To be so upset at a strangers passive aggressive remarks (Blue Badge)

[Tryingtogetonwithit]

Today in tesco carpark loading my shopping into the car with my teen daughter a lady n the row of cars behind me exclaimed loudly while helping her elderly mother out of the car "I can't believe everyone using the disabled spaces are actually disabled, look they are leaving now should we move" she continued talking but I couldn't here but didn't stop staring at me.

For clarity I have MS I usually walk with a stick but in tesco I use trolley for balance. I drive my own car and have the audacity to go out in public and do my own shopping. I have had comments before (even one man asking me to show him my blue badge!!) today just hit deep, I don't know why maybe because I was with my daughter and didn't want to make a scene.

It's taken me years to come to terms having MS and I held out for a long time not getting a blue badge. I have been medically Retired from a job I adored and didn't pass probationary period on another due to sick leave. I am currently unemployed and looks like I will be for the foreseeable as I'm so up and down healthwise. Single mum to teens/young adults and never seen myself ever being a benefits claimer, worked from i was 15, further education, married and had kids (before divorce) it gets me down daily my life isn't what I worked so hard for.

People don't realise and or maybe don't care how hurtful a passing comment can be when you are struggling.

Sorry for the post, somehow it's been carthitic letting it go in the ether of MN lol

Not once did I bash any genuinely disable person or call them liars. Not once. I simply stated what I experienced and what I saw with my own eyes in response to a pp saying that bb fraud exists. And it does, whether you like it or not.

And bashing my DD - that's really big of you. She can get in and out of a car by herself, therefore no need for a bb.

So sorry you were upset. Since lockdown I've realised a lot of society are arseholes, just ignore them.

Similar situation worked my ass off till I was 30 then ended up with a disability that I can't control. Had to stop full time work then had to eventually give up part time which devastated me as I loved my job. I'm now 38 and only in the last 3 years decided after some family persuasion to try for benefits to help. I now have the blue badge and still feel guilty using it even tho some days I can barely walk into the shop and others I can.

And not that I should have to justify myself, but I have a spinal cord injury, as well as congenital spinal problems. Also debilitating migraines - as in multiple a week. Also a bum knee. But you know, I'm probably imaging all those as well. The x-ray machine must've been broken every time.

Fully admit to not RTFT.

Blue badges as I understand are there to help people park closer to their destination. I get that someone who's disabled with limited physical mobility would need this, but if you're able to get around ok, why the need for a blue badge? My MIL could really benefit from one due to bad arthritic knees but isn't entitled because she's not technically registered disabled.

You do not have to be registered disabled to get awarded a BB. Some people can claim a BB with a Pip award, or you can apply through your LA.

It was already clearly bullshit, and now they're high-fiving each other? 😂The shark has been well and truly jumped.

Thank you @LadyKenya I'll look into it for her👍

I voted YANBU because you have a blue badge so you have every right to use the space and people should know better than to judge if someone who needs a blue badge “looks” disabled.

HOWEVER - as someone who had a family member with a blue badge and who regularly needs to use parent & child spaces, I too can get frustrated sometimes. Not only do I see people regularly misusing parent and child spaces, I also then see many parents parking in disabled bays when they can’t get one!! I know several people that admit to doing this. (Which I find appalling) it’s infuriating when you really need the extra space and someone has got the last one because they don’t want to scratch their Ferrari…

giving this lady the benefit of the doubt, perhaps she was having an awful day, every place she’d been so far had mummy wagons in the disabled bays and her frail mum was tired and desperately needed to get to the loo. so, she made a bad snap judgement when she wouldn’t normally.

I am sorry it upset you, it’s a horrid feeling but I wouldn’t take it personally

We are getting a lot of reports about this thread - please be patient while we work our way through them all. In the meantime please remember that Mumsnet is intended as a place where we can give advice and make people's lives better - please stick to this in both content and spirit.

I just had this at the weekend at the Crematorium. I parked in the disabled bay, put my blue badge on the dashboard. Then got my grandson & his stroller out, to walk along a flat path to visit my dad's grave.

There were still other disability spaces available.

2 elderly woman parked behind me & made a big fuss to each other about how annoying it is when people park where they shouldn't

I ignored them. Fair enough they couldn't see my blue badge from where they were. And maybe it did seem odd that a disabled person was looking after a baby. On a bad day I couldn't have him, usually my teenage daughter helps look after him. On a good day I want to do normal things, especially as I won't be here to see him grow up. I was having a lovely time with him, & was so proud that I was able to be independent that day. Then those women's comments made me feel really bad. I wished after that I'd told them I have a blue badge because I have a terminal illness - but actually it's nothing to do with them.

