To like some acknowledgment that walking everywhere is bloody exhausting!

[squashedalmondcroissant]

Not really an AIBU but I have PMT and need a little handhold (lighthearted 😂).

I don't drive but I am fortunate that I only live a 30 minute walk from work. This is also the main town centre so all the shops/facilities that I would need are there. If I need anything or want to do anything, this is where I need to go.

That's all fine but I would just like some sort of acknowledgment or recognition from the people in my life that walking everywhere (and I do mean everywhere) is really really tiring and hard work! The part of the country I live in is widely acknowledged as being not very good with public transport so virtually everyone has a car and drives everywhere even if they don't need to. So it's very hard to get people to comprehend that if I want to do an activity or get something I need to a) walk to and from the place and b) carry any equipment I need with me or carry it home with me. It's bloody hard work! I have a massive backpack that I carry everywhere in case I need something from the shop while I'm out.

I don't complain about this IRL as I know it's just the way things are but it's just hard sometimes when no one around me 'gets it'.

For example, yesterday I walked DDog for around an hour, then walked to work, walked around at work (job is fairly physical with almost the whole time on my feet and lots of lifting boxes), then walked home. Today will be much the same. Some days I'm exhausted before I even get to work!

Aibu to want just a tiny grain of recognition that this is hard?

Being on your feet all day is tiring without the added pressure to walk DP's dog and do heavy shopping. Do online food shop once a week. Meal plan and list so you don't need to top up or get DP to collect on his way home especially heavy things like compost. See if work offers a bike to work tax saving scheme or buy second hand. Get panniers so if you do shopping it's easier to carry. Best of luck.

I walk most places because I hate driving. I do have the option though as we have a car and I can drive, so I wouldn’t complain or expect acknowledgment, it’s my choice.

Yes it is tiring. And takes longer. And limits how much you can schlep eg supermarket shops are always limited to how much I can carry (we get most stuff delivered).

But it’s so much healthier that I reckon it’s worth it. Also being outside a lot makes me happy in a way that driving really really doesn’t.

I hope you manage to sort out a bike, it seems perfect for you. If you have a front garden it can be kept there under a tarp. Or in the hallway - ok it may be a pai to get past but if it makes your day to day life a lot easier then it’s worth it.

Exactly! The mind boggles. How has he suddenly become incapable of these things

Also your partner managed to shop for all his basic needs before you moved in. But somehow of course it isn't possible now. Poor dote.

Out of interest, how many steps do you do in a typical day, do you know?

Also, why don’t you treat yourself to an Uber home when you’ve had a particularly tough day? Like the last Friday of the month, or every other Monday or whatever. You’ll get home earlier and be able to get your feet up. You said you live in a tourist hotspot so presume taxis and ubers are available.

You must be as fit as a fiddle and that’s fine if you’re in your late 30s, but you don’t want to be walking miles in the winter when you’re in your 50s and 60s. You need to drive.

I walk a lot of places too. It takes longer but it keeps me fit and I see more nature so I like it.
You have a DP problem. You should be able to afford a cheap bike now you have moved in with him. Are you paying towards his mortgage or just bills? Why do you have to ask him if you can buy a bike? Why are you walking HIS dog twice a day when you have a physical job (sounds like you are on your feet all day?) I think he might be taking advantage of you, sorry.

Literally?😂 I don’t get it

By acknowledgement from friends I mean not changing the time/place we'd agreed to meet to one I can't get to by bus/easily walking or on days out with the kids saying "let's go to McDonald's" in front of the kids knowing it'll take me an hour by bus or walking to get there but 15 minutes in the car for them.

My hallway is 1m x 70cm so a bike won't fit. Not everyone has space to store bikes inside or the money to buy an outside storage space.

I moved in with DP so I didn't choose to live where I live or to have a dog (DDog is his but I help out a lot due to his work shifts and it just being the decent and reasonable thing to do)

Op you have the weirdest attitude to your life! You didn't choose where to live? Of course you did, you chose to move in with your DP. You chose to move somewhere that it takes time to walk places, where there is little transport, when you hadn't chosen to learn to drive. You chose to move in with the dog. These are all CHOICES you have made.

And now you want everyone to acknowledge that walking places, because of your own choices, is hard? That is beyond weird.

