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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Comments about breastfeeding baby

135 replies

AlpacaMeBags · 07/06/2023 11:20

I'll preface this by saying I don't think I did anything wrong but I have crippling social anxiety & this is the kind of thing that I'll lie in bed thinking about for years to come.

At the weekend, a couple of friends and I went to the local pub for lunch. I was feeding DD (3 months) when a group of older women (maybe in their sixties) sat down at the table next to us. They were looking over a lot and muttering to each other but I didn't think it had anything to do with us until one of them said loudly something about "just trying to have a nice lunch and you get this type of thing" while gesturing to our table. Now, I don't know if we were supposed to hear that but I piped up with "oh, that's fine, she's just having lunch too" while pointing moronically at the baby still attached to my boob. They continued muttering to each other & moved tables a few minutes later.

I don't think I did anything wrong - didn't say it unkindly, just making a joke out of it - but one of my friends said I must have made them feel incredibly awkward to move tables. We live in a small village and other people definitely heard.

Was I being unreasonable to say something?

For context - busy-ish family pub, 2 layers & no boob on show

OP posts:
Newnamenewname109870 · 07/06/2023 13:15

Iwasafool · 07/06/2023 12:40

The problem on here is age is almost always used negatively.

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Oh fgs she was just explaining the situation so people didn’t say “well how old were they? Teenagers are immature and might be showing off to their friends.” That kind of thing

neilyoungismyhero · 07/06/2023 13:19

according to your friend it was okay for the hags to make you feel uncomfortable but not okay for you to respond politely. Ignore them and your friend.

BreatheAndFocus · 07/06/2023 13:29

They moved tables because they were embarrassed about their passive aggressive bullying crap being called out so politely. Not your fault at all. Next time they’ll think twice before making nasty comments about breastfeeding.

You did nothing wrong and your response to them was polite and light-hearted. That probably embarrassed them more because it just showed up how bitchy they were being.

Your friend is utterly wrong.

Ilovechinese · 07/06/2023 13:33

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Fandabedodgy · 07/06/2023 13:40

You handled it well.

They were utter morons. I am sure you enjoyed your meal much more once the idiots have moved.

Hollyppp · 07/06/2023 13:45

MathsNervous · 07/06/2023 11:46

You are absolutely correct. It's inappropriate to use moron.

Fanny is a better word.

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I don’t think using a word that means female genitalia as an insult is particularly great either

Naunet · 07/06/2023 13:48

Ponoka7 · 07/06/2023 11:40

Do you use the term moron out load? It was a term used by psychiatrists to mean someone who has mental/intelligence levels between 7-12, similar to using retarded, except it was part of the propaganda if the eugenics movement. It's a lot more offensive than commenting on breastfeeding.

Stop trying to police people’s language, that was over 100 years ago, in America. Words evolve, it’s not what anyone thinks of when they use that term now.

Hollyppp · 07/06/2023 13:49

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 07/06/2023 12:14

YABU
why did you have to do it at the tables?
Did you at least use a cloth or something to cover-up?

Hahahhahahahahaha

Original poster
AlpacaMeBags · 07/06/2023 13:58

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 07/06/2023 12:14

YABU
why did you have to do it at the tables?
Did you at least use a cloth or something to cover-up?

I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic, genuinely think that or are wanting a reaction out of people but, in case it's not the 1st option, with my first I was so worried about feeding in public that I would take myself off somewhere (yes, even a toilet) and cover us with one of those bloody breastfeeding covers that make it impossible to feed in. Because of this, I stopped breastfeeding as soon as he was old enough that he wouldn't stay under the cover (because who wants to eat under a blanket?)

So yes. I did have to do it at the table and no I didn't use something to cover up.

OP posts:
Carryonkeepinggoing · 07/06/2023 14:00

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 07/06/2023 12:14

YABU
why did you have to do it at the tables?
Did you at least use a cloth or something to cover-up?

Yabu. OP was fine.

RegisteredAssistanceWolf · 07/06/2023 14:04

YABU
why did you have to do it at the tables?
Did you at least use a cloth or something to cover-up?

@IsThereAnEchoInHere ODFOD. Do you eat your lunch in the toilet or hiding under a cloth?

