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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you inform your next door neighbours every time you’re having a bbq?

392 replies

Lolabear38 · 05/06/2023 15:02

Last weekend my family and I had a bbq. The following day (Monday) I saw next door neighbour- I wouldn’t say I know them very well but always polite and say hi, smiles etc. This time however she looked mightily annoyed and said along the lines of ‘next time you decide to have a stinking bbq in your garden please let me know in advance, my washing was out drying and it got ruined. I had to do the whole lot again’. (It was a standard bbq, so yes bbq smells but nothing unusual). I was a bit taken aback by her tone but replied and said ‘I’m really sorry, I didn’t even think. Next time I’ll give you a knock and you can take your washing in.’ She replied and said ‘No I won’t be taking my washing in, if I have washing out you won’t be able to have a bbq!’ And she stormed off.

Now, I’ll be honest it didn’t even occur to me to let the neighbours know I was having a bbq but yes ok I see that in future it would be courteous to let them know. But AIBU to think that even if NDN has clothes out I can have the bbq anyway?!

OP posts:
ShimmeringShirts · 06/06/2023 09:11

Don’t check whether their washing is out, don’t give a fuck about them at all. This is your garden, your time and your life. Your neighbour has no right whatsoever to control or dictate what you do in your life. You are not answerable to her.

HarLace1 · 06/06/2023 09:26

She sounds like an utter dick. Don't even pre warn her next time what a miserable sod. She's probably jealous! For whatever reason lol

Smallngrumpy · 06/06/2023 10:26

We have this issue with our neighbours, as in they BBQ when we have washing out.
I tried to speak to them about letting us know if we have washing out, I think thats fair as their BBQ is actually against our connecting fence and ends up blowing into our garden and house.
They took it as I wanted them to not have BBQ but all I want is a little respect and consideration, that way everyone gets what they want.

But dont stop your BBQs , you can do what you want in your garden, just give them a heads up.

purplehair1 · 06/06/2023 11:59

It would never occur to me to inform anyone. There are about 7 or 8 gardens next to mine. I’ve never noticed any smells on washing from bbq I thought this was a made up thing!

Girliegurl · 06/06/2023 12:00

No way!! Tell her to sod off!! I would be having a BBQ every weekend for the foreseeable now!! What you do in your own home has sod all to do with her!! Bit different if you were playing loud music or being loud in general past 10pm at night but if you're just enjoying the good weather then good on you!!

thaisweetchill · 06/06/2023 12:09

I've never informed a neighbour or pre warned them I was having a BBQ. What's she's going to do? Chuck water over your BBQ?

She's sounds a lunatic.

IWantToVote · 06/06/2023 12:19

The neighbour was rude but I'd be annoyed at having to redo a whole load of laundry too! It's might be a fair amount of work for some people.

I have my all my neighbours on a whattsapp group so I can easily send a neighbour a quick message. I wouldn't have a bbq if my neighbours had laundry out unless, perhaps, it was a windy day.

All my neighbours are lovely though. We all help each other and try to be considerate. I'm so glad to don't live next to some of the people you hear about on Mumsnet.

Billyho · 06/06/2023 14:38

IWantToVote · 06/06/2023 12:19

The neighbour was rude but I'd be annoyed at having to redo a whole load of laundry too! It's might be a fair amount of work for some people.

I have my all my neighbours on a whattsapp group so I can easily send a neighbour a quick message. I wouldn't have a bbq if my neighbours had laundry out unless, perhaps, it was a windy day.

All my neighbours are lovely though. We all help each other and try to be considerate. I'm so glad to don't live next to some of the people you hear about on Mumsnet.

Yeah I’m nightly glad I don’t live next to some on here. I enjoy using my garden and my neighbours are life a let live…

love it!

Sunshine275 · 06/06/2023 14:40

Wow she sounds horrid, I certainly wouldn’t be telling her next time with that attitude. How’s she going to stop you having a BBQ I mean really what a silly woman.

If she had been kinder in how she approached and because she raised an issue I would have normally been respectful and give them the heads up but given the way you spoke to you I’d be saying sweet FA.

