To have not told him I arrived & expect to be picked up

[Poundinthepond]

Just got back from a lovely weekend away for a hen party, first thing me I've ever left my DDs 9&4 that long

I noticed over weekend other wives speaking with their husbands, facetiming them, speaking with kids etc

My DH has hardly spoke to me and only replied when prompted

I appreciate if it's the first time I've left DDs that long it's first time he's had them alone they long but he is their dad after all

And he isn't in any way pissed off that I went. That's not where this is going.

Anyway getting to the point....

Transfer from airport was to bring us back to brides home which is only 5 min drive from our house but too long to walk with luggage so plan was for him to pick me up, I checked with him last night that he's okay to collect me and he said yes just tell me the time to get you

I text him when I landed

And my texts followed like this :

1. In taxi from airport, ETA 1130 (1.5 hours) traffic depending, will let u know when 20 mins away

1. ETA 11.25 (20 mins away)

1. 5 mins away

(He didn't reply to any of these but he did read them)

Get to brides house and other hens get collected by husbands, greeted nicely, helped with luggage etc.

Im still waiting 15 mins later and he texts me saying what's taking so long

I rang him and said I'm here waiting for you!

He thinks I should've told him when I arrived as he was waiting around the corner for me to tell him then he was going to come to the house

Okay, so a bit strange but nonetheless in my opinion a miscommunication

He pulls up, doesn't get out the car and is in a.completely foul mood

Ruined my reuniting with youngest DD in car

He has been in a mood all day and feel like I've been walking on egg shells

He says he's unwell with sinus infection, fair enough, but he literally isn't interested in me at all and is in fact treating me with contempt

I know you shouldn't compare relationships but I can't help it in this situation

You must be very easily offended.

He's never been away for weekend

In fact

He doesn't have any friends

Think I would call him introverted

But don't want to offend any introverts who do have friends

I think he might be feeling really awful physically - it might be worth spoiling him, assuming he is feeling really ill, and suggesting he goes to bed and you'll bring him up a cup of tea/glass of whisky/thing of choice.

Actions speak louder than words!
My ex was often like this, having a massive strop over little things, sulking, not talking etc It was his way of trying to control me. If I went out / away he never complained directly but would overreact to something small instead, I was always treading on eggshells.

Absolutely won't be doing this

If he didn't behave the way he did and was ill then absolutely, I'd pander to him and see what he needs and take control of DC

But I won't pander to him being in a foul mood

When we got home after I'd spent five minutes with DD I entered the kitchen to give him a cuddle and ask jovial if he missed me

His cuddle was perfunctory and cold

In fact he didn't use his arms he just leaned in a bit when I put my arms around him

It was a semi-tactic to see if the mood from the car mix up was continuing

And it is

Indeed

Oh come on, she gave an ETA, a 20 minutes away update and a five minutes away update. That’s not vague! If he was in any way confused (and if he were confused I’d worry about concussion or dementia), he could have replied – “I’ll set off to meet you then, or are you hanging out there for a bit?”

He left her there waiting deliberately, it looks like.

Can’t believe the OP blaming on this thread. The situation isn’t unusual.

reverse it. It would go like that... Husband goes away for a long stag weekend with friends, expect car to be waiting for him when he feels like being picked up, with 2 young kids in the back no less, sulks if his wife is not keen on meeting said friends and do small talk when they are saying good bye, still with kids in the back of the car. Then husband sulking about the car not ready blames his "chauffeur" for ruining the reunion with the kids, and keeps banging on how hurtful it was to be separated from his precious children while he was having fun with friends.
Posters would have a huge go at that ungrateful husband, taking his partner for granted and left alone with their kids all weekend so he could have the freedom to go and enjoy himself.

on this thread, I am team husband 😂

What do you mean by 'treating you with contempt'? It sounds like a simple miscommunication. If I was the picker upper, I'd expect a rough estimate of pick up time then I'd come and collect you. If I was out and aboutbor doing something I'd expect you to wait a bit. Saying your ETA is 5mins isn't a summons to be there waiting. Possibly different if midnight at the train station.
He's irritated because he's sat in his car and you're irritated because you were waiting at your friend's. The contact during your holiday is individual choice. I probably wouldn't be facetiming whilst on a hen do, or texting pics of my break.
I disagree with others that he's 'done this' on purpose so you don't go out again. I don't actually think he's done anything, we'll anymore than you have. If you missed him and you're glad to be together with him, let it go.

