little handhold (lighthearted 😂).

I don't drive but I am fortunate that I only live a 30 minute walk from work. This is also the main town centre so all the shops/facilities that I would need are there. If I need anything or want to do anything, this is where I need to go.

That's all fine but I would just like some sort of acknowledgment or recognition from the people in my life that walking everywhere (and I do mean everywhere) is really really tiring and hard work! The part of the country I live in is widely acknowledged as being not very good with public transport so virtually everyone has a car and drives everywhere even if they don't need to. So it's very hard to get people to comprehend that if I want to do an activity or get something I need to a) walk to and from the place and b) carry any equipment I need with me or carry it home with me. It's bloody hard work! I have a massive backpack that I carry everywhere in case I need something from the shop while I'm out.

I don't complain about this IRL as I know it's just the way things are but it's just hard sometimes when no one around me 'gets it'.

For example, yesterday I walked DDog for around an hour, then walked to work, walked around at work (job is fairly physical with almost the whole time on my feet and lots of lifting boxes), then walked home. Today will be much the same. Some days I'm exhausted before I even get to work!

Aibu to want just a tiny grain of recognition that this is hard?

Plus I don't dr

I don't think people really care that you walk everywhere? Surely that's a choice you have made to walk? You could get taxis, a bike, a scooter, you could learn to drive... Everyone is tired for different reasons.

I live in Cornwall so I know how crap public transport is lol which is why I moved to somewhere with better public transport.

When you wanted to move in together this should have been a major factor in the decision making.

All you have to do is walk to work and back (or cycle) which is easy and not something that needs recognition.

Why do you need acknowledgement? Seems a bit needy to me…

Whatever your reasons are it does sound absolutely exhausting. I barely touch my car but I definitely feel more tired (which for me is a good thing) on days when I get my full 10k steps in. 20k every day would make me permanently exhausted.

Ffs. I don't drive and am a single parent. Does no one deliver to where you are? I get big deliveries but think nothing of talking a rucksack to the shops or wheeling compost a mile up hill in the trolley. Yeah, things ache sometimes but there's no choice here. You have a dp who could get the shopping or do it together.

Here you go! 😉

I get it op. I can't drive as I can't afford to learn and couldn't afford the extra car even if I could drive. We have nowhere to stop a bike, not can I afford one, and chaining it up outside would just get nicked where I live.

When dh is at work I walk to the shop which adds 45 minutes to a shopping trip compared to 5 in the car. I can't get it delivered if I only need a few things as it's adds £5 to the bill which we don't have, taxis cost £4 each way and the bus is £2 each way even though it's 2 stops. Getting to work takes 15 minutes by bus but I have to leave an hour early as busses are frequently cancelled last minute, late or just don't turn up.

A little acknowledgement that short 5 minute journeys in a car can take me half an hour walking from dh /friends who drive would be nice. Though since dh had to walk to work for a few days when the car was being fixed he complained much less when I ask him to call at the shop on the way home.

I’ve never driven and I am not a keen cyclist ( I find it terrifying tbh )
and I walk everywhere. My DH has a car but I barely go in it.
my kids are so used to walking they just chose to walk rather than bus even if they can.
It’s also much more healthy and I like to remind myself my carbon footprint is much smaller as I don’t drive.

@TooJoy yes it was a factor but I'm not going to insist that DP sell his house so we can move somewhere closer to a bus route, that would be insane 😂 Plus, as I already mentioned, even though it's a 30 minute walk I was an 8 mile walk away before so things have improved substantially!

Presuming you also walk to and from work then, since it's so easy?

Yaaay! Thank you 😁😁

It doesn't sound so bad to me - but only because I have the choice. If I'm choosing to do it, the weather is acceptable and I want to do it, so I'm going to enjoy it. If I don't feel well or am having a tired day, it would be hard to have no option. So I get that it's got to be challenging that you have to do it under all circumstances OP.

If you do an online shop I really can't see how its a regular occurrence for you to need an item immediately and it can't wait until later that night or the next day and your partner can bring it on his way home from work.

It sounds like your problem actually seems to be you moved to an area you don't want to be in, thats further from work and inconvenient as you don't drive, plus you have picked up lots of his extra chores like walking a dog and you feel your partner doesn't appreciate it.
Entirely different from wanting people to acknowledge that it takes more time/is harder to walk everywhere.

A little acknowledgement that short 5 minute journeys in a car can take me half an hour walking from dh /friends who drive would be nice.

What sort of acknowledgement do you mean?

I’d get a bike and keep it in the hall if you think it’s going to get stolen outside.

I don't want to be harsh OP but - your DP is the problem.

He could do the shopping. I know you'll say he can't, but he could if he really wanted to. He could walk the dog after his shift.

OR He could give you lifts. He could sort out somewhere to put the bike. He could buy you a bike because it's necessary in order for both of you to have food.

How much of the domestic burden does he carry - not much, I don't think. And it sounds as though he is 'charging' you rent in the form of all this domestic labour. That's not right.

You might want to be with him because you love him. Why does he want to be with you though? Is it because life is much easier for him when he is?

This isn’t really true though. I do drive but we live in an area with great public transport and cycle to work so would manage fairly well if we didn’t have a car/didn’t drive. It’s all choices you make.

You owe me a tenner then, because I only drive when absolutely necessary - to work or places inaccessible on foot/public transport. And I stated this further upthread ;)

And as the driver I wouldn't make my spouse struggle unnecessarily...

I don't think it's that insane actually. If this is a long term relationship, the place you live has to serve the needs of both people.

I’ll acknowledge how tiring it can be OP. I have a car. I drive. I’m a nurse who spends all shift on my feet, 14 hours shifts. But I also have a toddler who bloody loves just walking. So my days off are spent walking, and walking and walking. It’s exhausting! X

At least make him walk his own dog.

Why would it be insane?

There are lots of people who can’t move in with their DP because it’s too far from work or they move because one can WFH/drive but the other can’t.

Until the last 2 years I have never been able to drive.

As a single parent working full time I would have to walk my child to the childminder then walk the opposite direction to get to work, be on my feet all day at work and then do the opposite on the way home.

I didn’t have a DP to do the shopping or collect anything heavy so I’d either have to get it delivered, get a taxi or walk.

Just the walking to and from work/the childminders was taking 3+ hours out of my day which I couldn’t sustain so I had to move.

I never asked for recognition for not driving.

Your DH managed to get his own shopping and walk his own dog before you got there so I’m not sure why he can’t do it now.

Are you lovely and slim? I ask because it's always said that people are fat because they drive everywhere so I'd love to know if getting rid of the car really would work as a weight loss method? It's a big factor in the whole 15 minute cities theory.

As for learning to drive in your DP's car, you are over-complicating it. Do what teenagers have done for decades and get him to take you to a big empty car park somewhere for a go at learning the basics. You can't do much damage to the car or anyone else in that environment. Maybe progress on to a quiet housing estate. If you have at least had a go of the controls before you take a formal lesson on the road with an instructor you'll progress more quickly and spend less money.

Your partner managed to do shopping and walk his dog before you moved in. He should carry on doing this now.

You’ve made life much harder for yourself by getting a dog. Walking the dog for an hour is the same as your walking commute to and from work. You’d virtually halve the amount you walk a day if you didn’t have a dog.

So recognition here. I walk everywhere too, I don’t need a medal.

Are you lovely and slim? I ask because it's always said that people are fat because they drive everywhere so I'd love to know if getting rid of the car really would work as a weight loss method? It's a big factor in the whole 15 minute cities theory.

Works well for me.* *Though I am in my 50s, so I still can't eat everything I like. I am a fan of 15 minute cities.