Also weird is the banging on about compost being heavy and how people don't get it because they have cars... YOU have a car, in that the person you live with has a car. He can pick up the compost. He can drive you to do shopping etc.

As for you can't have a bike....I had a bike when I lived in a tiny studio, it hung an the wall in the hallway. Anyone can have a bike. You can live it outside with a cover on if you can't work out how to put it in your house.

Honestly, this whole thing is bonkers.

Of course it's hard. Why are you walking DD's dog. And get a bit more organised (online weekly shop) sk you dkn't have to carry a massjve back pack around.

I have no car & walk everywhere

im more worried that you’re martyring yourself for your partner

It’s his house why are you buying massive bags of compost for his garden?

Why are you responsible for shopping & walking his dog?

I get that your partners & support each other but you seem to be the one doing all the supporting.

If you split up tomorrow you could be homeless. Your Partner would cope on his own.

You’re being a martyr.

It is, but it doesn’t sound like you’re doing any of it for your benefit, just as part of your own life?

So not sure why it’s anything to do with them if it’s exhausting or not.

Yes, I think it is hard work when you aren't used to it, but you usually get used to it and get fitter unless there are other health conditions going on or you don't have enough sleep. Also doing manual work as well is definitely exhausting.

After having three kids and not being able to drive I had to walk them to nursery. That’s 30minutes up steep hills pushing twins in the pushchair and other walking with me. Back 15minutes to the train station and a 20minute walk to the office after getting off the train. The same again on the way home.

Goodness did I lose those baby pounds. Super fit but yes exhausted.
Look on the bright side I’m guessing you are super fit.

Why live somewhere with crap public transport if you don’t drive?

can you get a bike or an occasional taxi to/from places
walking is good for you so you must be quite fit which is great, but it’s too time consuming IMO to walk everywhere all the time.

Yeah your dp needs to do shopping and walk his own dog though! You're not his slave!

Asking DP to sell his house would not be insane. You could both move somewhere more accessible since he also has an hour commute.

@Whataretheodds , but in London at least there is usually fantastic public transport - there is in our corner of outer SW anyway. It’s not like doing without a car out in the sticks.

What stands out is that you/DP don't want to pay extra for the supermarket deliveries, but he also doesn't want to do the food shop because of his shifts, you're walking his dog (who would be doing this if his shifts aren't compatible with walking a dog), he's complaining about the dog walks you are doing, you're worrying about how to carry heavy things when there are alternatives, and you're both living in his house that's nowhere near a bus route for you AND he's commuting an hour by car.

It seems like this living arrangement and transport situation is really impractical for both of you and you're focusing on how little choice you have over the situation but PPs have shown there's options.

Unless there is a medical reason you can't drive then YABU.
Why should anyone recognise your choice to make life harder for yourself?
You move to a part of the country with excellent public transport or bike or scooter etc.

The Proclaimers have got nothing on you have they!!!

(Sorry - couldn’t help it!!)

I used to live like this as a teenager before I could drive - 30 min walk to town college and retail job at weekends so on feet/ lifting boxes all day. I was tired back then.

I have a physical job now, so on my feet all day now. Used to walk to the train station them from the train station to work. I now drive and park 15min walk away ( free parking). I walk the kids to school now - 2.5 mile round trip for me- twice a day.

I hear you its tiring and monotonous. Although it's exhausting, it's so good for your health long term. I struggled during lockdown with the massive reduction in physical activity and put on weight I've never lost. I can WFH now on some days and I struggle those days too. I'm not meant to sit still!

If definitely suggest a second hand bike to speed up the journey. Find somewhere on your journey to lock it too if you've no space at home. Yes there is a risk it will get nicked ( hence second hand). Also home delivery for big shop is life changing.

She gave a figure in her post at 09:25.

Out of interest, do you know about "see All" at the bottom of the OP?

(Or in the App it's "filter")

i believe the acknowledgment you want is from your partner.

As my granny would have said ‘you’re making a skivvy of yourself for that man’.

Idk, I’ve never needed someone to acknowledge walking is a lot of effort and I walk absolutely everywhere too. But then again I don’t want to drive so I don’t complain or ask for lifts either. It’d be weird for someone to turn around and randomly say “well done for choosing not to drive! Walking everywhere must be so exhausting”.