Health visitor has made me feel shit

[elm26]

Health visitor came and all she did is criticise.

2.5 week old baby is having too much formula (4oz every 3.5-4 hours) she's hungry and I'm not going to deny her it. I should be waking her every 2 and giving her 2oz apparently. She scared the life out of me saying if I let her sleep for 3-4 hours, she could go into a deep sleep and never come out of it (cot death).

She doesn't like the play mat that we have for her (just one of those soft ones with toys above) as we have a spaniel and apparently she should never be on the floor as we have a dog including for dog hair reasons. Spaniel is 8 years old, not boisterous, we NEVER leave them in the same room together, if she's on her mat one of us sits right next to her so dog can have a sniff of her head then he wanders off to lay down. They are ALWAYS supervised. I would never want any harm to come to her and it's also my responsibility as a dog owner to make sure he's calm and not stressed too. We've kept his routine the same, I put baby in sling and walk for an hour every morning and then DH takes him out for a further 30 minutes in evening. He seems happy and settled, no jealousy or warning signs.

The dog hair, what can I do? I literally Hoover every single day (1 bed flat so only takes 5 mins max), my flat is clean (I actually have OCD), I hate clutter, my DH has been great and we've been keeping on top of everything so it's not like she walked into a state, I'm proud of my home.

She doesn't like that we use the perfect prep machine for the bottles. I explained I can't breastfeed as at first she wouldn't latch despite numerous attempts and help from midwives and secondly my milk dried up so quickly. She was a tiny 5lb 15oz when she was born because my placenta stopped working and she stopped growing. I already feel guilty enough about this and honestly, enough was enough and I chucked in the towel and moved her to Aptamil to get some food into her. She is now 1lb over her birth weight and midwives say she is thriving. HV thinks we should be using the boiling water method.

Apparently I shouldn't have a Moses basket mattress protector under the Moses basket sheet. It's not padded or thick or anything like that, it's super thin and from Mamas and Papas for Moses baskets, surely they wouldn't sell if not safe?

She doesn't like how I held her, on my chest with her head tucked to one side. I do this as skin to skin for a couple of hours a night to make her feel secure and close. She said it's dangerous in case I fall asleep. I do this around 7pm with DH in the room with me.

I just feel like utter shit now. I had 13 miscarriages, this little girl is my whole world and my DH and I have felt on top of the world since having her and really thought we were doing a great job as a team. Obviously I'm never going to know it all and I'm also a first time Mum.

I've suffered horrifically with depression and anxiety in the past including inpatient treatment in a psychiatric hospital after my 13th miscarriage for severe depression and grief.

I was so proud of myself and DH for having this content baby who's put on weight, seems super healthy and we love her so much. I've booked in to start a baby massage/yoga/first aid and music class with her starting in a couple of weeks and now I'm dreading it in case others judge me.

I'm dreading her coming back 😢

Just saw your beautiful picture. How gorgeous are the 3 of you.

She is justifying her job op.
You sound like a wonderful mummy now go and enjoy your new long awaited daughter and ignore her xxx

It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job.

I look back at those early days with my children and remember the feeling. There's so much "advice" and views on how things should be done and judgement.

Trust your gut feeling. It's rarely wrong and over the years you will know your child better than anyone.

Start a formal complaint about her and request a new HV . Nobody deserves to be treated this way !

Hi @elm26 , congratulations on your beautiful new baby.

Believe me, I am NO fan of HV's, they talk so much shite, however, there are a couple of points that she is right on. Firstly, I say this as a qualified Food Safety Consultant, Perfect Prep machines are dangerous and have been proven so via laboratory testing. It is imperative that the bacteria within the formula powder are killed which is why using boiling water from the kettle is the safest method. This is to prevent your little baby getting food poisoning from the formula as it does contain food poisoning bacteria prior to it being sterilised with the boiling water.

Secondly, babies should be fed little and often, this is to prevent SIDS. 4oz is way too much to give a newborn as a feed. At two weeks old, 2oz every 2 hours is much safer. When babies are overfed formula, they can go into a very deep sleep due to their little bodies struggling to process such a big feed and this prevents them from waking frequently. Waking frequently is an inbuilt protection to prevent SIDS.

I hope you do not take offense to this information, I just felt it was too important not to comment.

Wishing you well.

I’m a healthcare professional not HV but do a similar role, not in UK. Your HV is offering good advice just maybe her approach is a bit harsh.
i would say before you discard that valuable support research her advice.
perfect prep machines are not advised where I live either. If made correctly with the cooled boiled water method you know that the water is hot enough to kill bacteria that can multiply in the formula when you open the container, as it’s no longer sterile. The temperature is not guaranteed with the machines. The tubing can become contaminated but you can’t see it as they are internal. Several cases of machines found to have black mould in the tubing.

4 oz of formula is a large volume for a baby born less than 6 lbs. And 4 hours is a long time as their digestive systems are very quick.

look up the advice from the Lulaby trust on bedding advice. takes seconds to change a bed sheet.

