AIBU to think it’s rude to try to being siblings to a party?

[Amillionyearsago]

I know, I know - I missed a trick by not stating upfront on the invitation that we couldn’t have siblings. But seriously, I sent out some birthday party invitations this morning and have already had five requests that siblings come too. I have obviously replied politely to say that unfortunately we can’t do that this year, but AIBU to think that it’s really, really ill mannered, inconsiderate and entitled to ask and put people in that position in the first place?!

Most party entertainers will only accommodate a certain number of kids - you know, a number which often closely matches the number of kids in a Y1 class, for example. No, my child doesn’t want to not invite one of their friends so that your DH doesn’t have to look after his own toddler for the afternoon. If we wanted little Johnny to come, we would have invited him. As we didn’t, I think it’s fairly safe for you to assume that my DC wants to fill the limited available spaces at their own birthday party with their own friends, not a child they’ve never met. Yes, I appreciate that that means that you might not be able to come, which is a shame, but unfortunately that decision sits with you. It really isn’t reasonable to dump it in the lap of someone who already has 30 kids in their house and doesn’t really want to have 60. I don’t want to have to source different party bags for four different age groups or tailor the activities so your other children can do them too. Frankly, it was quite enough to be organising a party for one age group!

Phew. Rant over. Sorry, everyone. Back to the buying of horrendous plastic party bag tat…

No siblings. I've had people try to leave sibs at parties with five guests, six plates and five party bags. I explained we didn't have enough space/plates etc and one mushroomy parent told me their kid would share...

Even pass the parcel is usually calculated so that everyone gets to unwrap at least one layer and get a sweet so sibs totally throw this.

Usually sibs are too young for the party as well.

Just say there is no room.

YANBU as you're happy for kids to be dropped off. I dont understand why parents cant drop then go somewhere with the siblings, even if thats to do the food shop 🤷‍♀️

I can’t believe I’m reading this. Of course it’s rude to expect a host to have guests they have not invited.
I remember having a party once and one of the mums I’d invited said she would spread the word and invite other children along- as if I would be glad of the numbers! I put her straight immediately.
Why don’t people have manners or understand social norms?

It kids can be dropped off and it is obvious in the invite, it is rude.
if parents need to stay and there is no other childcare solution, it is polite to ask explaining this as otherwise the sibling won’t be able to come. When it happens I always reply, I understand, I have invited 25 people which is the max allowed, if someone else cancels I am more than happy to have DD, would it be ok if I let you know in a few days?
What I find a bit rude is parents who bring 2 kids and a very small present. I know we don’t do parties for the presents but they could a bit of an effort if they have 2 kids entratained and fed for 2 hours

A lot of parents will ask if siblings can attend especially if they too want to stay and don’t have childcare.
However it is perfectly fine to say no. It’s quite normal for there to be limited numbers.

Don’t worry about it OP

The entitlement and expectation of free childcare in some of these replies is breathtaking.

Ps OP
There was a thread on here about party bags recently.
You should do a search.
I wouldn’t bother with plastic party bag tat.
Slice of birthday cake, a “Thankyou for coming” or some seeds to sow seems to be the order of the day.

It's rude to ask to bring siblings if the children are at an age when they can be dropped off, i.e. 5/6+. However, if the party is for 3 year olds, then most parents will want to stay, and it may not always be easy to leave younger siblings, especially breastfeeding babies.

OMG 458 responses, illustrates just how mental UK mums are! I am a Brit but sometimes ashamed to be so. Other nationalities are so much more hospitable. Embarrassing.

SMUG EX PAT ALERT

Of course, everything overseas is better. Everyone is nicer. And everyone loves kids.

Nonsense.

It's rude to impose your kids (or, indeed, yourself) on other people without asking.

Well babes in arms aren't' the issue are they? Nobody is going to object to that, the baby doesn't cost them anything!

We're talking about a party for 5 year olds that someone wants to bring a 3 year old to. And if more than one person does it, you could end up with quite a few extra children. Especially as they are often whole class parties at that age so large numbers anyway (to contradict Oaktree's comment about British mums being so inhospitable - 30 kids at a party is a lot!)

hospitality runs both ways.
Its hospitable not to impose uninvited guests.

I never took siblings to parties when they were in primary school.

I wouldn't expect it. Parents would take it in turns in taking them to the party and picking them up. Which sorted out childcare issues. Maybe I was really lucky cos' we seemed to suss out who might need a help with lifts etc.

