Ex-wife booking holiday and abandoning daughter for 2 weeks?

[Xuzes]

Hi

I am going through a divorce and currently sharing childcare with my ex, I have our daughter 4 nights a week.

When I’ve taken our daughter away anywhere I have always consulted with her Mum first before booking anything.

My ex has told me today that she has decided to take a 2 week holiday without our daughter, without consulting me and I would have to look after our daughter for 14 potentially more days whilst she is away and I work full time which I cannot manage.

I would like to know where I stand in this situation and could I stop my ex from going if it put my daughters childcare at risk. Any help is much appreciated. Thanks.

Why shouldn't she book a 2 week holiday? Fortunately, her DD has a father- you.
Out of the 14 days, you already have your DD for 8, so in reality its 6 extra days. Unless you work a 7 day week, 4 of the 14 days are weekends. She didn't need to consult you, she just needed to inform you, which she has.

Why should he foot the bill for her days??

Well, because mum had booked a holiday, assuming that OP can provide childcare on days that they’re supposed to be at work, without actually consulting them. So there is a potential that the child would be left without proper care and supervision. I assume.

I don't think anyone's disputing that the OP should have been consulted but the emotive language is getting people's backs up.

There might be a very good reason why they weren't consulted. Maybe to avoid the emotional blackmail that would very clearly ensue.

Wow, if this was dad saying he was going away MN would have the pitch forks out.....

NONSENSE.

Who is looking after the child while the OP works.

And he's just supposed to suck up 14 days straight without consultation.

Bullshit.

Really? It’s OK to just assume that someone can drop all their responsibilities without any consultation.

Interesting.

Agreed, I’m shocked by some of the responses. Abandoning is over the top but, if this is the whole story, the ex is behaving appallingly. I couldn’t just alter my shifts at the drop of a hat to accommodate childcare to facilitate someone else’s holiday. Ridiculous and offensive that some people are comparing it to what the OP would do if the mother died. It should be up to the ex to sort childcare on her pre arranged days or to communicate prior to booking her holidays to come to an arrangement.

That is unreasonable. She should have discussed it with you first so you could both make arrangements. Very selfish

She should have consulted you. But she's not 'abandoning' her child.

If the dates don't suit then say so. Can she a'abandon' her child with grandparents instead?

Do remember there might come a time
When you fancy a holiday and want the favour in return.

Exactly this!!!!!!

Honestly can't believe the replies I'm reading, if an ex-husband had done this then there would be absolute uproar. I despair!!

I’ve been in this situation frequently and yes it is incredibly annoying that one parent thinks their responsibility for their children is optional. But there’s not really an awful lot you can do about it?

@Xuzes

Well your going to get a mixed bag here of people who thinks it's perfectly acceptable to do what's been done without consulting you first to make sure her days are covered and then the ones,like myself who think if it was a women writing this there would be uproar

Was a conversation had at all regarding the holiday being booked before it was done or has it literally just been dropped on you?

How far away time wise is the planned trip?

The posters saying youl have to book annual leave that's not always possible for anyone

I used to book mine for the year to cover my share of children's school holidays and some after school if no childcare available and not to mention the last minute emergency leave when kids are I'll etc

I can't believe some of the replies. I would say that you are unable to have the child and she needs to make appropriate arrangements for the her usual days.
Completely unreasonable to expect you to have your child without consulting you.

Why does your ex not get a holiday but you do?

Nobody's said she can't go on holiday, just that she should arrange it properly and consult before booking, which is absolutely fair enough from either sex.

And this...

What's your plan if your ex-wife suddenly becomes incapacitated or dies? Orphanage?

Is just plain silly because it's a whole different scenario. @TimeSlipMushroom did you miss the part where the OP has the child 4 nights a week? So more than the mum?
I think an awful lot of people are choosing not to acknowledge that part 🤔

Unless she’s going tomorrow then I’m afraid you’ve been given notice and her mums entrusted you to look after her so you’ll just have to suck it up.

@namechange1986 that's exactly what I was thinking too!

Would you say this to the mum if the dad had done the same? Think not.

This with bells on

So you are being asked to sort out an extra 6 days contact. Jump at it. Go for it spend time with your child - it’s called parenting not childcare

You need to look at the days your dd would be with your ex and which of those days you can reasonably manage yourself. Then go back to your ex with the other days and say that she needs to arrange childcare or pay a sitter for those days on the hours you work or find a relative or friend that is suitable to cover those hours. Again I'd like to know how much notice she's given you, in the interest of trying to maintain communication with your ex I'd say that in future if she's planning to take holidays it would be easier for you to work with her if she arranged the dates with you in advance. I wouldn't describe a parent taking a holiday and leaving their child with their other parent as abandoning their child.

Am I the only person who assumed the OP is the mother in a same-sex marriage whose wife cheated on her with a woman they were friends with?

First of all what a wagon, but I don't think there's much you can do, as people are always saying on here unfortunately you can't compel someone to look after their own child bizarre as it seems. What does she usually do for childcare? I'd put it back onto her- I'd be really nice and ask who's going to mind dd when I'm at work. See what she says.

There are some shit replies on here. The mum needs to organise childcare to cover her days.

What a sad and situation when it comes down to his days and her days and arguing about who is responsible for what. Makes me grateful for my long and happy marriage and that my children have never been exposed to being shunted around like pieces of luggage.