Beluowens · 07/06/2023 14:09

DontBePassiveAggresive · 07/06/2023 11:25

I hope it did make them feel incredibly awkward to move tables. They were out of order.

You did the right thing

This. 100%.
Sorry this happened to you op. I experienced similar when breastfeeding my ds in public 6 years ago.

Emmamoo89 · 07/06/2023 14:15

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 07/06/2023 12:14

YABU
why did you have to do it at the tables?
Did you at least use a cloth or something to cover-up?

No she wasn't and I don't cover my son as he hates it

Emmamoo89 · 07/06/2023 14:17

tillytoodles1 · 07/06/2023 12:49

Although BF'g is totally fine, it still bothers some people. We were having lunch in a pub and one if the staff asked my friend to swap seats so she had her back to the rest of the room while she fed her baby.

And I would of told them where to go!

bussteward · 07/06/2023 14:18

2bazookas · 07/06/2023 13:09

I'm astonished that women commented !

Perhaps you should have called over " Proves my breasts are the real thing.
Are yours? You look like a man in a dress."

What an odd and irrelevant thing to suggest to say. Are women who formula feed, or who can’t lactate, or who have had reconstructive surgery, men in dresses?

fairycupcakes · 07/06/2023 14:49

What awful women, they deserve to have been made to feel uncomfortable IMO. You did nothing wrong. Your baby girl is entitled to her lunch aswell! I’d be having words with that friend of yours though, they should be sticking up for you (especially given they probably are aware of your anxiety?!) and not concerning themselves with the feelings of a group of nasty older bitter women.

fairycupcakes · 07/06/2023 14:51

And good on you for speaking up to them!! You did really well from the sounds of it x

tillytoodles1 · 07/06/2023 15:07

Emmamoo89 · 07/06/2023 14:17

And I would of told them where to go!

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It was no good having a go at the staff, they have to do what theyre told.

Sissynova · 07/06/2023 15:27

tillytoodles1 · 07/06/2023 15:07

It was no good having a go at the staff, they have to do what theyre told.

Show quote history

Told by who? A business isn't allowed to tell a BFing mother to move because she's feeding her baby.

Sissynova · 07/06/2023 15:36

2bazookas · 07/06/2023 13:09

I'm astonished that women commented !

Perhaps you should have called over " Proves my breasts are the real thing.
Are yours? You look like a man in a dress."

...are you alright?

Emmamoo89 · 07/06/2023 15:45

tillytoodles1 · 07/06/2023 15:07

It was no good having a go at the staff, they have to do what theyre told.

Show quote history

Well I certainly wouldn't of moved. Once baba was attached to the boob that was it. It would distress him I'd I of moved.

rainbowlanyardsupmybumbum · 07/06/2023 16:10

what 'type of thing'?

I breastfed for 5 years unashamedly and there's not even any need to have a boob on show (if you did I still think that's fine) so what type of thing? Feeding a baby babyfood?

They're idiots.

lieselotte · 07/06/2023 16:20

Wrongsideofpennines · 07/06/2023 11:24

You did absolutely nothing wrong. You feeding your daughter is protected in law. Those women were just morons. If they wanted to move tables then let them, it's their problem.

Totally this.

And the word moron is fine. Some people are morons, it is very descriptive! Also means carrot in Welsh. And Mohren is a word for carrots in German!

lieselotte · 07/06/2023 16:21

Also, your friends should be more worried about you. Why do they care about the opinions of strangers?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 07/06/2023 16:34

"one of my friends said I must have made them feel incredibly awkward to move tables"

You cant 'make' them feel incredibly awkward from one comment about your baby eating, they were being incredibly awkward and had clearly already made their minds up before your comment. As if they spoke to complain about someone feeding their baby, it's so bloody rude and unnecessary.

I came on to say I think your friend is being a bit mean trying to infer that you're somehow to blame for their shitty behaviour. If they've decided breastfeeding is somehow disgusting or shameful there is literally nothing you could say off the top of your head at that time, to change their minds. So their behaviour is absolutely nothing to do with you. Even if youd told them to fuck off - which your friend could have done, or stuck up for you some other way