To have not told him I arrived & expect to be picked up

[Poundinthepond]

Just got back from a lovely weekend away for a hen party, first thing me I've ever left my DDs 9&4 that long

I noticed over weekend other wives speaking with their husbands, facetiming them, speaking with kids etc

My DH has hardly spoke to me and only replied when prompted

I appreciate if it's the first time I've left DDs that long it's first time he's had them alone they long but he is their dad after all

And he isn't in any way pissed off that I went. That's not where this is going.

Anyway getting to the point....

Transfer from airport was to bring us back to brides home which is only 5 min drive from our house but too long to walk with luggage so plan was for him to pick me up, I checked with him last night that he's okay to collect me and he said yes just tell me the time to get you

I text him when I landed

And my texts followed like this :

1. In taxi from airport, ETA 1130 (1.5 hours) traffic depending, will let u know when 20 mins away

1. ETA 11.25 (20 mins away)

1. 5 mins away

(He didn't reply to any of these but he did read them)

Get to brides house and other hens get collected by husbands, greeted nicely, helped with luggage etc.

Im still waiting 15 mins later and he texts me saying what's taking so long

I rang him and said I'm here waiting for you!

He thinks I should've told him when I arrived as he was waiting around the corner for me to tell him then he was going to come to the house

Okay, so a bit strange but nonetheless in my opinion a miscommunication

He pulls up, doesn't get out the car and is in a.completely foul mood

Ruined my reuniting with youngest DD in car

He has been in a mood all day and feel like I've been walking on egg shells

He says he's unwell with sinus infection, fair enough, but he literally isn't interested in me at all and is in fact treating me with contempt

I know you shouldn't compare relationships but I can't help it in this situation

Were you only going to be 'together again' for a short period of time? Agree with pp, rather dramatic, was a big thing being made about you being away to dc?

It's deliberate behaviour, designed to sour your break so you don't go away again.

All the more reason to get the next solo break booked in asap.

And don't be nicer to him than he is to you.

Not constantly texting no... Absolutely not. And appreciate the onus is perhaps on me to initiate contact.

But it doesn't feel like he was respecting my time away

Because when I did initiate contact it was like he couldn't care less to speak with me

I'm not even a needy person on terms of texts/calls. But when I'm in a different country I'd appreciate more than short sharp replies

Kind of, as it was the first time

I think the pick up mix up is just ONE of the issues,we don't need to get hung up on it.
He's behaving oddly and op has realised her relationship isn't like others have with their partners when they go away, also he's sulking and unsupportive.
I'd read him the riot act op. Wtf.

I think he is pissed off you went away, but he knows that to say that would be unreasonable so he's made an issue out of something else. Sounds like he was sulking throughout.

Exactly it's not like I was having a go at him for not being there when I arrived, I was waiting for him to turn up whenever. When I realised there'd been a miscommunication I was like oh dear hahaha I'm here outside see u soon, I didn't have a problem with it I just wanted to see them!

His mood was ridiculous ... And still is

On the surface it does appear that way

But he's just not like that

He's never been bothered about me going out etc

Never been an issue

TBH nothing is an issue as long as it doesn't affect him. I guess this does affect him, as it involves him.

Yeah youre probably right @LucieLemon .

I used to have to go away regularly to look after a family member and dh was great but also quite "focused" as in he was doing his own thing with the kids and didn't want my input
This guy sounds loke he doesn't want his partner to have fun
Op do you do fun stuff together ever?

Maybe he feels out of his depth and/or comfort zone.

He's pissed off you went and left him with the kids....but knows he's being unreasonable to say so.....he's trying to make you feel guilty......

Occasionally

TBH we work opposite shifts most of the time

Hardly any time together

And he's definitely not interested in socialising with others , so I've kind of stopped trying in that department

He hasn't met the groom of the wedding that this hen party was for so I tried to organise a pub meet up in a few weeks to do so... Brought it up with him before I left... He said maybe

He says he's unwell with sinus infection

You went away and left him parenting. Poor man needed his dressing gown of doom and was denied it. How selfish of you!

On a serious note, does he actually have one or just a bit of a sniffle? I agree with other posters though and think hes punishing you for leaving him alone with the kids. Thats wifework.

"Ruined reuniting" it was a weekend OP, not a 6 month deployment to the front line....

This evening he does seem poorly to be fair

I don't think that excuses the behaviour tho

Even if I was unwell I'd still ask how it was did you have fun etc

These were my thoughts too

Felt like it for me!
I'm very attached to my DDs rightly or wrongly. As much as I was looking forward to going away I was absolutely desperate to see them again as it was the first time I'd left them for 4 days/3 nights.

No, that would not prompt me to leave. Not with a 4 year old in the car, who is likely to suddenly decides he needs to pee, let alone a delay on the road, the need for my husband to say good-bye and the 5 minutes becoming a lot more than 5 minutes.

If you want to be picked up, it's on you to say "I am ready now, can you come please". It's not on him to drop everything and bother the kids because god forbid you would wait a few minutes. He's not a taxi. They are your kids too, surely you put them first as well.

Him waiting round the corner is completely ridiculous.

Well it's all a bit dramatic if you ask me, his mood is uncalled for but think you're being a bit OTT about it all too tbh.

And have to say "felt like it to me" is pretty offensive to those of us who do manage actual deployments.

A delay in the road 5 mins away?! We live 5 mins away
Surely any delay would be synchronised 🤣

He specifically asked for a time of arrival. Not a text to say I'd arrived. I have him a running ETA and an appropriate countdown to prepare putting DD in the car from FIVE minutes away.

I didn't have a problem with the delay in collection, I tried laughing it off, once on phone and then again in the car. I didn't complain once. He did all the complaining

😂

If the husband had an ear full about the grief and heartbreak of leaving the kids for a weekend to go on a jolly with friends, I sympathise with him being a bit quiet 😂

Sorry if it's offended you

Don't mean to trigger anyones separation from their little ones

Honestly if he does have a sinus infection I might be tempted to let this one slide. I’ve just had one, it absolutely floored me and I was a total twat to be around. The headaches were unreal 😩

No, it isn't