To be so upset at a strangers passive aggressive remarks (Blue Badge)

[Tryingtogetonwithit]

Today in tesco carpark loading my shopping into the car with my teen daughter a lady n the row of cars behind me exclaimed loudly while helping her elderly mother out of the car "I can't believe everyone using the disabled spaces are actually disabled, look they are leaving now should we move" she continued talking but I couldn't here but didn't stop staring at me.

For clarity I have MS I usually walk with a stick but in tesco I use trolley for balance. I drive my own car and have the audacity to go out in public and do my own shopping. I have had comments before (even one man asking me to show him my blue badge!!) today just hit deep, I don't know why maybe because I was with my daughter and didn't want to make a scene.

It's taken me years to come to terms having MS and I held out for a long time not getting a blue badge. I have been medically Retired from a job I adored and didn't pass probationary period on another due to sick leave. I am currently unemployed and looks like I will be for the foreseeable as I'm so up and down healthwise. Single mum to teens/young adults and never seen myself ever being a benefits claimer, worked from i was 15, further education, married and had kids (before divorce) it gets me down daily my life isn't what I worked so hard for.

People don't realise and or maybe don't care how hurtful a passing comment can be when you are struggling.

Sorry for the post, somehow it's been carthitic letting it go in the ether of MN lol

YANBU you have a blue badge. They have made an assumption because you look young. They were rude.

YANBU. I've had this with my mum, who has a BB. I just give them shit back. Fuck being the bigger person.

some people think that a blue badge is only for wheel chair users, a lot of disability’s are invisible. Just ignore them they are ignorant and rude. I have a similar problem, we hold a badge for my asd son who is 16 , I have had comments too.
Unfortunately there are a minority that misuse disabled parking spots

Who voted YABU?! 🙄

YANBU to be upset about being confronted. People shouldn't be confronting or talking loudly about you to make a point.

Folk do though. They're wankers.

When i used to take my elderly mum to tesco with blue badge she used to slowly walk with her sticks into and out of the store while i did the running about getting trollys/wheelchairs/bags/packing car. Inevitably there were times when i was at or around the car (parked in blue badge bay) and my mum was still some distance away and i often got the tutting or comments from nosy sods thinking they knew better.

They were all embarrassed when put right and/or saw my mum.

Tip for how to not be a twat - keep your beak out!

OP

You're not at all unreasonable and as Vickibee says, a lot of disabilities are invisible.

I'm sorry you had to experience this, OP - people can be awful.

Would it make you feel better to hear about one of my recent experiences about how BB holders can be treated by idiots?

I went away for a few days recently with a friend who has severe mobility problems and other chronic health issues, so holds a BB, but is still ordinarily perfectly capable of driving and getting about.

Travelling home, she felt very unwell, so I took over driving (in her car) and we pulled into a service station and parked up in a disabled space.

As I (early 40s but look a bit younger, no disabilities etc) was getting out of the driver's side to help my friend out, I heard a man go off on one about how it was 'ridiculous' and that I was a cheat, exploiting the system etc.

I was feeling a bit fighty anyway (traffic had been bad and I urgently needed a coffee!), so I walked over and told him in no uncertain terms about the situation, but also that many disabilities are invisible and that you should never assume.

I very much enjoyed turning on my heel and leaving him and his wife with no comeback... ('and then everybody clapped'! 😄).

Now, perhaps I wasted a lot of energy on an arsehole and he'll continue being an arsehole, but perhaps - just perhaps - I gave him something to think about.

I hope so.

Anyway, as I say, I'm sorry you feel rubbish, but you know you're completely within your rights and I hope you feel better soon.

OP you will have to develop a thick skin and an attitude of ignoring people like this. You should not have to deal with this sort of thing, but it's better simply not to engage with idiots. Just act as if they are not there.

Ignore ignore ignore.

Blue badge holders have to jump through hoops, they don't give them away.

People unfortunately think blue badges are just for wheel chair users and it elderly people
My son has one as he has severe autism and learning disabilities he's automatically entitled as he gets HRM,under SMI rules ( DLA) we also have mobility car but some people can't get their heads around why he's entitled.

My two ASD kids have blue badges and we always get tutts and comments. I just ignore.

I have a family member with a blue badge. Some days he can’t walk at all, some days he can walk for an hour or so. He’s had many “situations” shall we say and has learned to enjoy the anticipation of shitting people up with his blue badge after he’s seemingly walked out of car like a regular person and telling them not all disabilities are visible.

