To have not told him I arrived & expect to be picked up

[Poundinthepond]

Just got back from a lovely weekend away for a hen party, first thing me I've ever left my DDs 9&4 that long

I noticed over weekend other wives speaking with their husbands, facetiming them, speaking with kids etc

My DH has hardly spoke to me and only replied when prompted

I appreciate if it's the first time I've left DDs that long it's first time he's had them alone they long but he is their dad after all

And he isn't in any way pissed off that I went. That's not where this is going.

Anyway getting to the point....

Transfer from airport was to bring us back to brides home which is only 5 min drive from our house but too long to walk with luggage so plan was for him to pick me up, I checked with him last night that he's okay to collect me and he said yes just tell me the time to get you

I text him when I landed

And my texts followed like this :

1. In taxi from airport, ETA 1130 (1.5 hours) traffic depending, will let u know when 20 mins away

1. ETA 11.25 (20 mins away)

1. 5 mins away

(He didn't reply to any of these but he did read them)

Get to brides house and other hens get collected by husbands, greeted nicely, helped with luggage etc.

Im still waiting 15 mins later and he texts me saying what's taking so long

I rang him and said I'm here waiting for you!

He thinks I should've told him when I arrived as he was waiting around the corner for me to tell him then he was going to come to the house

Okay, so a bit strange but nonetheless in my opinion a miscommunication

He pulls up, doesn't get out the car and is in a.completely foul mood

Ruined my reuniting with youngest DD in car

He has been in a mood all day and feel like I've been walking on egg shells

He says he's unwell with sinus infection, fair enough, but he literally isn't interested in me at all and is in fact treating me with contempt

I know you shouldn't compare relationships but I can't help it in this situation

Selfish jealous man

Agreed.
And he's def making you pay for your fun time away now.
The whole pick up /mix up when its only 5 minutes away is such a minor inconvenience.
Ask how long he's going to sulk for.
Or just ignore him. It's attention seeking.

It sounds a lot of drama for 1 weekend away. If we're apart we don't text much especially if having a short busy stay with friends. I'd find it controlling if my husband constantly wanted to know what I was up to. If I was picking someone up who only lived 5 minutes away I'd expect them to tell me when they were there if I had children with me. Expecting him to be at a friend's house the moment you arrive makes it sound like parents collecting kids from a school trip. Why should he be the one hanging around? He sounds unreasonably grumpy but you do seem to expect him to revolve around you.

I bet it feels worse seeing all you other friends have more contact with their DPs and their pick ups being social and nice. I'd be upset about this too. Plus with it being the first time you've been away from your kids for a long period, you will have been hoping for more communication as it'll have made you feel more missed, again I'd be the same. I don't agree with other posters that he's trying to put you off going away again. I bet he's just had a hard time with the kids on his own and not feeling well on top of it. I am sorry it's ruined your return though

🤭

He's sick, I'd cut him a bit of slack , leave him to it and maybe he'll apologise for the foul mood once he's reflected. I know I'm a bit irritable and snappy when I'm unwell. Doesnt make it okay but can be a reason for it.

He was shitty because he chose to be shitty. The choice of a manipulator. Don’t buy in to it, ignore. He will be enjoying the fact there is now a nasty atmosphere. Ring another friend who wasn’t on the weekend and tell them (within his earshot) what a fabulous time you had, spend extra special time with your little ones, and make sure you make a plan to go away again soon. Do not give him the power to control the mood in the home.

If he is still like it today I would just ask him what's wrong again.

He is still moody today but then again, now, so am i

Agreed. It's all a bit drama lama...

Why are you moody? Fuck him and his shitty attitute, you’re letting him turn this into a miserable experience, and now it will effect the kids with an atmosphere in the house if you allow it! Pull your socks up, get on with your day and ignore him completely until he apologies or at least has the decency to use his words and tell you what you did so wrong that he’s not talking to you, my guess is he won’t but in a couple of days he’ll apologise for his shitty attitude and expect it to all be forgotten and go back to normal.

Don’t listen to people saying this is your fault, you’ve done nothing worth this treatment, even if you purposely left him waiting round the corner, I wouldn’t expect this to be carrying on in a normal healthy relationship.

@Poundinthepond I was married to someone like this - didn't like socialising but was jealous when I saw other people, passive-aggressive sulking if he had to take charge of the DCs by himself for any length of time (Including when I was in hospital overnight).

You didn't have a miscommunication over your arrival time. You sent a clear countdown of your ETA as he requested, starting well in advance to give him enough warning. He took his time leaving the house deliberately in order to keep you waiting. He parked around the corner deliberately in order to make it seem like you hadn't communicated with him clearly enough. He was annoyed that you left him with the wifework for the weekend, so he was deliberately trying to wrong-foot you and manufacture an excuse to blame you for his annoyance.

I'm moody coz of how yesterday went and now, knowing his history for prolonging arguments /atmosphere, having to deal with it again today.

I just can't be arsed with moodiness

I mean I'm moody with PMT when the time comes but I'm always responsive to him , I never shut down

If he's regularly OTT moody for stuff like this I'd be getting angry and telling him I can't live like this and does he see a future in the relationship if he is going to get so horrible over a minor misunderstanding and I'd ask him what exactly he is so upset about as it seems a huge over reaction.

He has text me apologising for not being welcoming and being aggressive yesterday

I hope you told him to shove his apology up his arse.

I hope you asked him what he was going to do so he isn't aggressive in future. He might turn that abusive trait on the children in a couple of years time, especially once teenage hormones kick in.

He's pissed off you went. My DH has behaved like this before when I've gone away. Swore blind he didn't mind but then acted like a bit of a dick when I got home.

Just go to him and say, "I am sorry that I didn't text that I was ready to be picked up. I thought it was obvious from my texts, but I can now see that it wasn't." And then hopefully he apologizes for acting like a Karen about it.
But, yeah. I probably would have understood and others as well, but not everybody would. Also, if it is a situation where he would have had to park illegally to pick you up, then I could also see why he got upset. I get upset when people tell me that they are ready or ready in five minutes and then I show up and there is no parking and no them and I have to keep driving around until they deign to show up.

He’s being childish because you went away. His actions are louder than his words

Exactly this. He's sulking.

My partner is exactly like this. Whenever I go away with friends they regularly talk to their partners and I hear nothing from mine unless I contact him and then I don’t always get a reply. I’m used to it now but it does hurt x

Sounds like he is sulking as he had to look after the kids for the weekend and it was also too much like hard work for him……

Your partner is abusive.

The fact that you managed to make 2 kids and didn’t manage to figure out your communication is a big problem. For both of you