To have not told him I arrived & expect to be picked up

[Poundinthepond]

Just got back from a lovely weekend away for a hen party, first thing me I've ever left my DDs 9&4 that long

I noticed over weekend other wives speaking with their husbands, facetiming them, speaking with kids etc

My DH has hardly spoke to me and only replied when prompted

I appreciate if it's the first time I've left DDs that long it's first time he's had them alone they long but he is their dad after all

And he isn't in any way pissed off that I went. That's not where this is going.

Anyway getting to the point....

Transfer from airport was to bring us back to brides home which is only 5 min drive from our house but too long to walk with luggage so plan was for him to pick me up, I checked with him last night that he's okay to collect me and he said yes just tell me the time to get you

I text him when I landed

And my texts followed like this :

1. In taxi from airport, ETA 1130 (1.5 hours) traffic depending, will let u know when 20 mins away

1. ETA 11.25 (20 mins away)

1. 5 mins away

(He didn't reply to any of these but he did read them)

Get to brides house and other hens get collected by husbands, greeted nicely, helped with luggage etc.

Im still waiting 15 mins later and he texts me saying what's taking so long

I rang him and said I'm here waiting for you!

He thinks I should've told him when I arrived as he was waiting around the corner for me to tell him then he was going to come to the house

Okay, so a bit strange but nonetheless in my opinion a miscommunication

He pulls up, doesn't get out the car and is in a.completely foul mood

Ruined my reuniting with youngest DD in car

He has been in a mood all day and feel like I've been walking on egg shells

He says he's unwell with sinus infection, fair enough, but he literally isn't interested in me at all and is in fact treating me with contempt

I know you shouldn't compare relationships but I can't help it in this situation

If the husband had an ear full about the grief and heartbreak of leaving the kids for a weekend to go on a jolly with friends, I sympathise with him being a bit quiet

Ha, quite!

🤭

If I had given him an earful I would agree, but I haven't

He’s punishing you for going away. Didn’t like having to solo parent for the weekend. In your shoes I’d book another trip to show him this crappy sulky behaviour won’t be rewarded.

TBF I had a sinus infection last year it was horrendous. Absolutely bloody horrendous. So yes I'm sympathetic to symptoms.

I don't need serenading!

"Did u have a good time ?' without the mood would've sufficed!

Honestly OP, dont get bogged down with the pick up mixup, that was just unclear communication. What you need to focus on is how he is making you feel now. Having to walk on eggshells is not a good sign.

You say he wasn't bothered about you going and that is probably true but then he's lived through the reality of looking after two children by himself, no free time to potter or spend an hour in the little reading room or pop to the shops or watch crap on the TV but having to listen to peppa pig for hours and make food and wash up and and and... He was overwhelmed, didn't like it, thinks you conned him as it was hard work so now you need to be "punished". Dont accept this otherwise he will kept doing it.

‘And he isn't in any way pissed off that I went. That's not where this is going.’
er, I hate to tell you this, but yea, he is pissed off that you went. It left him to look after your kids, he clearly doesn’t think that’s very fair. He’s being a tool.

So now you're comparing yes? But I can't ?

My partner would do this and I would be really pissed off about it. Not sure how to help tho. Maybe tell him how it made you feel when it's blown over a bit

Typical punisher of enjoyment- he sounds miserable. You want someone to be buzzing your home

I agree. Just enjoy yourselves, ita just a weekend. People need to chill out

It sounds as though he parked round the corner to avoid being caught up with talking to people he didn't feel comfortable with. And there's no real reason why he should have to make friends with the groom.

I think this is exactly his thoughts.

I'm not expecting him to be BFFs or even friends with groom. But a little ice breaker walk to pub for a drink with our DDs and their dog, isn't that a nice thing to do? Just a normal no pressure meet?

Sounds like he’s punishing you - yes he may have been ok with you going but may have found looking after the two kids alone too much. How much do you actually go out without him? You say he’s normally okay but was does your going out look like. He has picked a fight deliberately- he knows what five minutes away means. I’d keep my eye on his behaviour. Maybe you have normalised some of it or maybe he’s just a bit off. You know him,

Thank u!

I don't even need him to be buzzing! But 1. Not be in a foul (and now never-ending mood) over a minor miscommunication and 2. Not even ask me how it was FFS

But you did say that he's not keen on socialising with other people. It sounds as though that's the way he is.

He is a bit off

And I don't go out a lot really

I'd say on average one evening out a month if that..that's being generous.

I've never been on a girls weekend since having DDs

I've been away to family funeral for 2 nights where only took the youngest

So this is a first for us

It is the way he is

I find it really hard to navigate tbh as I am quite sociable and always want to plan things with others but he's not interested

I reckons he was out of his depth and a bit ill.

You keep saying he didn't mind you going but he clearly did.

Probably didn't mind the idea but then felt a bit unwell, couldn't wallow in the dressing gown of doom because he had the DC to look after and began to feel resentful that you were having fun and he was miserable.

He needs to grow up and stop acting like my 5 year old DD- who can huff for England if she feels badly done to.

You’ve done nothing wrong. He’s punishing you for going away. He’s trying to make sure you don’t do anything like that for yourself again, because he was slightly inconvenienced (he had to actually parent and do things in his own) and he didn’t like it.

I bet he’s been away plenty. And you just got on with it.

Can’t believe the OP blaming on this thread. The situation isn’t unusual.

His behaviour the whole time you were away by only responding to you when prompted and not responding to your messages giving your ETA and the updates when returning show that it was all deliberate. Didn’t ask you how it was when you got back either. This isn’t unusual, it stems from jealousy. You were having a good time with friends, he wasn’t. You got a break from the DCs, he had to parent them on his own!

Tomorrow expect the dressing gown of doom as it will all be about him and he won’t be able to do any parenting at all. Best way to stop him doing this every time you go out is to call him on it. Ask him why he was uncommunicative while you were away to the point where the other hens noticed? Why was he so nasty as to be rude and grumpy when collecting you? Why he couldn’t ask you if you had a nice time? Finally ask him what he hopes to achieve by this behaviour? Don’t get angry or raise your voice. Let him know you are serious.

then leave him alone to think things through while you get on with parenting the DC. Don’t go running around after him to look after him. Show him contempt for his behaviour. Let him know that others noticed it.

In fairness, I’ve had a sinus infection before and it was agony. Couldn’t sleep, throbbing head, I felt really awful. I nearly cried at the doctors for antibiotics and I’m not usually a wuss. So he could have felt dreadful. Having said that, him still being in a massive mood suggests he’s an arse.

I find it bonkers you'd have even got out the taxi at the brides house and not just kept going for the last 5 mins.

I also think it's insane that you and he have had kids for nearly a decade and he has never looked after them for a weekend alone. How many weekends has he gone away without you and the kids since dc1 arrived?

I don't get the calls and face times on a 3 night trip. "I've arrived", "check out this funny thing/hope u and the kids are having a lush weekend" and "ill be home in 10mins" is sufficient surely...