Fuck em. People are judgey and uneducated.

Did you say anything to her OP? I would have put the ignorant woman in her place.

Sorry, that was supposed to be “shutting” 😩

YABU to take it personally.

Honestly, some people are just ignorant and/or dumb and if they're too stupid to realise that many disabilities aren't always visible, then they're clearly not your sort of person and not worth bothering with.

Personally I would have put her in her place or told her that they have special spaces for ignorant people at the back of the carpark so why doesn't she go and park over there!

Are you sure they were aiming that comment at you? To me it reads like "look, they are leaving now, should we move the car in their space, it doesn't matter we haven't got a blue badge". Apologies if I misinterpreted, if it was aimed at you then obviously that's low.

I can't believe everyone using the disabled spaces are actually disabled, look they are leaving now should we move

Did she pause in between , as they could be two separate statements. One a general comment about the whole row, the other saying do you want to get back in the car Mum and we take their place since they are leaving?

I've never had a problem, my badge is on prominent display.

Why do people do this, do they see themselves as defenders of disabled people when actually they're attacking people with disabilities? YANBU they need to fuck off and mind their own business.

But was that actually directed at you? It sounds more to me like a dimwitted but non-malicious comment about how busy the disabled parking bays are, and that some people with no blue badges do park there, taking up spaces people with disabilities actually need (which I have no difficulty believing).

I have a young-ish friend who gets a lot of shit from people, nearly always older people, who assume she's illegally nabbing a spot. A lot of elderly people seem to think blue badge spaces are for those who are elderly and disabled rather than any age and disabled.

I get this all the time. I have lupus and other chronic joint issues and also suffer from uncontrollable stomach problems. I don’t use a stick to walk and I walk fine but often have a lot of pain and I can suddenly need to be back to my car very quickly- stomach problems- so that’s why I have the badge. The amount of looks and tuts I get is unreal. Mainly to be honest from elderly people.

You've got a blue badge, next time either tell them to mind their own business, or just give them a 'look ' then ignore.

I think people do eg at a railway station when they are parking there for a short time and think nobody will notice if they pop into a disabled bay while collecting someone.

But not in car parks because they know they will get a ticket if a traffic warden comes around. And if you are in a private car park they will also have wardens and cameras and might send a parking fine.

Of course you have the parents who think having kids entitles them to park in a disabled bay if there are no P&C spaces. But we know they are entitled twotsits. I'd like to see them fined every time.

One of my neighbours, who took no prisoners, had a bumper sticker which said something like "I don't look disabled? You don't look stupid, but there we go.."

You need a neat sharp response to shut them up.
Actually I have ms and an intolerance ignorant people.
Hopefully other posters will come along with something better.
Sorry op, really sorry that people are so awful

Ooh OP you should definitely get that ^ sticker for your car window!

Marvellous !!

I'm so sorry you feel rubbish; I can really empathise. I was dx with MS about 20 years ago, when dh was being an absolute abusive arse, and dd was tiny, so I know what it's like to have everything taken away from you by MS. My own father in law said "hmmoh, well, you look all right to me" when he found I had a BB.

What type of MS do you have at present? If r/r then it is perfectly possible that you will recover almost fully and be able to take up the reins of your life again. Under what circumstances did you end the job you loved? I was hounded out of mine, as they knew they couldn't sack me but could only move me and leave me moldering away in some corner doing some sort of make-work but wtill having to pay me the salary I was on which was high, even for my position. I was urged to go for unfair dismissal but was just too ill and without the physical or mental energy to take on the fight. Of course, I do regret it, I would almost certainly have won and got a good payout, such were the times when it happened.

We have lost a lot from our lives, what was our lives; and our expectations and efforts for the future are now gone, and we have to find different ones. Your life isn't over, but it is OK to grieve for what you've lost. Allow yourself to do that.

The other thing is, there are arseholes everywhere, and if you tell them - combatively or gently - they might learn something. It's not our job to do it, but it's worth it. I tend to do it gently with a smile because that's how I am, though I'm capable of being combative, I'd prefer not to have to be. I like to keep the small amount of energy I have for things which are more important to me.

Grieve when you feel like it; it's not a bad action it's a necessary one. It's OK to feel sad, but there's so much more to life and it is there, I promise.