To have not told him I arrived & expect to be picked up

[Poundinthepond]

Just got back from a lovely weekend away for a hen party, first thing me I've ever left my DDs 9&4 that long

I noticed over weekend other wives speaking with their husbands, facetiming them, speaking with kids etc

My DH has hardly spoke to me and only replied when prompted

I appreciate if it's the first time I've left DDs that long it's first time he's had them alone they long but he is their dad after all

And he isn't in any way pissed off that I went. That's not where this is going.

Anyway getting to the point....

Transfer from airport was to bring us back to brides home which is only 5 min drive from our house but too long to walk with luggage so plan was for him to pick me up, I checked with him last night that he's okay to collect me and he said yes just tell me the time to get you

I text him when I landed

And my texts followed like this :

1. In taxi from airport, ETA 1130 (1.5 hours) traffic depending, will let u know when 20 mins away

1. ETA 11.25 (20 mins away)

1. 5 mins away

(He didn't reply to any of these but he did read them)

Get to brides house and other hens get collected by husbands, greeted nicely, helped with luggage etc.

Im still waiting 15 mins later and he texts me saying what's taking so long

I rang him and said I'm here waiting for you!

He thinks I should've told him when I arrived as he was waiting around the corner for me to tell him then he was going to come to the house

Okay, so a bit strange but nonetheless in my opinion a miscommunication

He pulls up, doesn't get out the car and is in a.completely foul mood

Ruined my reuniting with youngest DD in car

He has been in a mood all day and feel like I've been walking on egg shells

He says he's unwell with sinus infection, fair enough, but he literally isn't interested in me at all and is in fact treating me with contempt

I know you shouldn't compare relationships but I can't help it in this situation

How on earth is "I'm 5 minutes away" in any way vague?

Wow OP you are getting a ridiculous response from some on here.

No he should not have been short with you when you were away.

The car thing around the corner was just bonkers. He didn’t have to socialise he could have waited in the car outside your friend’s house.

Yes he should have been happier to have you home.

No it’s not ok to be in a big sulk after your partner returns home.

If he is generally a good man then I would sit him down and spell this all out for him. I know an ‘introvert’ who would have behaved the same way - needed someone to open his eyes to how he made the other person feel.

Then you need to make a point of going out again and expecting a better response from him.

Can't you just ask him why he's being arsey?

@Poundinthepond

How often is he left to solely parent your DC?

I ask as l agree with others that he’s pissed off you going away, so is being very passive/aggressive.

Personally, I couldn’t put up with that shit. Call him out.

I think there is miscommunication and if he is a bit ill and it's been a tiring weekend for him I could see him being a bit grumpy. However it does sound like he's been quite short/cold with you all weekend. I don't think you sound needy from wanting a couple of phone calls and with my DH we'd call when we fancied no onus on the traveller to do the call. I think he's a bit pissed off at having to look after DC on his own and he's directing his frustration at you. I'm not going to say punishing you as that sounds quite tactical. My DH is often quite grumpy after a long day with the kids but he still encourages me to go out with friends, he's not doing it to make me feel bad, just is tired. Have you asked him how he is? How his weekends been? It sounds like this weekend was a big deal for you, I haven't left my kids overnight that much so I'd probably feel similar but maybe DH doesn't feel like it's such a big deal?

He was a dick up pick up but I can't believe all the facetiming/calls etc when it was only a weekend. Would have thought your friends could survive for 48 hours without the need to check-in. Sounds all very needy and a bit pathetic tbh.

either you don't drive, or you don't have a 4 year old 😂.

It's one thing to be left in charge of your own kids all weekend so their other parent can go and enjoy themselves, we all do, but it's another thing to be expected to wait around to pick them up.

Fair enough to send warning on how close you are, so they can get ready, but how hard is it to text "I am ready" once you are actually there, when it's "5 minutes away" from the house anyway.

chill out.

Parents saying "hi" to their children and sending a couple of supporting messages to the other parent left in charge is normal for most people. It's not about surviving, it's about people who care for each other. Better than pretending you are young and free and ignore everything when you have kids at home frankly.

I don't think it's any of the things you've mentioned, it could be partly his illness, but still doesn't explain it, you haven't done anything worthy of the way he's treating you.

My BIL was always like this with my sister if she went on a night out (god forbid a weekend away with the girls) he'd punish her by giving her the cold shoulder before, during and sometimes for days afterwards, he would sometimes say nasty things to her to as she was getting ready too, telling her she looked like shit etc.