I did almost exactly this once.

I wasn't able to park in the child spaces near the lift so had to negotiate my way across the supermarket car park with three under-fives.

When I got to the lifts, a 30-something woman was getting out of her car in the disabled parking spots. I can't remember exactly what I said, or whether I said it directly to her, or "under my breath" to the kids.

Anyway, she was mad with me. Fuming. She asked how dare I presume about her disabilities. Told me I was presumptious and arrogant.

I apologised but then had to wait for the lift with her eyes boring into my reddening neck.

Of course, she was absolutely right and I was absolutely wrong. Yes, I am in the fortunate position of not having to think about disability from day to day. Yes, I was ignorant and rude. I have no excuses and lots of regrets.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

There is no register of people with disabilities.

To get a blue badge you must score a certain amount of points under the mobility sections of PIP (or some other limited benefits) which are only awarded after medical evidence and assessments are completed by government departments / medically trained personnel employed by them; or, more rarely, based on a medical examination by doctors employed for this purpose by the local authority if not in receipt of qualifying benefits.

Whenever thread on blue badges starts, there's always an outcry about how many people are not really disabled (despite a host of doctors saying otherwise), but never any outcry about the number of people who die because they are denied the disability benfits they should have been entitled to...
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/jan/16/people-died-benefits-error
https://www.disabilitynewsservice.com/the-department-for-work-and-pensions-deaths-cover-up-and-a-toxic-30-year-legacy/
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-59067101

No doubt those people who died were denied benefits by people who were really great at laminating stuff, but had no medical qualifications. Their families will feel so much better knowing that judgemental laminating ex-"public servants" knew best.

I have two disabled children who both have blue badges in case I have one of them with me but not the other. They are both severely learning disabled. I have been lucky so far in that I haven't had any comments but I am ready for it!

I had a classic yesterday. I'm severely disabled with a back problem, the only way I can travel any distance is in our motorhome, as it enables us to stop as soon as I can't sit any longer, and I can lay down immediately, until the pain is under control again. This is simply not possible in a car. We parked up in a disabled bay, and a young woman shouted out to me, 'this is a disabled bay you know'. I told her I was disabled, and pointed at my BB, the look on her face was an absolute picture. So another lesson for all those who don't think before opening their mouth about things they know nothing about, don't always assume disabled people only travel by car!!

I was going to mention this guy. His videos are so sad. And the reason he has a blue badge is because he broke his back in a terrible accident! He’s been through enough without having to listen to idiots everyday.

I'm sorry you had to deal with this, OP. Disabled spaces are for disabled people. That's all there is to it.

Crikey that's awful

This happens to us a lot. My son has asd and drops out of the car to roll about on the floor. I'm not going to lie, if your rude to me about not looking disabled I'm rude. People get taken aback then I have to point out that they are the umpteenth disablist, disabled person who have Been vitriolic to us. I don't ask what their condition is. My son is very, very, very visibly not a bog standard child.

Good grief this has derailed a bit 😂 I've had a day to reflect and yes some people do abuse the system but I can assure anyone who needs to know, I'm not.

Blue badges are given to people who need them, anyone who qualifies can apply. Essentially the Blue Badge has absolutely changed my life I can walk (with a stick and varies depending on pain and wobbliness ) but limited walking, fatigue and very annoying incontinence issues meant I bearly went out alone the badge means I can park close to the shop I want to go to, I can go back to car if I need a rest and best of all can go into town and have a coffee with my older kids at uni. I can go out alone like any other grown adult human person.

I'm 45 and a little blue card has improved my life more than any of the drugs they have given me.

@WiddlinDiddlin that is horrific but sadly doesn't surprise me 😔 I think we can conclude some people are just dicks, I don't understand why they feel so entitled, must have very unfulfilled lives 🙄

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. YANBU at all. 💐

Yeh, someone thought I didn’t need a blue badge as I was young and asked if I was actually disabled. Whilst they were watching my fucking wheelchair being loaded into the car!

Blue badges aren't easy to get, be harsh and call them out, I had to step in once when a man was going a young woman a hard time about her badge, he was put right that she was recovering from a brain tumour and was left with disabilities.

I had abuse when I parked with my blue badge, a man stood & watched me put my badge on the dashboard then followed me in the supermarket shouting that if I could walk in the store I didn't need a badge. I've also had abuse for using a disabled toilet, I had wet myself while out with ds, gone to Sainsbury's to buy some leggings & pants so I could change, come out of the toilet & a man shouted that I wasn't disabled, I nearly stuffed the carrier bag with my pee soaked clothes up his nose.