Comments about breastfeeding baby

[AlpacaMeBags]

I'll preface this by saying I don't think I did anything wrong but I have crippling social anxiety & this is the kind of thing that I'll lie in bed thinking about for years to come.

At the weekend, a couple of friends and I went to the local pub for lunch. I was feeding DD (3 months) when a group of older women (maybe in their sixties) sat down at the table next to us. They were looking over a lot and muttering to each other but I didn't think it had anything to do with us until one of them said loudly something about "just trying to have a nice lunch and you get this type of thing" while gesturing to our table. Now, I don't know if we were supposed to hear that but I piped up with "oh, that's fine, she's just having lunch too" while pointing moronically at the baby still attached to my boob. They continued muttering to each other & moved tables a few minutes later.

I don't think I did anything wrong - didn't say it unkindly, just making a joke out of it - but one of my friends said I must have made them feel incredibly awkward to move tables. We live in a small village and other people definitely heard.

Was I being unreasonable to say something?

For context - busy-ish family pub, 2 layers & no boob on show

SO sorry you had to deal with this and hope it was a one off for you, they probably felt brave being in a group to be rude bullies.
I BF my DD in public up until she was 2.5 and never encountered any bad attitudes. You hopefully have just had rotten luck!

Where on earth else should the baby have her lunch? Breast exit to feed babies. If you think there is something weirdly sexual about breastfeeding then the problem is what's in your head, not with the OP or the baby.

Well done you.

I'm disappointed in your friend though.

OP - you're my hero!

I don't have crippling social anxiety but I would never have been brave enough to say what you did! Well done!

Hopefully being a small village someone who overheard will let them know how ridiculous and mean they were being. If for some bizarre reason it really bothered them then they could have just not looked. Unless you have both breasts just out in a pub or are shouting "I am breastfeeding" no one is really going to notice.

Absolutely this

Thanks, I wish a could have pulled it off smoothly though! Went bright red after I said it and wanted to cry when they got up and moved - I felt so awkward!

You didn't say anything wrong, they were rude but I don't know what being in their 60s has to do with it.

Because stereotypes exist for a reason.

Sorry, I didn't explain well. We were sitting in the corner (typically I'd chosen that table so I could feed out of the way) there was no one/nothing else around us so if it wasn't because of her feeding, there was something else about us that they didn't like!

Hilarious

I'm with you on moron, idiot and dumb. I don't think silly ever had a medical definition though so that is different in my mind. I just looked it up, the original meaning was happy or blessed which was news to me.

Equally the OP could have left out that there was a group of them and that they were women - but those details are all added for context. Its not rocket science. OP would inevitably been asked these details if they weren't included and would likely have been accused of drip feeding.

OP you did so well. If have had so many smart remarks in my head but would never have been brave enough to say anything. They deserved to feel as uncomfortable as they made you.

Yes, my mum once panicked and tried to
hold a scarf up to shield onlookers from me feeding dd1 in a cafe once. She didn't understand (why I was doing it at all) why I didn't want to use the little chair in the baby changing facilities, the one that smelt of nappies. For many years bfing was the 'odd' choice so many people in the couple of generations above do find it unusual, especially in public.

So you think younger people or 40 year old don't make remarks about breastfeeding? You think those of us in our 60s and 70s didn't breastfeed. I'm 70 and I've breastfed in loads of places so don't judge by stereotypes. It is lazy.

"one of my friends said I must have made them feel incredibly awkward to move tables"
I hope you DID make them uncomfortable. They deserved to be very uncomfortable with their stupid attitude.
DH and I always make a point of smiling at mothers with a baby at the breast.

You didn’t do anything wrong.

I’ve breasted all of my children and never had a single comment (positive or negative)

Many people in all generations approve/disapprove/feel disgusted by breastfeeding. I fed all mine, so did my sibling, my SIL etc. Just because some people didn't doesn't mean much, even people who bottlefeed can manage not to judge.

I fed all mine, total of 5 years in all and I think I had one person comment and say something like "well done" although my teenage children when I breastfed their younger sibling in a restaurant were horrified. They weren't in their 60s, I just thought I'd make that clear.

Oh ffs.

It's just adding context to what happened.

OP mentioned age because it was a descriptor, the same way that she used women. It was painting a picture.

Saying that it's more common for a certain demographic to exhibit this behavior does not mean it doesn't happen in other groups, nor does it mean EVERY person in that group does it.

Its so baffling that people cannot grasp this.

Don't feel bad, you are doing great and I hope it doesn't discourage you from doing something perfectly normal and in fact quite beautiful. I can't think of anything nicer than a mum sitting feeding her beautiful baby.

Yes that's what I meant! I wasn't there so don't know but it could have been something else? Did one of you have a dog, is someone a bit sweary, was someone showing someone else a video on their phone? All of those are things that could evoke a similar reaction for example. You were there so you will know best but I am just saying that based on what they said there is no indication it was breastfeeding in particular they were objecting to.

Where are these people who think breastfeeding is disgusting. They really need to give their head a wobble.
My sil thinks the same as these old ladies, its disgusting and isn't the done thing. I've breastfed all five of mine and am pretty proud of that achievement!