AIBU to think it’s rude to try to being siblings to a party?

[Amillionyearsago]

I know, I know - I missed a trick by not stating upfront on the invitation that we couldn’t have siblings. But seriously, I sent out some birthday party invitations this morning and have already had five requests that siblings come too. I have obviously replied politely to say that unfortunately we can’t do that this year, but AIBU to think that it’s really, really ill mannered, inconsiderate and entitled to ask and put people in that position in the first place?!

Most party entertainers will only accommodate a certain number of kids - you know, a number which often closely matches the number of kids in a Y1 class, for example. No, my child doesn’t want to not invite one of their friends so that your DH doesn’t have to look after his own toddler for the afternoon. If we wanted little Johnny to come, we would have invited him. As we didn’t, I think it’s fairly safe for you to assume that my DC wants to fill the limited available spaces at their own birthday party with their own friends, not a child they’ve never met. Yes, I appreciate that that means that you might not be able to come, which is a shame, but unfortunately that decision sits with you. It really isn’t reasonable to dump it in the lap of someone who already has 30 kids in their house and doesn’t really want to have 60. I don’t want to have to source different party bags for four different age groups or tailor the activities so your other children can do them too. Frankly, it was quite enough to be organising a party for one age group!

Phew. Rant over. Sorry, everyone. Back to the buying of horrendous plastic party bag tat…

We had a party for my daughters’ whole class at a soft play centre and had to pay per child. Part way through the party, the manager let us know that there were 8 extra children signed in under the party and that we had to pay for them. I refused and they presented us with the list of those who had signed in, and I highlighted the names of those who weren’t on the guest list. All were siblings. I think at some places around here, you pay for the venue and not per child, so it wouldn’t have been as bad there unless they were putting us over the limit. But I wasn’t paying extra for them. At the end, one older sibling (who was probably 12 at a 6 year old’s party) came and said “my nanna says I should ask for a party bag” and I had to tell them I only did the amount for the amount of kids we’d invited.

Yeah, this. Either you reserve the whole venue, or you accept that anyone else who wants to pay in has the same right to be there as you do. If you expect expect to dictate who's present, pay for that service. Don't think you're entitled to get it on the cheap.

Surely asking isnt rude if it's done in the right way?

I've usually found that the host specifically says if siblings are invited or not. With my eldest, her two brothers have sometimes come along for one's that are at a village hall. I bring their own food and a obviously don't take a party bag, but I do ask if it's ok. If it's something at a venue e.g. trampolining I don't ask. Soft play I'd ask if I can pay separately (and again, bring own food). That seems to be what most of the parents do if they have younger ones.

I will.however admit I was a bit grumpy about one sibling at my daughter's try birthday. The boy was in year 6, was very agressive in all the party games and broke several of my children's toys. He also ate a LOT more and shoved his way to the front and we ran out of cheese sandwhiches as he kept going back before other little ones had had one.... So I can see why you might not be keen!

*5th birthday,not try. Silly autocorrect...

Since when was this a thing? I’ve never, ever, held a birthday party or been to a birthday party where anyone thought the invitation might be extended to siblings. If the sibling is invited, their name will be on the invitation. And I would ALWAYS say no if someone was rude enough to ask. Why would my child at their tenth birthday party want a bunch of six year olds running around and spoiling it? Absolutely YANBU. The cheek of some people!!

I don't think yabu, op

Its cfer depending on location of party if its the village hall fine if its priced per child no way. You are paying for a child your dc doesn't know to attend their special day. Parents should at least offer to pay for the sibling.

All the parents in my children's school expect you to stay at the party. I am more than happy to drop and go but the expectation is that you will stay and watch your child. Whilst I can sometimes arrange childcare, sometimes it's just not possible so I politely ask if I can either leave one child there or bring the other and pay for them. If not, I would decline.

This is more of an issue for younger children's parties, say 5 or 6 where there is an expectation of staying to watch your child. By 10 I am desperately hoping I can leave my child there without parental supervision.

Lol many 10 year olds would be livid. How uncool having little kids at their party.

