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AIBU?

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Original poster

Comments about breastfeeding baby

135 replies

AlpacaMeBags · 07/06/2023 11:20

I'll preface this by saying I don't think I did anything wrong but I have crippling social anxiety & this is the kind of thing that I'll lie in bed thinking about for years to come.

At the weekend, a couple of friends and I went to the local pub for lunch. I was feeding DD (3 months) when a group of older women (maybe in their sixties) sat down at the table next to us. They were looking over a lot and muttering to each other but I didn't think it had anything to do with us until one of them said loudly something about "just trying to have a nice lunch and you get this type of thing" while gesturing to our table. Now, I don't know if we were supposed to hear that but I piped up with "oh, that's fine, she's just having lunch too" while pointing moronically at the baby still attached to my boob. They continued muttering to each other & moved tables a few minutes later.

I don't think I did anything wrong - didn't say it unkindly, just making a joke out of it - but one of my friends said I must have made them feel incredibly awkward to move tables. We live in a small village and other people definitely heard.

Was I being unreasonable to say something?

For context - busy-ish family pub, 2 layers & no boob on show

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 07/06/2023 11:24

I am mid 50s, bottle fed both of mine, but if I’d overheard what they’d said I would have had a word with them. Their attitude was appalling and they needed calling out on it.

It is not acceptable to comment on or tut tut at a woman breastfeeding her baby. Not in a shop, restaurant, anywhere.

Wrongsideofpennines · 07/06/2023 11:24

You did absolutely nothing wrong. You feeding your daughter is protected in law. Those women were just morons. If they wanted to move tables then let them, it's their problem.

roarfeckingroarr · 07/06/2023 11:25

You did nothing wrong and were pretty restrained. I've never encountered this attitude out and about before, thankfully.

sanityisamyth · 07/06/2023 11:25

You definitely didn't do anything wrong. Where would they like you to feed? In a loo? Where it's filthy? They were eating at a table. Your baby has every right to feed (which is a completely normal, healthy, biological process) in a clean environment too.

DontBePassiveAggresive · 07/06/2023 11:25

I hope it did make them feel incredibly awkward to move tables. They were out of order.

You did the right thing

nutbrownhare15 · 07/06/2023 11:27

We'll done you. Yanbu. Your friend needs to give her head a wobble. Who cares if they felt uncomfortable? Breastfeeding is normal and should be recognised as such.

Kam610 · 07/06/2023 11:28

You were definitely right to say something. I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue either. If they didn't like seeing that then they were welcome to move, which they did. I wouldn't worry about making them feel uncomfortable when they were the ones in the wrong!

Rinkydinkydoodle · 07/06/2023 11:29

So it’s okay for them to try to shame you but not for you to (politely) reply? You did right and they were weird, it’s not like they ain’t seen a breast before, if they didn’t like it they could always just not gawk.

MariaVT65 · 07/06/2023 11:31

You’re definitely right. They were being absolute twats and I would also have said somethint. Like ‘what do you expect me to do, never leave the house or eat?’

inappropriateraspberry · 07/06/2023 11:34

Well, they're idiots and should know better. You did and said nothing wrong.
I always found I had compliments from older women if they saw me breastfeeding. The women you experienced were very narrow minded and stupid.

FictionalCharacter · 07/06/2023 11:35

Rinkydinkydoodle · 07/06/2023 11:29

So it’s okay for them to try to shame you but not for you to (politely) reply? You did right and they were weird, it’s not like they ain’t seen a breast before, if they didn’t like it they could always just not gawk.

She didn’t even have a breast on show though.
Breastfeeding women almost always show no boob whatsoever yet people like this persist in pretending BF is “disgusting”, as if women are whipping their tops off, hoiking their boobs out and sitting there completely exposed. They’re pathetic.

bussteward · 07/06/2023 11:36

You weren’t being unreasonable, they were. Well done for saying something, particularly in the face of passive aggressive commentary. Who on earth would object to a baby being fed, it boggles the mind.