He's normally a nice bloke, but it's like in his mind she's not out with the girls, she's meeting up with other blokes (she of course wasn't), but it's like he cant get the imaginary cheating out of his mind and punishes her accordingly.. fucking bonkers!

Just ignore him, that's what my sister would do, she'd act all bright and breezy and pretend there's nothing wrong until he came round, which he always would.

DO NOT spoil him FGS, it will set a precedent of you kissing up to him when he behaves terribly to make up for you 'wrong doing'! It's a shame because if he was acting normally you could make it up for him for having to have the kids while he was ill, but he's fucked that now! Mardy git!

I'd lay money on him punishing you. If you ignore him, it'll probably eventually all come out as to why.

@Poundinthepond You are clearly very different in your attitude towards socialising/other people

How did that work before you were married? Did you never go out with other couples?

Do you think he might try and dodge the wedding?

😂 This. 'Vague' pmsl, I swear people get more daft by the day on here. Or nastier, just waiting to pounce cos they have shitty lives of their own and not a soul to take it out on. She gave him a run down of her journey and he still couldn't manage to get there in time. Good Lord. OP, dont pander to his mood, tell him he needs to sort his shit out because you've had a lovely time away and he's ruining it. If it's made you think about your relationship and what you want out of it its no bad thing.

yeah right. If you are happy to drop everything and wait like a good wife for your husband, it's a bit old fashion, but please yourself, I wouldn't .😂Who has the "shitty life" do you think 😂😂

Mine would have the decency to arrive before expecting his lift, not expect me to wait around. He would also be grateful for the weekend off, as I would, but each to their own apparently.

The title of this thread, chosen by the OP, is quite telling.

"But it doesn't feel like he was respecting my time away"

What on earth does this pearler even mean? Because he wasn't ecstatic enough when you called and messaged?

Then he wasn't happy enough so "ruined your reuniting".

Then his reaction to a cuddle wasn't enthusiastic enough.

Sinus infections are horrific. He probably used all his energy looking after the children and had no perky excitement left.

Sounds like you don't want a husband, you want a labrador...

I find it bonkers you'd have even got out the taxi at the brides house and not just kept going for the last 5 mins.

That’s what I was thinking. Honestly it feels to me that the OP was looking for a production at pick up. I’d be grumpy too if my spouse wanted me to pick them up when they were in a perfectly good cab and 5 minutes away.

I’m not even going to comment on the ‘play date’ at the pub she tried to arrange.

You keep talking about how you weren't irritated by your husband being 'late' to pick you up and how you laughed it off.
I wonder if that is part of the problem - from his point of view, he knows you are a lot more social than him and might want a bit of a chat so is waiting for your 'come now' and he waits nearby to be ready. Then eventually he rings and you laugh merrily about how you've been ready all along.

Goodness me, I commented on some numbnut saying that a text saying '5 mins away' is vague 😁. I mean, it might be presumptuous but it certainly isn't vague. Oh and I wouldn't pick mine up at all, I've seen him carry a heavy holdall over his head for half an hour in a tiny crowded airport, he would manage a 5 minute walk home!

I thought this too, to be honest, any excuse for some drama.

Ruined my reuniting with youngest DD in car. oh dear.

Is he moody often? I can't be arsed with men like him who can't regulate their emotions, and their wives have to stay jolly to counteract it. Do you feel like you often have to do this?

Being away from your kids was a big thing for you and he absolutely ruined the reunion. I couldn't give a shit if he's got a sinus infection, you've tried to be nice and he's still being a dick so I think wait until the next day then have it out with him. If he's still in a mood about it then he obviously has a problem regulating his emotions and there's no saving him.

There's a bigger issue here if he is like this often and these miscommunications are regular. Or maybe he isn't often in these moods because you use all your energy to prevent them usually.

.

Your sister should leave this abusive man.

Really? That’s the latest thing to be annoyed about now?????

She has every right to miss her daughter 1 day, 4 days or 6 months and it has absolutely nothing to do with you goin on deployment or not.

I noticed over weekend other wives speaking with their husbands, facetiming them, speaking with kids etc

If I was the person at home, I’d be completely pissed off by this. Surely people can go one weekend without having to be so needy and call/FaceTime/text home each day? If my DH went away and did this I’d think he’d gone mad. Even when you have young children (age incapable of understanding mummy/daddy gone away but will be back after 2 night sleeps), they tend to get upset with FaceTime/calls when they end so best not to burden the person at home with having to deal with that.

Suggest you call him and tell him when to pick you up to avoid miscommunication like this.

I think it’s been blown out of proportion unless there were concerns about the relationship before this trip.