Have you made it clear they can drop and go? They are perhaps waiting for you to offer this option. Especially with whole class parties I wouldn’t presume you ha ld the capacity to watch them

Why should I pay for a child that my child doesn't know nor want to hang out with on their birthday. From around 6 onwards it should be drop and go or have a coffee in the corner. Its bloody weird hovering around , I've had to tell some parents to leave as there was no room for them as well.

I imagine it wasn't fun telling the individual parents they'd have to cover it, but i hope you did!

Surely you know each other and can ask another parent to be 'responsible' for your child as well if it's truly a problem for you.

@AllstarFacilier Did the manager get the money off of the other parents?

I wouldn't as it does not seem fair on the birthday kid, who is celebrating with their friends. If it is at a venue parents have to drive to it of course makes sense to bring their other children in, but there will be lots of other kids there anyway.

We have a family in the class who always self invites or simply drops off their much younger child to most parties we have had and have been to. It is too awkward to say no, but it is a hassle for the adults having to separately supervise a much younger child or to have slightly weird dynamics with their parent participating at the party (one is very intense and all about the 'experience' of the younger child). Without notice it is also awkward with party bags.

Of course its bloody rude! You dont ask to be invited to things!

I've usually found that the host specifically says if siblings are invited or not. With my eldest, her two brothers have sometimes come along for one's that are at a village hall. I bring their own food and a obviously don't take a party bag, but I do ask if it's ok. If it's something at a venue e.g. trampolining I don't ask. Soft play I'd ask if I can pay separately (and again, bring own food). That seems to be what most of the parents do if they have younger ones.

I dont understand this at all! So you completely admit you are a CF, if its not an issue to not take your younger ones when your eldest is trampolining why on earth would you ask at other times? Do you believe they should always be allowed to attend? Even going as far as paying for soft play so they are not left out? I feel really sorry for your dd that she cant go to a party with her friends without her younger rothers tagging along.

When my kids had parties and went to parties, people did no do whole class parties, 1 that would cost a fortune, 2 why invite someone who your kid does not play with and are not a friend. Also would never be so rude to ask for a younger sibling to stay, as parties are normally drop kid and leave, so no need for younger other sibling to stay. And it is also very entitled to expect a party bag for sibling. Do what is right for you.

Like lots of others, I don't think it's rude to ask like it isnt rude for you to say no. There are some types of party where its obvious that there is going to be a restriction on numbers (I.e. soft play, bowling, stuff where you typically pay for a set number of people), and I think it'd be a bit cheeky to ask then (but again no harm in saying no), but I feel like a party in a village hall with some music, games and food, it's really fair enough asking.
It becomes rude when people assume the siblings are invited and drop them off anyway, and if they get aggressive about it but a quick "is this OK? "No" conversation isn't rude on either part.

As an aside, bit presumptuous to think they want the sibling to come along because dh can't be arsed to look after his kid - perhaps, particularly if the sibling is younger, they're trying to get them socialise a bit more? Or perhaps the child feels more confident with their sibling there (which def used to be the case with me with my brother)? Or perhaps their partner is away that weekend and they're trying to work out how to let one child go to the party and look after the other with just one parent.

Please help me to understand this. What do people mean about no childcare for other kids?

Surely to god you drop off the invited child at the party with a gift & then you take your other kid(s) elsewhere until pick up time?

This is what I am not getting either.
The OP even said it was drop and go.

I genuinely don't understand....why can't the invited child go if the sibling can't? How is it different to going to Rainbows or football practice. I don't recall going everywhere with my sister as a child (though in fairness, we did a lot) and my 2 went to different events separately. Is it that one kid will cry/sulk or is it that you have to get them there. I can't remember pre school parties but certainly 5+ l used to drop and go. Is it different now?

I’ve never minded siblings coming along and joining in. I don’t provide extra food, but there might be a pack of pom bears hanging around. Tbh children’s parties that take up hundreds of weekends are a fair drag anyway - I certainly can’t be arsed to make other childcare arrangements around them. If little Johnny happens to be with me that day and it’s not a drop-off party, then he’s there!

(If it’s a drop off party, then yes it’s rude!)