AIBU to think it’s rude to try to being siblings to a party?

[Amillionyearsago]

I know, I know - I missed a trick by not stating upfront on the invitation that we couldn’t have siblings. But seriously, I sent out some birthday party invitations this morning and have already had five requests that siblings come too. I have obviously replied politely to say that unfortunately we can’t do that this year, but AIBU to think that it’s really, really ill mannered, inconsiderate and entitled to ask and put people in that position in the first place?!

Most party entertainers will only accommodate a certain number of kids - you know, a number which often closely matches the number of kids in a Y1 class, for example. No, my child doesn’t want to not invite one of their friends so that your DH doesn’t have to look after his own toddler for the afternoon. If we wanted little Johnny to come, we would have invited him. As we didn’t, I think it’s fairly safe for you to assume that my DC wants to fill the limited available spaces at their own birthday party with their own friends, not a child they’ve never met. Yes, I appreciate that that means that you might not be able to come, which is a shame, but unfortunately that decision sits with you. It really isn’t reasonable to dump it in the lap of someone who already has 30 kids in their house and doesn’t really want to have 60. I don’t want to have to source different party bags for four different age groups or tailor the activities so your other children can do them too. Frankly, it was quite enough to be organising a party for one age group!

Phew. Rant over. Sorry, everyone. Back to the buying of horrendous plastic party bag tat…

No it's not rude to ask. It's rude to turn up without asking though.

My husband (only child) works weekends, his parents are dead and my family are all in Ireland so if both my children’s class parents had been like this neither of them would ever have been to a party. I always offered to pay entrance/food etc. never asked for party bags and always made sure I did parties that could accommodate siblings so I could return the favour. Unfortunately not all families work Monday - Friday, we worked different days so we had minimal childcare requirements due to cost but that meant 4 days a week one of us had both children on our own rest was childcare.

If I had a text from a single parent who absolutely had no choice but to bring their other child because they are genuinely on their own with no other family nearby to help, and the invited child was still to young for drop and go, then yes I would in that case allow them to bring the other child so the invited one didn’t miss out, honestly I’m not that stingy.

For my DD’s party though, I never had any such text and interestingly it wasn’t the children from single parent families who were turning up with siblings in tow, it was whole families with both parents who seemed to think it was some family afternoon out, or the type of parents who seem to think that siblings have to do everything together.

in any case, after this I did parties with an organised activity for 15 children at a venue who ticked off names of the invited children as they arrived, and I did what a pp above did with named food boxes for each child (had asked parents to RSVP with sandwich choice and any food allergies), and named party bags. They were closed events and kids were old enough for drop and leave by then so the whole childcare for other children thing was a non issue anyway.

I quite strongly feel that it is rude to expect your child to attend with their sibling, more than anything, the assumption that the host can just absorb the cost of any number of additional children, who the birthday boy/girl doesn’t even know. Birthday parties are very expensive and we always choose an option very carefully in line with what we can afford…to add several more can really push costs up.

Does this depend on the age of the child?
I took my 3 year old to a party today and we took her 3 month old baby sister. I didn’t ask first but obviously baby wasn’t eating food/ in soft play/ having a party bag. I was more surprised that others dropped and left at a preschool party xx

But you put pressure on the host which is why they occasionally let the sibling join.

Why should the birthday child have the guests they didn't invite. They want their own friends there. The thing with soft play is, actually, it's even less acceptable than with any other venue. Even if you pay your entry (which most won't, the host will feel they'll have to offer) the host will feel obliged to provide extra cake (do you realise they may even have to get a cake in a different size??), bags and may be even food or any other extras they are having for your sibling when they would most likely have had a limit on their child's friends and may be even have had to exclude friends' siblings with whom their child has more of a relationship than with yours whom the birthday child probably doesn't even know. Plus you aren't supervising the invitee kid properly since you have two now and they are either playing together or fighting, changing the dynamic of the party into a shit show

😂sweetness

Soft play is restricted by numbers like nowhere else since its often about £30 per pop or more before any other expenses (add ons, adult refreshments, cake, party bags, etc)
Just so rude and selfish

Yes, I've known a few like this.

