Ex-wife booking holiday and abandoning daughter for 2 weeks?

[Xuzes]

Hi

I am going through a divorce and currently sharing childcare with my ex, I have our daughter 4 nights a week.

When I’ve taken our daughter away anywhere I have always consulted with her Mum first before booking anything.

My ex has told me today that she has decided to take a 2 week holiday without our daughter, without consulting me and I would have to look after our daughter for 14 potentially more days whilst she is away and I work full time which I cannot manage.

I would like to know where I stand in this situation and could I stop my ex from going if it put my daughters childcare at risk. Any help is much appreciated. Thanks.

Some people day it's 10 days 'till Christmas and others say it's 10 sleeps 'till Christmas but same thing really. It seems unlikely op only has daughter for literally night time only 4 days/nights a week. If you're right and he has daughter for less than 50% then it's even harder for op to cover.

Does guarantee mean presume now?

Do ya think !

He would have childcare in place like every other single parent with sole responsibility.

Clearly its easier to plan for on going care than a random 2 weeks with no notice

My ex used to do this and he only saw our dd eiw. He'd announce he'd booked a holiday so wouldn't be having her over the weekend, leaving me to rearrange my plans as I knew he'd simply not turn up to collect her from school on the Friday. But at least I already had childcare sorted, I can imagine it's a real pain in the arse of you them have to arrange childcare, especially if you normally work away during the times you don't normally have her, at a moments notice

I don't think it matters if it's 50/50, eow man or woman, if you share a child then you need to ensure when booking a holiday it's convenient for everyone BEFORE booking it. The same goes for days out or swapping weekends/weeks

except that this OP has been very careful to specify 4 nights a week. And 14 additional days for childcare purposes, despite the 8 nights that would presumably have been his regardless.

And we aren’t children so don’t need to be condescended to with crap about ‘4 sleeps’.

I think I’ve touched a nerve. I am not defending absent fathers, I am suggesting parenting is a partnership and neither parent has any right to suddenly change arrangements without checking with the other. Of course in emergency situations all bets are off, but booking a holiday without checking that the other parent can step up and takeover the days that the holidaying parent won’t have the children is out of order.

Is it 'abandonment' or leaving her with her other responsible parent. She might not have done it in the right way but it's hardly neglect.

I think you're bordering on micromanaging the situation.
There's no way over the period of the child's life a routine or plans are all going to run like clockwork.
Ex and I are flexible. I don't make detailed plans with my ex over things like holidays or trips. I might say I'm thinking of taking them away in the summer or I want a week off in July for instance. We have 50/50, we have an outline of a plan however we do try to accommodate each other as much as poss.

We don't now how much notice was given. Because OP never clarified. Again, one wonders why.

Makes a huge difference in the school holidays I bet! It’s once thing to say ‘good night dear, sleep well’ and to actually have your child in the day.

I must admit, I assumed its early summer before school holidays as why would you pay peak prices if you're not taking children? If ex is buggering off for 2 weeks during school holidays then she's being even more unreasonable.

True, but my point about school holidays wasn't about when the actual holiday was taking place, it was about the actual amount of time the father has his child. It was in reference to the 'days/nights what's the difference' comment.

Agree. Lots of judgement, no sympathy here on the ex’s lack of consideration, even though he’s used the wrong word (abandoning). Simple advice needed on the childcare situation.

Late to the party but I agree this is shoddy behaviour from the ex. However, unfortunately this is not uncommon.
my ex ( male- not that it makes any difference) has never taken dcs away since we split. In fact the responsibility of parenting was pushed on to me. I’m his words “ You can’t make me have my kids!” Unfortunately he was 100% correct there.

Oh this is going to be beautiful- know your audience mate 🤣

It is not a man posting. It is a second hand story, read all the op comments.

I have to apologise as I mistakenly put OP in my post when I meant the poster I'd quoted!! Ì took unwell not long after I made the mistake and ended up in hospital . Am just checking this thread now.
OP- was a genuine mistake, I wasn't feeling well and posted without editing!
I hope you've managed to sort out everything! Xx

I now realise the OP is a woman ! Didn't know this when I posted on Tuesday night xx

I thought this from the title. Sad that it's so predictable.

I havent read beyond your comment and I totally agree with your comment.
The responses so far are very inconsiderate and would be totally different had it been a female who posted it. I would be mad if this happened to me!
OP, your Ex will have to cover the cost of childcare! Yes you cant force a parent to pull their weight but you are within your rights to be mad!

Good manners and a reasonable approach to co-parenting would mean her consulting you beforehand, perhaps checking which weeks would be more convenient for you but NOT asking your permission. However, I don't think expecting you to care for your child for 2 weeks is unreasonable. When I was a single parent myself, I had to manage all school holidays, inset days, strikes and children being off school due to illness (the chickenpox saga lasted almost 3 weeks in my house) - alone. I don't understand why sorting it for 14 days is such an issue.

When you meet someone new, will plan to have a holiday without your child? How will your ex manage will the full time childcare? You are the child's parent, I'm not seeing a problem, here it can work both ways.

Maybe because it’s just expected?! If my ex suddenly announced he couldn’t have the kids for 2 weeks without asking me id be fuming!!! And I’d never do that to him either! It’s bloody ridiculous and selfish. We have them 50% so I’m not prepared to cover the childcare he would normally have them if it was short notice, I’d be fucked where work is concerned. He would need to ask if it’s convenient for me to have them extra during that time, I’d always say yes if I could do it absolutely but I’d go mad if he did it without checking

He moaned - a lot due to him juggling work but was also cool about it too ! He’s a good dad tbf