Or give her a little note through her door so you don’t have to speak to her BBQ incoming! (Although why should you have to)

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 06/06/2023 15:28

I have specifically asked my neighbours to kindly let me know if they are going to have a fire (not a BBQ although they often do both at once) and they have refused point blank. I could understand it if I was a loon objecting to a BBQ! But I do agree it's a courtesy if you notice washing out etc.

Manthide · 06/06/2023 15:39

I've never thought about informing our neighbours we were having a bbq (we live in a 3 bed semi). We've never been informed either and we have 3 other back gardens butting up to ours. Normally I can smell if they've put the bbq on and I then decide about my washing. I'm not too fussed about my washing but dh isn't a fan. I might feel different if I was washing baby clothes or work clothes.

Tara336 · 06/06/2023 15:50

We always wait until the evening to BBQ and that way neighbours not likely to have washing out. But if it was mid day or whatever I would be courteous and let them know we are lighting one to give them the opportunity to take the washing in.

ToneDeath · 06/06/2023 15:54

cantcopenow · 05/06/2023 15:16

What’s she going to do, come over and stop you?

She needs to remember that you catch more flies with honey.

Catch even more flies with dog shit. That’s why I’m horrible to everyone I meet.

user1471556818 · 06/06/2023 16:04

We do let our immediate neighbour know that lighting the bbq at a certain time if she has washing out
Just seems polite

truthhurts23 · 06/06/2023 16:12

looks like its time for another bbq, you should have one every weekend
your neighbour doesnt own the air

TisforTucan · 06/06/2023 16:15

I would of said before but not after she was that rude, I wouldn't even make the effort to be polite anymore.

My neighbour decided to light a bonfire right outside my window that's shared over his property last night so my whole house smells like burnt plastic today, he didn't warn us.

Phos · 06/06/2023 16:17

No and I’ve never received a warning either. That said the houses on our street are really spaced out so whilst we would probably be able to smell a bbq it wouldn’t be close enough to make washing smell.

Catbumps · 06/06/2023 16:19

Yes I always told my neighbours if their washing was out

SpringleDingle · 06/06/2023 16:25

I wouldn't even take my own washing in if I was BBQing so I sure wouldn't warn my neighbours. I have a gas BBQ and it runs most evenings when it is sunny... Just for some veggie Kebabs or a fish or a chicken fillet.

onlythe · 06/06/2023 16:25

I've never told anyone but we only BBQ about twice a year. Our neighbours are the kind to have the washing out drying quite early and back in before any BBQ's are going. Neighbours on both sides have never warned us but they aren't doing it all that often. I don't have a problem with giving a heads up but better to do the day before isn't it so it could be put out and brought back earlier where possible? I certainly wouldn't allow them to dictate my plans though.

Milly89 · 06/06/2023 16:26

We always knock the immediate neighbours doors if they have washing out or windows open. But it they chose to leave washing out/windows open I would continue with the bbq!

LivingDeadGirlUK · 06/06/2023 16:31

starfishmummy · 06/06/2023 08:51

It always used to be something people did years ago - or maybe it was just something people did where I lived then. But no one seems to bother any more.

Yeah when I was growing up we always used to let the neighbors know if we were BBQ'ing or planning to, and they had washing out. When I was a student we did too but now I don't think anyone does.

sweetdreamstenasee · 06/06/2023 16:36

She’s made it worse for herself now because she’s been rude.

Crack on and have a bbq whenever you want.

WhenImSixtyFour · 06/06/2023 16:39

Last year we went to light the BBQ & noticed the house over the back had washing out, mind our BBQ is the furthest away from the fence possible, but we called over as a courtesy and they thanked us and got their washing in.

This weekend our washing was out, out rotary airer is near the fence. Their BBQ is seemingly just the other side of the fence so it was a mad dash to get our washing in when black smoke started pouring over the fence! We won’t bother telling them next time we have one.

OrangeFlorange · 06/06/2023 16:45

What a strange woman! I've never been pre warned about a neighbour having a BBQ and I wouldn't think about pre warning my neighbours if I had one either.