Comments about breastfeeding baby

[AlpacaMeBags]

I'll preface this by saying I don't think I did anything wrong but I have crippling social anxiety & this is the kind of thing that I'll lie in bed thinking about for years to come.

At the weekend, a couple of friends and I went to the local pub for lunch. I was feeding DD (3 months) when a group of older women (maybe in their sixties) sat down at the table next to us. They were looking over a lot and muttering to each other but I didn't think it had anything to do with us until one of them said loudly something about "just trying to have a nice lunch and you get this type of thing" while gesturing to our table. Now, I don't know if we were supposed to hear that but I piped up with "oh, that's fine, she's just having lunch too" while pointing moronically at the baby still attached to my boob. They continued muttering to each other & moved tables a few minutes later.

I don't think I did anything wrong - didn't say it unkindly, just making a joke out of it - but one of my friends said I must have made them feel incredibly awkward to move tables. We live in a small village and other people definitely heard.

Was I being unreasonable to say something?

For context - busy-ish family pub, 2 layers & no boob on show

I think you were remarkably well worded. I would have had much more to say. They were well out of order and you did nothing wrong. You were right to hold your own and advocate for your child's right to exist and feed.

You did nothing wrong and were very unlucky to come up against such rude weirdos. Unlikely to happen again. I never had any negative comments and hopefully you won't again.

You did nothing wrong and I’d have been very disappointed if one of my friends hadn’t backed me up.

I’ve breastfed absolutely everywhere and I’ve encountered nothing but support so I’m very sorry you’ve had this experience. Please don’t let it dissuade you from feeding in public.

You didn't do anything wrong but I am unclear as to how you know for sure that they were referring to you feeding your daughter. I wasn't there so it may have been obvious that is what they were referring to but based on what you have posted it certainly isn't clear.

@FictionalCharacter Ah, I didn’t read that bit of the OP. I breastfed two and ngl, sometimes there was the odd surprise reveal, particularly DD, who used to like to come off every minute or so and have a little look about. She made a lot of funny noises as well. Think we can all agree people who decide it’s time to get offended at the mere thought of an unclad breast in their vicinity need to give it a rest.

I think moron is very appropriate if that’s what you act like and you have a problem with a baby being fed.

What about making you feel awkward with their horrible comments. You should have said that to your friend.

I doubt they cared about the breastfeeding and I’ve never met anyone in real life who does have an issue with it. They probably didn’t want their catch up over lunch ruined by screaming and crying babies.

@Ponoka7 It was a term used by psychiatrists to mean someone who has mental/intelligence levels between 7-12

So not far from reality then. Anyone who thinks breastfeeding is 'disgusting' likely does have very low intelligence levels.

OMG you did NOTHING wrong. I’m appalled that a group of women did this to you!!

You did nothing wrong. In fact, sounds as if you did everything completely perfectly! I always fed my DS in public, always as discreetly as possible, and luckily never had a problem.
Your response was perfect and to the point.
Your friend should give her head a wobble and be more supportive. Assuming she hasn’t had kids or not bf?

You keep being amazing mama 💐

So the decided to make a spectacle of someone else and try to publicly shame them for daring to bring their baby out in public?
That is really no better.

I’m embarrassed for them that they had that attitude!

I’m also surprised at your friend-these people deserved to feel awkward

You did absolutely nothing wrong - well done for speaking up. They sound incredibly prudish if they can't handle the sight of a baby being fed. It's not as if you were changing a shitty nappy on the table! I fed mine all over the place and got nothing but supportive comments and smiles. Don't give it another thought, honestly (although I also have crippling social anxiety so I know that's easier said than done).

Thanks all. She's my 3rd baby, breastfed all 3 but this is the first time I've ever had anything negative. Have to say it knocked my confidence a bit!

This is why I don't do conflict - can't handle the stress after.

With regards to the friend. She's been living abroad for a few years & just moved back. Haven't spent much time with her while she's been away and probably won't be rushing to in future. Other friends very quickly shot her down but she made me doubt myself for a bit there.

Generally a baby with a gobful of nipple isn’t screaming or crying, though.

I don't think I did anything wrong - didn't say it unkindly, just making a joke out of it - but one of my friends said I must have made them feel incredibly awkward to move tables. We live in a small village and other people definitely heard.

Except they were the ones that made you feel incredibly awkward in the first place. You did nothing wrong. If they felt uncomfortable, they could have quietly changed tables without any fuss.

I'd contact the pub and make them aware of what happened and how it's made you feel.

If it's a family pub they should be onboard with breastfeeding and should place some signs up saying they are breastfeeding friendly and that they promote it. That would really piss the ladies in question off.

When I was feeding in a pub a miserable looking old woman came over and I was apologising before she opened her mouth. But I was utterly wrong, she was offering to cut up my beef for me as I was struggling and DH was busy with toddler. She was so kind. Ignore the idiots OP. You are doing great.

YABU
why did you have to do it at the tables?
Did you at least use a cloth or something to cover-up?

They were very rude and what you said was fine. Your friend should have backed you up.

And the behaviour of the women was unacceptable regardless of their age - I don't see why that's relevant.

YABU
why did you have to do it at the tables? @IsThereAnEchoInHere

Where do you eat?

Do you put a cloth or something over your head at meals? Very odd, it’s not normally something people do.

Of course you were in the right. And you were very polite to them under the circumstances.

I breastfed anywhere and everywhere (including standing up in the queue at the post office and the queue for security at Stanstead airport). Never had anything negative. You are very unlucky this happened.