To have not told him I arrived & expect to be picked up

[Poundinthepond]

Just got back from a lovely weekend away for a hen party, first thing me I've ever left my DDs 9&4 that long

I noticed over weekend other wives speaking with their husbands, facetiming them, speaking with kids etc

My DH has hardly spoke to me and only replied when prompted

I appreciate if it's the first time I've left DDs that long it's first time he's had them alone they long but he is their dad after all

And he isn't in any way pissed off that I went. That's not where this is going.

Anyway getting to the point....

Transfer from airport was to bring us back to brides home which is only 5 min drive from our house but too long to walk with luggage so plan was for him to pick me up, I checked with him last night that he's okay to collect me and he said yes just tell me the time to get you

I text him when I landed

And my texts followed like this :

1. In taxi from airport, ETA 1130 (1.5 hours) traffic depending, will let u know when 20 mins away

1. ETA 11.25 (20 mins away)

1. 5 mins away

(He didn't reply to any of these but he did read them)

Get to brides house and other hens get collected by husbands, greeted nicely, helped with luggage etc.

Im still waiting 15 mins later and he texts me saying what's taking so long

I rang him and said I'm here waiting for you!

He thinks I should've told him when I arrived as he was waiting around the corner for me to tell him then he was going to come to the house

Okay, so a bit strange but nonetheless in my opinion a miscommunication

He pulls up, doesn't get out the car and is in a.completely foul mood

Ruined my reuniting with youngest DD in car

He has been in a mood all day and feel like I've been walking on egg shells

He says he's unwell with sinus infection, fair enough, but he literally isn't interested in me at all and is in fact treating me with contempt

I know you shouldn't compare relationships but I can't help it in this situation

I could easily see a mix up in communication like this happening between DH and I.
It would resolve either by me seeing his car parked outside friend's house, him calling to door of friend's house and asking if I was back, or one of us quickly calling the other to say I'd arrived/asked if I had arrived.
The lack of arrival text is a small thing, the way OP DH handled it though is a bit of a concern.

Took him long enough. Glad he's woken up. Hopefully you are feeling a bit relieved now too.

Next time, I'd be tempted to have Alexa play "Mardy Bum" .. on a loop until he relents😅

More serious in the long term is that , has no friends, doesn't seem to want them and won't socialise. Perhaps he needs to talk to someone as it's a sad way to be when he has young children and difficult for you when you do socialise. Maybe he was sulking because he wished he was going on a similar break? Even though its unlikely he will get to. The main thing is. You got to go on your break and have a bit of fun and socialise. The kids were all in one piece when you got home and so was he. Don't let this stop you having a break in future tho.

Nah, he is being a complete wanker because he has had to look after the kids on his own. Selfish arse. Can he not just be happy that you have had a nice time. Don't put up with him treating you like crap. Tell him to behave himself and stop acting like a petulant child.

Well, that's a start. Now it would help to have a frank discussion on the reason for that behaviour and how he can handle it, whatever "it" is, better in future. Has he explained himself @Poundinthepond other than saying he has a sinus infection?

Lol
i agree and this made me laugh when I read it. Haven’t read the full thread but you’ve been on a hen do, not out fighting a war. Bloody hell.

He’s being a twat on purpose. He’s probably used to you being the martyr over the years if you’ve never been away for a weekend in 9 years, and he doesn’t like that changing.

But if he’s naturally antisocial and has no friends and is happy that way, you’re probably you’re making him feel like you don’t know or understand him at all by trying to persuade him to go to the pub with the groom. I’m very sociable and my husband isn’t, that has bothered me in the past but I just accept it now, it’s who he is, and I go out without him when I want to and just let him do his thing, and we’re both much happier that way.

Like others said I’d arrange another weekend away soon with friends, so he’s not rewarded for being a grumpy shit now, but I’d also stop trying to force him into social situations you know he won’t like and then acting baffled when he pushes back.

You should have texted him when you arrived at your friends. Put this one down to experience and you will know for next time.

you did not do anything wrong at all. But you did judge your relationship against others. I think there is probably something nagging at you that you are not happy with.

I’d say he realized he f-Ed up that one and is just being grumpy.

OP, your replies are so admirably calm. I'd be so upset by the responses here. So nasty. You're absolutely not in the wrong, and the way people are speaking to you about this is appalling. Why do people think it's ok to be abusive to people they don't know on the internet? Hope you're OK

He’s full of a sinus infection so feels awful. Was left waiting for you to text and say you had arrived. I’d be in a mood too.
You have said how excited you were to be reunited with DDs. Any excitement at seeing him again? You were away from him as well.

