To be so upset at a strangers passive aggressive remarks (Blue Badge)

[Tryingtogetonwithit]

Today in tesco carpark loading my shopping into the car with my teen daughter a lady n the row of cars behind me exclaimed loudly while helping her elderly mother out of the car "I can't believe everyone using the disabled spaces are actually disabled, look they are leaving now should we move" she continued talking but I couldn't here but didn't stop staring at me.

For clarity I have MS I usually walk with a stick but in tesco I use trolley for balance. I drive my own car and have the audacity to go out in public and do my own shopping. I have had comments before (even one man asking me to show him my blue badge!!) today just hit deep, I don't know why maybe because I was with my daughter and didn't want to make a scene.

It's taken me years to come to terms having MS and I held out for a long time not getting a blue badge. I have been medically Retired from a job I adored and didn't pass probationary period on another due to sick leave. I am currently unemployed and looks like I will be for the foreseeable as I'm so up and down healthwise. Single mum to teens/young adults and never seen myself ever being a benefits claimer, worked from i was 15, further education, married and had kids (before divorce) it gets me down daily my life isn't what I worked so hard for.

People don't realise and or maybe don't care how hurtful a passing comment can be when you are struggling.

Sorry for the post, somehow it's been carthitic letting it go in the ether of MN lol

I think “Not all disabilities are visible” needs to be a promoted on a huge scale. There could be signs in disabled parking bays and adverts showing this situation happening to people, similar to the autism ones that have been out lately.

I have MS too and I have been confronted more than once about the fact I have a badge. I make a point of taking care of my appearance, so I do look "ok" but I'm not I'm in pain, I'm tired and I have enough battles to deal with without having to "defend" myself to idiots who think I should fall out of my car into a wheelchair. The same as you some days I need my stick but I do my best not to use it as I don't want to give in to it yet. I also use the supermarket trolley for balance.

I've been shouted at, accused of using someone else's badge, I've had elderly people sidle up to my car to see if I've placed a badge in the window and on one occasion as I was still maneuvering my car into a space a man run up and knock on the window to tell me I'm parking in a disabled bay!

Dealing with the MS is easier then dealing with ignorant people

@IndigoLaFaye absolutely agree, I didn't realise that people assumed I was on benefits because I have a blue badge! I work very hard and I am lucky enough to have a very nice car, I have had someone comment that their taxes paid for that car! I also think it's another reason I get a lot of nasty comments as if your disabled you should be driving a sensible car or van to keep your wheelchair in.

@DustintheWindDude I can only speak for those of us who have MS and have badges, I look well. However, the MS causes extreme fatigue, due to the damage to my nervous system everything I do takes twice as much energy then someone without MS so just walking around a supermarket, walking to the car, unloading it, putting the trolley back is incredibly tiring. Just being parked a bit closer to the door, having less distance to walk, not having to struggle in and out of the car helps immensely. As well as fatigue, I suffer from pain and sensory overload if there's too much going on around me which cause me to start losing balance or fall.

The badge is a godsend and helps me have just a little freedom and independence when so much has been taken away (the career I loved, sports I loved etc)

I’m amazed at the number of people who take it upon themselves to police this stuff. I go to the supermarket and mostly manage to get around, in and out, without judging anyone or sticking my beak into stuff that’s not my concern. Weird.

I don't have issue with people speaking to people without badges including the pregnant quiet happy to speak to them especially the ones who I see run into the shop.

I've got a badge because I have a non visible disability. Some days (like today) it completely floors me and even getting off the sofa is a huge ordeal.

I've had people demand to see my badge, people tell me that the spaces are only for the elderly and wheelchairs (no mention of the person using the chair!!). My response varies depending on how tired/fatigued I am. A Paddington bear stare stops most people, or telling them that not every disability is a visible one so educate themselves. Some days I am half tempted to get that printed on cards.

Ignore the assholes, OP.

Oh yeah the disabled = benefits/not working is big! I refuse to go to a local market due to the assumptions that are made about me there. It makes you feel like you have to justify yourself - or it does me. For example in lockdown I got a dog, yes it was from a breeder and yes I paid a lot of money for her. Anyways, I was walking her around a little lake near to me, and this older couple started a conversation about their daughter buying a dog and they thought the price she paid was mad and I admitted I paid a lot for her as well, then immediately realised what they may assume so followed with “But hey it’s my wages that I work hard for so it’s my choice” or something to that effect. I felt like I had to make it very clear that I didn’t use benefit money to buy her. Not that I think you shouldn’t use benefit money to buy whatever the hell you like anyways!

I’m sorry op. People can be dicks.

Also, this bears repeating.

Blue badge holders have to jump through hoops, they don't give them away.

@IndigoLaFaye I'd honestly not realised that people think to get the badge you need benefits! I got the badge so I can have some semblance of life, I also think besides having a nice car I make a lot of effort to look well because I don't want to be treated differently to how I was before I got ill

I also have MS OP, I am past caring about what people think, if they are willing to take my MS, I will gladly give them my BB!

My husband has a blue badge, can't walk, paraplegic, drives a car with hand controls. It's not uncommon for other blue badge holders to stare at us before he gets out the car, more often from elderly badge holders. We are late 30's. One day an elderly woman got out of her car next to us, kept looking at us in our car, my husband had put his badge on the dash and she stood and watched us for ages, I could see her murmuring to her friend, we were finishing our conservation and I got out the car and waited for my husband. He then opened his door and assembled his wheelchair. Her face! She soon scarpered rather quickly with her walking stick😉

I do think ( rightly or wrongly) that some people think a blue is right of passage they have earned by reaching a certain age.

They can not fathom that some people are born disabled.. they really, really can't. They was not disabled at that age, so it doesn't compute. I have had to tell some people that disabled people don't get beamed down at 35. Some are born disabled.

They start being nasty as soon as you park up then get all offended when you tell them that. I'd defend my child to anyone who starts on us with disablist abuse in public. If they are really rude I ask why they have a blue badge before I will explain my child's medical condition to them to justify his disability. I feel like I spend my life explaining as it is