Ex-wife booking holiday and abandoning daughter for 2 weeks?

[Xuzes]

Hi

I am going through a divorce and currently sharing childcare with my ex, I have our daughter 4 nights a week.

When I’ve taken our daughter away anywhere I have always consulted with her Mum first before booking anything.

My ex has told me today that she has decided to take a 2 week holiday without our daughter, without consulting me and I would have to look after our daughter for 14 potentially more days whilst she is away and I work full time which I cannot manage.

I would like to know where I stand in this situation and could I stop my ex from going if it put my daughters childcare at risk. Any help is much appreciated. Thanks.

Of course you should consult each other about these things. I wouldn’t dream of just informing my partner I was off for two weeks and they are in charge, and I’m married to them. Even if you think it’s ok to do it (it isn’t) it’s a bad idea because it means your partner can do exactly the same to you.

Goodness you’ve hit the nail on the head!!

@SuperbSummer2023 I read what you quoted as 'smug' 🤷‍♀️

My ex does the same every year and abandons our 4 children to go on holiday. Tells me last minute. I work full time and I have to juggle but there’s nothing I can do. I wouldn’t do it but that’s the reason we can’t be together amongst others because they are selfish

Ok I get this is far from ideal and should have been agreed but come on, abandoned?!

Sorry but all I can see here is a child who is seen as an 'inconvenience'. Poor child of only she knew.
As a parent you should have just as much care of your child as the mother. I would agree firmly that the mother should of spoken to you about her holiday before booking anything, it sounds a little like she's done this to spite you? If so, shameful behaviour, as that's using the child as a weapon.
2 weeks is a long time, perhaps check In with other relatives, aunts, grandparents if there, arrange some play dates with her school friends and book some annual leave yourself.

How do you actually manage to juggle childcare and full time work with little notice?

I think she’s a selfish mare, you don’t do this without consulting ex partner first no matter which of you do it. Supposing you were on
a course on the days you didn’t have her! Nope she’s a bad mother.

You are the DAD , this is notice enough ! Had you been a full time parent would you require a months notice when your child gets ill or either parent has to go out of town to look after a sick relative ?

Totally agree!
(Although using the word ‘abandon’ didn’t help the OP’s cause here)

There not gonna take your side, your a bloke,

Actually it also depends hugely on when it is next month or next year, and how much time it's given him to prepare. You'd expect both parents to have the child for 2 weeks over the summer or a long period and he can book leave - or maybe use it for his holiday with DC and take his own trip another time.

If they have their child 4 nights a week, then it is adding 6 days, not 14 since 8 of those days he already has them to start with.
She should give ample notice, whatever is customary to request time off of work.
One would assume that the child would attend childcare as usual, just with him dropping them off instead of her. If there is some difference and an extra cost, then she should cover the extra 6 days.
Saying that you can't handle your own child for two weeks doesn't look good to the courts if custody is an issue. Won't look good for her, possibly, depending on how much notice was given.

It's the dads sibling. Sister? Possibly. Probably using the word as annoyed. Still it's a bit overkill.

is their a child arrangements order in place or will their be?

Careful. Apparently use of the word “abandoned “ means you’re trying to except control…

Or even exert!

thanks autocorrect

I’m inclined to agree.

Of course she should have asked but you can’t be serious when you’re saying you cannot look after your own daughter because you work…!? Shock horror! Plenty of us do it alone and work full time

I used to think that separated couples argued because each party wanted to see more of the children. It in reality, the arguments are about who can’t/won’t have them. So quite the opposite.

Im a dad and I have had this done to me by my ex, just went off on holiday and left me to look after my young daughter without a concern for my job or anything, no discussion just im off.

My advice would be to have your daughter and do whatever you need to over this period, annual leave, child care etc and enjoy your time with your child as best you can. Make a note of this and the dates as it is likely something like this will happen again in case you need it for child benefit purposes, court etc if it ever come to that.

Your ex hasn’t abandoned her. You will have to parent her and do what the rest of us do, make it work. Your daughter isn’t a commodity to bargain over. Plan a lovely weekend with her. Your ex should totally have asked you and bring that up with your lawyer but don’t mention any of it to your daughter or act like you’re hard done by in needing to look after her.

I would ordinarily say of course you consult the other parent and get agreement before booking a trip; but in this case where the parent has labelled being asked to care an for an extra few days as “abandoning” I would wonder wether they have a history or controlling behaviour.

to me the massive overreaction in language and trying to paint the other parent in such a bad light throws up numerous red flags

Are you going to say the female poster who said her ex abandons their child is controlling?

no? Thought not