It sounds like you hate people generally and you don't mind being a pain and inconveniencing others because it benefits you. That's why you are immediately abusive to the OP.
You also teach your kids how to be inconsiderate and selfish and that they are more important than others. More important than the the host family and the birthday child and their wishes.
It would make everyone's life easier if they could take all their kids with them but some people think of others. You are bulling and forcing your way into things and teaching the kid the same.

This, absolutely. The guilt-tripping.

Well, you must be lacking in social skills not to understand if the sibling's name isn't on the invite or otherwise specified they are welcome, they are not invited. If someone wants the sibling there, you'll be informed. This goes for all other events - no invite = uninvited. Do you ask to bring yourself and other uninvited people to other events? Why is it okay to do it to the birthday child?
How bullish. You must be a stockbroker.

At our local soft play it would have been 8×£30=£240 for the kids the birthday child doesn't know and doesn't want there.
While the parents are wondering why you invited those random siblings while they had to leave their younger kids at home.

So your other kid won't be taking up space at the parents' table, won't be accompanying the birthday party into the party room and you won't be supervising the invited kid since you are now dealing with the fairly young one?
What is the point in your being there? You should have dropped off in that case?
Why be so shitty to the host? I personally would avoid inviting you again.

Most venues don't charge for such a young baby so it's not as bad as bringing an older child.

Tell us about your parties then, who do you invite? Hospitable enough to invite 15-30 kids, with 1-2 siblings, so potentially 90-100 kids most of whom your child doesn't know?
Or are you the hospitable one that invites her mum friends with their broods rather than the child's actual friends?

This thread belongs in a different universe 😂

In the real world, I try to accommodate siblings where possible at parties, and neither of my kids has ever complained if there are "extra" children. The more the merrier actually. Likewise, I appreciate if it's possible for me to bring my other child to a party that isn't a drop off.

Never had an issue because most parents I know have some common sense and social skills.

This. Sometimes I feel MN is a parallel universe. How can people be so rude as to ask for an invitation?

I am in the fortunate position of having a large support network and as a result have never needed to even ask to take a sibling to a party.

However I recognised the privilege I have and am not so unkind to parents who request to bring a sibling to my DC party as they don’t have childcare and the invited sibling wouldn’t be able to attend. I can’t always facilitate but do where I can.

From my perspective as the person inviting - siblings are never named on an invite as the party is not for them. Doing so would increase a party for 20 to one for 50 which is not possible. However, if a parent is stuck and asks me directly, I will help if I can. I also don’t take offence at having to say no if i need to. I don’t know about your child but mine prefer their friend to attend with a sibling rather than not at all

I think it depends on the class to be honest. It was very much the norm for parents to stay at our school (year 2). When I held a party where parents couldn't stay I had to be explicit in the invite.

I'm very happy with drop and go parties, but it's not the done thing around here!

That's your assumption. My little one was barely a year old, and was happy in their pushchair with me.
If the host offered for them to join I'd 8/10 times decline anyway because it was more hassle for me and they were too small.

I've met a fair few dads who like cycling at the weekend AND relaxing after it, I live with one of them too (trying to not do that for much longer!). And a lot of these dads have form for not being able to prioritise their kids' activities at the weekend. Well they can but only after they've prioritised themselves!

It's completely different from parents who are single mothers, do shift work, have a husband working on rotation (3weeks away, 3 weeks home) etc.

But alongside those dads are also mothers who have no problem with their DH's weekend triathlon trainings and expect that other mothers should pick up the slack by inviting all their kids are to parties/hosting all their kids for a play date because their DH is "busy".

Yes, I've noticed this too.

My friend's dh won't ever take their dc to their swimming lessons on Saturday because he goes cycling.

I think it's fine that you've said no. Like you said not all parties can accommodate extra children and all of the food, activities etc will only take into account the number you have invited. My son has only had a soft play party last year but since I had made it clear that parents couldn't stay (I literally had to pay extra for each parent) then some brought siblings and took them down to the main bit and paid for them as if they were just taking them along to soft play on their own so it all worked out fine.