(And it wouldn’t have mattered how busy or not the pub was, how much boob you had to show – boobs and babies all being different, or what you were wearing.)

IreneGoodnight · 07/06/2023 11:39

Great off-the-cuff response OP.
Your pal should have openly supported you against those strangers even if she thought (wrongly) they had a point.

Likethestarsabove547 · 07/06/2023 11:40

You did nothing wrong, please don't let this knock your confidence either.
There's no situation in the world where they would have been in the right.

Ponoka7 · 07/06/2023 11:40

Do you use the term moron out load? It was a term used by psychiatrists to mean someone who has mental/intelligence levels between 7-12, similar to using retarded, except it was part of the propaganda if the eugenics movement. It's a lot more offensive than commenting on breastfeeding.

JenniferBarkley · 07/06/2023 11:43

You handled it perfectly.

I fed anywhere and everywhere, and wasn't particularly discreet about it either tbh, thanks to big boobs and babies who hated anything like my clothing near their faces. I only ever had positive comments. You got very unlucky, try forget about it.

Emmamoo89 · 07/06/2023 11:44

You didn't nothing wrong.

I fed my son when out for a meal and had one woman give me a dirty look. I just blanked her but obviously would of loved to have said something. One couple were proud that I did it. I was like I'm not going to let my son starve and no way was I going to feed him in a toilet as its what's expected of these arseholes.

Emmamoo89 · 07/06/2023 11:45

Did*

Sissynova · 07/06/2023 11:45

No, you’re entirely entitled to say something back to them. It’s not rude, it’s actually bordering on bullying for them to try and shame you like than in public particularly given they’re about twice your age.
Pathetic behaviour from them.

gogohmm · 07/06/2023 11:46

You did nothing wrong, they were obviously uncomfortable for some reason (their problem not yours). We need to normalise breastfeeding not hide it. My sil credits me for giving her the confidence to buck the trend in her community (very rare to see it there)

MathsNervous · 07/06/2023 11:46

Ponoka7 · 07/06/2023 11:40

Do you use the term moron out load? It was a term used by psychiatrists to mean someone who has mental/intelligence levels between 7-12, similar to using retarded, except it was part of the propaganda if the eugenics movement. It's a lot more offensive than commenting on breastfeeding.

You are absolutely correct. It's inappropriate to use moron.

Fanny is a better word.

Hugasauras · 07/06/2023 11:47

Good for you, OP, but sad you had to deal with it! I've breastfed two babies in all sorts of places and no one has ever even taken a second glance, so IME it isn't common to come up against attitudes like that nowadays, thankfully. In fact I've been brought glasses of water etc in cafes when breastfeeding my DDs before without having to ask. They should be ashamed of themselves, but does say a lot about how little they were enjoying each other's company if someone doing something at another table was so interesting to them!

Bournetilly · 07/06/2023 11:47

You didn’t do anything wrong! Your friend should’ve stuck up for you though.

ThatFraggle · 07/06/2023 11:49

Ponoka7 · 07/06/2023 11:40

Do you use the term moron out load? It was a term used by psychiatrists to mean someone who has mental/intelligence levels between 7-12, similar to using retarded, except it was part of the propaganda if the eugenics movement. It's a lot more offensive than commenting on breastfeeding.

The same applies to idiot.

And to silly.

And dumb.

Look up the etymology of the words. The usage and meaning of words change.

PurBal · 07/06/2023 11:49

You did nothing wrong. I normally just whack the entire boob out, people don’t have to look if it bothers them but I’m not faffing with a muslin for “privacy” when I’d be doing it for them not me or my baby. FWIW I have breastfed in church and at the altar rail whilst taking communion and I have had comments from elderly parishioners (80+ in terms of age) who were nothing but kind and supportive. Well done for speaking up, I probably wouldn’t have done anything then stewed on it with all the “I wish I’d said this” thoughts…