Close friends would usually invite the siblings if room. But it was never expected.

I think my kids quite liked being with their classmates with no siblings. And it was often parties involving an activity like a sport/craft thingy etc..

Now parties for toddlers - totally different.

The first time my DD was invited to a party I asked if her younger brother could come, she did say yes but 20 years on I’m still mortified about it. I’ve apologised numerous times over the years.

If people don't have childcare then they go and get a coffee somewhere or arrange to share a lift. They dont invite themselves and extra children to the party or put the host in a difficult position by asking. Cant see how so many people,e on here dont get this. Eight children invited say. Suddenly eight extra adults and maybe even eight or sixteen extra children. How can this be ok. It isn't.

I think it's fine to ask, although you have to decide whether it's a good idea to allow them. It does really change the dynamic once you have a few younger siblings creating mayhem! Just completely depends on ages and the type of party. I have always accommodated them if I could, but it would annoy me if if people asked because their DP wanted free time. I would only expect them to ask if the DP had unavoidable plans.

School aged children don't need parents to stay surely. So childcare isn't an issue?

Am I missing something?

YANBU OP…I’m actually shocked at the number of responses who think this is ok. I’ve never experienced this with 2 junior school aged kids…I’ve neither even thought about asking, nor been asked when I’ve been hosting. I can’t believe it is a norm. I wonder if it is a regional thing?

I'd always want people to ask if childcare was a problem. I think its a shame for single parents or families where a parent works the weekend or nights whose children will miss out on a lot otherwise.

I think the post is rude but I don’t see why being a single parent, having other children or any other reason means that other children need to go to the invited child’s party, unless parents have to stay which is ridiculous anyway to ask parents to stay at a party that you’re holding.

If it’s a drop and go type party then what’s the issue? Why the need for siblings to go?
If you can’t handle a children’s party without the parents staying then don’t hold a party, and don’t complain if they bring siblings when no one else can have them while insisting parents stay.

You didn't miss anything, nobody states "no siblings please" on invitations - you just address it to the invited child, or even if unnamed, it's understood that only the birthday child's friend is invited.
If siblings were invited, that would have been communicated.
Only people that never host themselves are the ones saying it's okay to bring siblings, and those same tightwads and joyless people are usually the ones rude and selfish enough to bring siblings. At best they'll host tiniest cheapest parties for their own friends kids only. Exceptions possible but are rare.
They don't care that there are financial, time and effort costs to the host, capacity and safety issues, the birthday child instead of spending time with her own friends, is crowded by kids she or he has nothing to do with and whom she or he doesnt know, the party dymanic is totally changed , siblings are sticking and playing together, and it's not fair to others who weren't selfish enough to bring a sibling. If one is allowed, all should really be llowed, and the host has 100 kid guests, most of whom aren't known to the poor birthday child.
If no childcare can be organised for the sibling, at most guest could ask another parent (not the host) to possibly look after their or not go.
And shouldn't be asking the host if it's okay to bring a sibling - almost all will feel pressed unable to say no.
People who do bring siblings are selfish, self absorbed, stuck up their own individuals who are usually the same unpleasant individuals who won't even acknowledge you or your child and wi bring the most thoughtless liability of a present for under £3.99

We have one mum that routinely brings her older child too, that really irks me. Especially as he is rather lively and the siblings ‘fight’

The only time it's okay to bring siblings is when you are are close family friends and that's a done thing amongst you and expected. Never at other times. It almost always happens at at home parties and it's usually a family friends party with guests picked by mum (inviting her own friends with kids) rather than a party for the birthday child with her or his own friends.
This is typically understood by all except for 1 or 2 per cent of the party attendee parents who end up bringing their other kids because they are oh so special. Their other redeeming qualities are typically rudeness on other occassions, extreme self-absorption, they'll spend a week choosing the cheapest present they can find and your kid won't be invited back and definitely no siblings.
Of course there are situations with siblings with SEN or breastfeeding babies when it may be okay to ask the host, but, typically, never is it okay.

Those responses will be from who those who have never hosted their kids own friends like a normal party should be or from bots. In real life, its understood by most but the one or two out of 30, who do it consistently over the years and have no childcare problem. They think they and all their kids are fucking special and assets to the party.

I would say its rude to ask for an invitation to a party, if your name isn't on an invitation then you're not invited and asking for an invite isn't well mannered.

Just reply saying that you are at capacity for the party.