I would rather see a house with a bit of mess than a spotless house. Babies come with clutter and I’d rather mums spend time playing with their babies than cleaning a house before I visit.

lying on your chest is technically them sleeping on their tummy and it’s well known that sleeping on their tummy’s can increase the risk of SIDS significantly (unfortunately this can happen when on parents chests too).

dogs are unpredictable and she’s right to offer words of caution. I find the cry of a baby can be distressing and dogs even more so, not leaving them alone is wise but she needs to advise you.

Congratulations on your baby and try enjoy your time together. Please talk to your Gp if your anxiety worsens, unfortunately your higher risk of postnatal depression if you have a history.

I would give her a second chance. She’s trained to assess how your baby grows and develops for the next few years.
Each week for example I send at least one referral for suspected Autism, the earlier it’s identified the better the outcome for the child and the right services get involved.

I hope I am not scaring you , just reassuring you that your HV is providing safe health promotion advice.

Urgh, she sounds hard work!
I do know, however, that HV's dislike the perfect prep machines. I think a little bit of formula remains in the machine once the bottle has been filled and then gets pushed into the next bottle having sat in the machine for a while ( but don't quote me on that being the exact reason - I know my HV didn't like mine 6 years ago and my sisters HV has commented on hers recently).

She sounds awful! My health visitors were kind non judgemental with some useful info.

You have a beautiful baby! Ignore that miserable cow.

I also remember being told not to let the baby go more than a couple of hours when they were very small m, which was very galling!
I think she maybe needs to work on her delivery of the information.

She can fuck off!! Ring the general number for health visitors and say you would like a different one next time. Sorry she made you feel crap, so unfair when you have just had a baby and feel vulnerable and like shite. You look amazing and you are doing a great job x

Not that it even matters but you look BEAUTIFUL and glowy, and such a happy family.
HV sounds horrendous. Give yourself a big hug 🥰

You look beautiful i wish i looked like you with a 2 week old 🤣🤣
ignore everything she said, you are doing amazing and don’t let anyone take it away from you xx

I just feel like utter shit now. I had 13 miscarriages, this little girl is my whole world and my DH and I have felt on top of the world since having her

And so you should feel on top of the world. You’re doing brilliantly.

Decline further health visitor visits, or request a different one. The one you had was a dud.

You are doing a great job. Ignore her. Where I come from Health Visitors don’t exist and it is a truly alien concept to me. Change her if you don’t like her and instead of them coming to you go to them. No need to receive unwanted visitors at home HV or otherwise.

You sound like you are doing fine.
do read up on Perfect Prep though - I think some research shows that it doesn’t properly sterilise the powder, and can also develop mould - and then decide for yourself.
the other point I would say… just because they sell something doesn’t mean it is safe, so always do your research.

My HV called DD ‘it’ when she was naked on the scales.
Said ‘breast milk’ when I asked what was the best formula to feed DD as couldn’t breast feed.
Wanted DD (still very new) to go 5 hours without a feed.

Seiously, I could still cry about this 17 years later and worst thing is in hospital, after delivery they kept passing me from team to team every time I asked about feeding my baby. Do DD went a good 15 hours without being fed her first feed.

Anyway, wishing you all the best with your new baby. Try and let things wash over you and research it in the background if you think there is something you need to know more of to make your own informed decisions.

Gorgeous 🥰

I don't know if this is going to help but on one of my HV visits, I managed to lock myself out of my house with my 1 week old fast asleep in the middle of my bed. HV arrived literally as the front door slammed with me on the wrong side (I was putting some rubbish in the bin). A kind man was roped in to shimmy over the back fence and through a window to open the back door.

You are doing an amazing job xxx

I didn't formula feed (well I did top one of my kids up with 1 feed a day when I had a bumpy start for a few weeks) but even i know that you aren't meant to use pre-boiled/reheated water. It needs to be 70 degrees when you mix with the formula and the water should be fresh from the tap and only boiled once, then feed made. Boiling water for 5 minutes to transfer to a kettle, let it cool again, then reheat to mix with formula repeatedly throughout the day really isn't the safest way to make formula 😬.

Perfect prep machines are dangerous! Google the lawsuits. I’d switch to the boiling water method. Otherwise everything else sounds ok!

Please heed this advice. I would also remove the mattered protecter. Many many companies sell things that are unsafe, please don’t make the mistake of believing that just because something is sold = safe.

Nod and smile. Nod and smile. Then ignore everything she's said and go with your mothers instinct. Gets them out the door quicker and they leave you alone. I had an extremely patronising HV on my first. The second and third babies I'd moved house and that team was absolutely wonderful. Really supportive and not patronising in the slightest. It's the luck of the drawer but she needs to get back in her box. Definitely complain about how she made you feel.

and this. All excellent advice

HV visits are not compulsory

sounds like your doing fantastically
nothing wrong with anything you said you’re doing op
you are mummy -you know your baby better than anyone
keep doing what you’re doing

My Health Visitor loved the prep machine (it had just come out when we got one and she was amazed by it). I bottle fed, Health Vistor never said anything and both kids slept on their front from when I knew they could easily move their heads (they would not sleep any other way). They still sleep exactly the same way years down the line.

Absolutely do not let her back in, get your DH to write an email listing everything you have said (you enjoy your time with your baby, dont waste a second stressing over this opinionated person) and tell them you will only see another Health Visitor (if you need one at all). It sounds like you are doing brilliant job as it is.