Ex-wife booking holiday and abandoning daughter for 2 weeks?

[Xuzes]

Hi

I am going through a divorce and currently sharing childcare with my ex, I have our daughter 4 nights a week.

When I’ve taken our daughter away anywhere I have always consulted with her Mum first before booking anything.

My ex has told me today that she has decided to take a 2 week holiday without our daughter, without consulting me and I would have to look after our daughter for 14 potentially more days whilst she is away and I work full time which I cannot manage.

I would like to know where I stand in this situation and could I stop my ex from going if it put my daughters childcare at risk. Any help is much appreciated. Thanks.

If you are sharing childcare, you are sharing childcare. So yes, 14 days is sharing childcare. If she was the main resident parent and you paid good maintenance, supported her being that main parent, then yes I think she should have consulted as that is not an expect part of the arrangement.

But if you share ad hoc or feel you are both resident co-parents then just do it.

My ex went off for 2 months without consulting with me!

I worked full time and paid for childcare when DDs dad fucked off- he contributed nothing snd would sometimes have her every other weekend. Think you need to deal wit it tbh

The OP doesn't need to take 2 weeks annual leave...

Oh, is the ex paying for childcare then?

"What mother leaves her daughter for two weeks."

Plenty do - including me. Plenty of dad's do too. It's called shared care. I'll be doing it again in the summer, when it's his turn in the holidays, which we split.

Should I sit at home pining for her for those weeks? Or should I not allow her 50% of school holidays with her dad? Or stop him having her for two consecutive weeks because apparently a mum who doesn't have their child for a couple of weeks has to be lacking something.How awful that would be for them both.

What an utterly ridiculous, ill considered and judgemental comment. Do you not know any families who split holidays?

Of course you have to consult someone before you book holidays and change arrangements like this.

This thread is batshit,

Not sure why everyone’s assuming OP is a man.

Of course she’s being ridiculous and unreasonable, the hordes who agree with her behaving like this are too.

@GuinnessBird the OP already has her 4 nights a week. Why would they need to take time off for the days that fall within that routine?

100%. I've seen similar posts and people have gone as far as suggesting that the mother just doesn't turn up for handover etc so the father isn't able to leave the child.

OP your ex needs to make childcare arrangements and fund them on the days she would normally have them. It's not unreasonable for you to be annoyed given that you weren't consulted.

I'm surprised at the replies, rest assured if your wife posted this in your situation you'd be a deadbeat dad and all sorts!

She either sorts out and pays for childcare completely at her own expense, around your working hours. If she can't, she should cancel her holiday she accept she has responsibilities she can't just drop on you when she fancies.

How much notice has she given you? If its 2 weeks then yanbu about being upset that she hasn’t spoken to you about it, if its months away then yabu.

Ok but what about the other days that are not within the normal routine?

@GuinnessBird we need to wait until the OP gives us information on their work pattern and usual arrangements until we can comment on that

Anyone notice OP has not come back or answered one single question. Probably had no plans to. I call bullshit or reverse

But ot answer your question from a legal point of view, you can apply for access but cannot force access that someone does not want. If she doesn't want DC then not much you can do, you just have to step up.

Is this a fairly new ex wife, as you refer to an ex husband in previous posts?

Or is this one of those 'reverses' that people think are a good idea but seldom are?

Well it hasn't stopped anyone else...

He/she did get a holiday;with their daughter WITH him on this holiday.

The ex is taking a holiday WITHOUT their daughter and hasn't bothered to sort out childcare arrangements for the 3 nights a week that she has custody of her daughter for;she's told him without discussion that she's going and she's/he's responsible on the days he/she normally doesn't have her.

It's not really fair.

The options are as follows

A.The ex sorts her own childcare or at least pays for the additional childcare on her usual days.
B.OP does the entire two weeks and the ex in turn arranges the child to stay with the ex for two weeks so OP can have a holiday alone/time off parenting so things are fair.

Apologies OP I use she/he as you haven't specified your gender.

Nobody said she doesn't want her child

@GuinnessBird nope because people like sticking the knife in rather than getting context first and adding their opinions later

Well not really, there was a thread only a few weeks ago where a dad had done just this. And the mum was fuming she wasn’t consulted and had to waste her annual leave to facilitate his holiday. Comments did eventually be more supportive of mum but most were supportive of the dad and said how he gave her notice, didn’t need to ask her and was entitled to a holiday etc etc.

Think she got A/L to look after them in the end but wasn’t happy about it.

I mean for those two weeks. He asked if he could stop the woman from going, which he absolutely can't.

this thread is insanely sexist the replies would be so different if the roles were reversed

Explain the situation to work. Obviously this is not a regular occurrence for you, they may be flexible to help in this scenario.

Hope you get it sorted

Of course she needs to consult him! She's expecting him to have their child over and above their normal arrangement without even checking if he's available! What if he was already going away on his non contact days ?