Ex-wife booking holiday and abandoning daughter for 2 weeks?

[Xuzes]

Hi

I am going through a divorce and currently sharing childcare with my ex, I have our daughter 4 nights a week.

When I’ve taken our daughter away anywhere I have always consulted with her Mum first before booking anything.

My ex has told me today that she has decided to take a 2 week holiday without our daughter, without consulting me and I would have to look after our daughter for 14 potentially more days whilst she is away and I work full time which I cannot manage.

I would like to know where I stand in this situation and could I stop my ex from going if it put my daughters childcare at risk. Any help is much appreciated. Thanks.

RUBBISH.

So OP has to take annual leave because his ex is going away? Without consultation.

Bullshit.

This

Yes because the OP doesn't have anything else going on his life...like work commitments.
Wouldn't life be wonderful to live in Mumsnet world where you could just ditch work for six days at the drop of a hat because you were busy parenting.

I suspect that's exactly what's happened and this is some sort of reverse to get reactions.

What mother leaves her daughter for two weeks. I agree with other posts if it was a man who left his daughter for two weeks and expected mum to sort childcare everyone would have a different view.

op your ex sounds like a selfish tw*t

How much notice have you been given OP? It is shit not to be consulted but unfortunately you only have to spend a bit of time on here to know its not at all unusual.

I think you should ask for a her to pay for childcare on the days when you are working.

If you have your DC for 4 days a week, I presume you have (or will be asking for) 50/50 PR? Which will include 50/50 during school holidays? Which will include 3 weeks summer holidays. Let's hope your ex has been sensible enough to have booked her holiday for during this time, in which case she wouldn't have needed to consult, ask for permission, be accused of abandoning or putting her child at risk by leaving DC with you. And vice versa when you'd like to book a holiday without consulting her. If not, then you take them to court for a more formal arrangement with regards contact and you'll both have sole responsibility for your DC during your days and weeks, without either of you feeling you need to confer, consult or abandon during the times the other parent has DC

If you don’t have a reciprocal holiday arrangement and she is generally unhelpful or you can’t manage with childcare, tell her she can’t go.

If she does go, make sure she gives you childcare money. Who gets the child benefit?

Shes wrong OP and shouldn't have done that.

How do you normally split childcare?

Maybe you could pay for these two weeks for her childcare and then the ex pays for the two weeks after. You should pay for the care that falls under your time.

She kind of is abandoning her child. What normal, rational, sane person would book a holiday without making sure childcare is in place. Whether OP would have said no or not is irrelevant here. You can’t just book to go away then argue the toss afterwards.

'Abandoning' 😂

I would like to know where I stand in this situation and could I stop my ex from going if it put my daughters childcare at risk.

I think that it's a shame that this is your first thought rather than "how can I make this work".

I do think that you should have been consulted but realistically would it have made much difference?

@Xuzes when is the holiday? Is it very soon? As others have said, it's not 14 extra days its 6 more nights than you usually would have her, assuming she's usually in school or childcare.

If the holiday is very soon, then of course she should have consulted you. I doubt there's anything legal you could get ordered, especially if you don't have a court ordered agreement already. And I doubt you'd be able to get any restrictive measures in place in time either.

If your DD is usually in nursery, it's worth asking if they have any additional days available. Do you have any relatives who could help out if not?

you sound like a bitter ex wife

YANBU. Do you have childcare in place for your days? If so, I would see if they can cover additional days (assuming that she does not have her own childcare/isn't working). I would make it clear the additional cost needs to be covered by her ahead of time.

Other than that, I would relish having your DC for an extra few evenings and see the positive side. She was wrong to do it without consulting you.

Abandoning? You're her father!

Speaking as a mother who has always fitted any holidays around those that coincide with my ex taking the kids away this is not unreasonable. She’s your daughter too surely you can help .

I am absolutely blown away by these responses!
They co-parent. You can't just tell the other parent you'll be away, you have a conversation and come to an agreement. If this was a women posting this about the father the responses would be so different.
Saying that OP, what's done is done. You're not divorced, so I would think you need to get some sort of agreement in place around how you deal with things like this.
Good luck.

Fuck me.

In the real world I can't take annual leave for two weeks without considerable notice and I suspect neither can the OP.

Where is the love

I think your ex is out of order for not consulting you but you would also be out of order to stop her from going, unless you really have no options. Shared parenting requires a bit of flexibility and generosity. Would you not like to have a child free holiday too?
When is the holiday? Do you have time to make plans?

Women cope all the time when men leave them in the shit. Breaking the agreement is not ideal at all but totally manageable. He could organise child care if he doesn't want to take annual leave. Its 6 days, some poor parents have to do it for life.

Yes I just thought the exact same thing. First reply usually something like 'ridiculous ' '' how dare he etc.....very unfair!

For what it's worth OP she is being entirely unreasonable you should not really be chastised for your choice of language. In some ways she has abandoned her responsibility to arrange childcare, but maybe not child as such....

But - she hasn't abandoned her... if that's your attitude around this things will become more difficult.
I personally would approach this in a less combative way and try and figure out guidelines around how to manage these requests going forward