I’d ignore it. I refuse to walk on egg shells. He needs to grow up.

We each go away regularly and might do one FaceTime total over a weekend. Constant texting and checking in isn’t our thing.

Your husband is socially not the best.
I think DH is shy and found looking after the DD a struggle.
Did you act cheerful to see him and thankful that he looked after the kids and picked you up?

Your husband sounds like a total wanker OP.

He's a disgrace and has to text an apology. What is he? Nine! I would not be accepting that as an apology. He was being an asshole to you because he simply wanted to be and thus gave himself permission to be. I would go fucking nuclear at him so he's under no illusion that he treats you like an equal or it's over.

This is because he was expected to parent for a few fricken days - Jesus!

Why is an ill woman told to go to bed and leave her DP/DH with the kids, but and ill man is mocked with "Dressing gown of doom"?

When I first started reading I was thinking "when I've been on girls' weekends, it's easy to spot the capable fathers that don't need to be in contact with their wives constantly" so I was thinking his lack of communication was probably a good thing - just getting on with their weekend.

Without knowing how you and DH usually communicate, it's difficult to say whether he should have picked up on the "5 mins ETA" thing or not, but the more I've read, the more it seems to be that he really doesn't want to talk to other people.

When DH has been picking me up from the train I'll give him a confirmation of the arrival time, so he can predict when to leave.

I suspect your DH is feeling ill, tired and a bit foolish for not putting two and two together. I hope he gets a grip of himself soon though his recent text might suggest he has.

I don't know why OP is getting such a pile on about her "reunion" with her DD. The first time away from DC is a big thing and they'll have missed each other! Both had been looking forward to a big smiley welcome and cuddle, so it's natural that it's disappointing that it didn't happen.

This.

I often pick up dh and/or dd1 from the airport. If they said 'I will be out in 5', then I wouldn't expect another text. Or need it. They will be out in 5.

There was no miscommunication. Did he fail to understand what 5 minutes meant?

It's not the same at all. "I'll be out in 5 " translates as: I have landed, gone through customs, picked up my bags, and am literally walking through to the door.

The right comparison would be: I walking off the plane... it could take 5 minutes to go through, or could take 2 hours 😂

Funny how the "5 minutes" from the OP is interpreted as nothing for the husband to way, but far too long to even consider walking.

When I first started reading I was thinking "when I've been on girls' weekends, it's easy to spot the capable fathers that don't need to be in contact with their wives constantly" so I was thinking his lack of communication was probably a good thing - just getting on with their weekend.

aren't mothers allowed to touch base with their kids, even with their husband now?

That's not what I was saying at all.

I was just pointing out that some of my friends' husbands seem perfectly capable of looking after their own children without contacting their wives and asking 20,000 questions about what they should do, where stuff is and what to feed them.

This is a good thing - being able to parent their own children.

Nowhere did I suggest that they shouldn't be in contact at all!

I don't think you should compare your husband with other peoples. You mentioned that he doesn't have friends etc so perhaps he is not a communicative person in general. He may upset with your or might be that he is not well and is generally not a sociable or communicative person in general.

1. He's punishing you. He may have said he was ok with you going but by saying that and then making it really awful when you get back, he gets to make you think twice about ever going away again while in theory appearing to be a supportive husband, win win for him.

1. He has NO friends? I'm an introvert but that is not the same as never going out and having no friends. In fact, having NO friends is very strange. He sounds like maybe he's just an arsehole to everyone in his life.

Does he have no friends because he’s a sullen miseryguts who resents other people’s fun?

We don't tend to contact each other when one of us is away, unless it's urgent, but we have got quite individual lives for a couple. He usually just messages me when he's on his way back to give an ETA.

Your husband sounds like me. Vague statements like 5 mins is never 5 mins. I prefer “ready now”. And I follow this up with “be outside waiting” because my other half is a pain for having me hanging around or not ready for a taxi. This also absolves me from doing any awkward socialising I prefer to avoid.
it seems you wanted to make a scene with your children greeting you and frankly I can see why he’d park round the corner.
I see in another post you wanted your husband to meet the groom.. why? The groom is not his friend.
Try not to force socialisation. We don’t like it.