I know everyone’s relationship dynamic is different when it comes to communication, but I’d have left it at the 20mins away message and thought that that was clear enough! You couldn’t have been much clearer than saying 5mins away (assuming that he knew you were coming home pretty much straightaway). If my DH then didn’t turn up and was waiting in the car round the corner I’d be asking him why he was behaving like such a tit and telling him that if he wasn’t sure of what was going on then he’s capable of messaging or ringing to check if I was ready, or, you know, actually driving round the corner rather than sitting there seething to himself! Very odd.
I also think it sounds like he’s sulking because he’s had a worse time than you and I wouldn’t be impressed. Really childish behaviour.

Entitled much? 😂If you want a taxi, book one.

The "5 minutes away" IS vague, expecting the car ready when you finally turn up, faff around with luggage, chat with friends.

If it was really 5 minutes away, it would have made more sense to be dropped off at home in the first, how much money do you actually save on a 5 minute taxi? 😂

That would work

However

I didn't complain once about any delay in car pick up

I realised there'd been a miscommunication and tried to laugh it off

In fact it was an embarrassing conversation coz I could tel on the phone he was pissed off and I was trying to be jolly

I didn't complain

I would've waited longer if necessary

You sound really needy with all of this. If you can’t be away for a weekend without being in constant contact that’s your issue. Last thing I want when either of us is away to spend half the time with my face in my phone. In fact, I find it quite rude when it’s a weekend away and people spend most of the time on their phone. As for the picking up bit, all just sounds like miscommunication to me and you’ve decided it’s his fault because he didn’t constantly call and text you over the weekend.

Firstly I didn't expect him to be there when I arrived

And I didn't complain when he wasn't

Secondly it wasn't a taxi it was a prebooked destination to destination transfer. I couldn't have gone to my house

Now wishing I'd got an Uber

The difference here is that the op has never left yet ours before. Nobody reads your example and think that man has never been away with his kids.

i’d just say to him so this mood- is it something I’m going to have to put up with every time I go away? If so im going to have to go away every month until you get used to it because this is pretty crappy.

He might be a bit jealous you have a social life and he doesn't. For his man cold though lots of ginger tea with honey and lemon and plenty of fluids.

I wasn't irritated waiting.

It is indeed a simple miscommunication

So why , then, his mood?

It really isn’t. Do you just like being offended?!

Don’t compare him to the other husbands. My friends husband is a grumpy sod and not a great communicator but he is a good man and is always there for her and the children. Another friend had a charming, texting, ‘devoted’ husband but he started having an affair when she was 8months pregnant and left her before the baby was a year old.

I expect it is the sinus thing and he is a bit fed up that he has spent a weekend looking after the kids, who probably went on about how great mummy is and how much they missed her.

It is indeed a simple miscommunication

So why , then, his mood?
I guess it's the sinus infection and dragging out to pick you up and (in his eyes) you weren't ready. It's still unclear what you mean by moody or treating you with contempt.
l get your disappointment. You'd maybe hoped he'd been a bit more engaged and pleased to see you but maybe he's thinking that too. Or maybe he's just tired and thinking, yeah its nice youre home but can we just chill.
You're not unreasonable to be a bit disappointed at your flat reception, but you are unreasonable to expect more given the miscommunication.

It's weird behaviour, you told him you were 5 mins away then 15 mins later he messages to ask what's taking you so long as he's sat waiting round the corner. How long had he been there for and why not just go straight to the house?

Thank you for that perspective it has helped with me.comparing, thank u

Judging from his.last text he left 8 mins after I said 5 mins away

So the fact that he is therefore late would assume he would go straight to house

But he hid round the corner 🙄😅

Re: contempt

I feel like when I've tried speaking to him since being home he's been so short with me and moody and off, that I feel like I've done something wrong

He's not making eye contact, answering sharply and only when necessary

That's how I feel the contempt