Do you inform your next door neighbours every time you’re having a bbq?

[Lolabear38]

Last weekend my family and I had a bbq. The following day (Monday) I saw next door neighbour- I wouldn’t say I know them very well but always polite and say hi, smiles etc. This time however she looked mightily annoyed and said along the lines of ‘next time you decide to have a stinking bbq in your garden please let me know in advance, my washing was out drying and it got ruined. I had to do the whole lot again’. (It was a standard bbq, so yes bbq smells but nothing unusual). I was a bit taken aback by her tone but replied and said ‘I’m really sorry, I didn’t even think. Next time I’ll give you a knock and you can take your washing in.’ She replied and said ‘No I won’t be taking my washing in, if I have washing out you won’t be able to have a bbq!’ And she stormed off.

Now, I’ll be honest it didn’t even occur to me to let the neighbours know I was having a bbq but yes ok I see that in future it would be courteous to let them know. But AIBU to think that even if NDN has clothes out I can have the bbq anyway?!

So by her reckoning, if you plan a BBQ and invite some guests, if she decides that morning to hang out her laundry, you should cancel the BBQ. Imagine messaging everyone, "hi all, Mandy from next door has hung her washing out this morning so the BBQ is off".

She was having a bad day. I'd send round a small pressie (a real token - a v small box of chocs - something like £2 worth of Maltesers perhaps) with an apology, and say you'll 'negotiate' with her about BBQ in future and sorry you upset her. She is probably feeling bad about being such a witch ATM.

I was actually feeling quite annoyed yesterday that our neighbours had a bbq and covered my drying sheets in meaty bbq smoke (especially as I’m a vegetarian!) We’d nipped out so couldn’t dash in and grab them like I would’ve done if we were home.

But it’s summer and people are always having bbqs in this weather! I wouldn’t dream of having a go at the neighbours or tell them they couldn’t have a bbq.

Theyve got to listen to my pesky kids screeching excitedly in the paddling pool (we tell them not to shout to no avail!) so would never tell them what they can do in their own garden unless they were blasting music at 2am!

No bloody way would I be sending around a token of any description if my neighbour addressed me like that for having a bbq in my own garden!!!

We have dreadful neighbours. We live in detached houses in the countryside & they built on top of us. It's a long story. Anyway we bbq a lot pretty much year round & I wouldn't dream of letting them know. In fact it would give me pleasure to see smoke blowing towards their garden & they should have considered this before building their crappy house so close to ours when there was absolutely no need.

Well if she spoke to me like that i would light a bloody bbq every night for a month! How ruse. You apologised. I do tend to let my neighbour k ow by message in case they have laundry out but its never been a problem

Do not do this. You do not need to negotiate with her.

Yes we let each other know if we're doing something like bbq-ing or drilling in our house etc, but we're really friendly and we'd never want to stop each other doing anything.

It just seems to me an inexpensive way to spread a little human kindness. And it opens a channel for improved relationships between neighbours. Time for the hard front if (and only if) she is awkward when the OP kindly informs her in advance of the next one.

@JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome brilliant 😆

I'd let my neighbours know I was having a bbq if they had washing out. BBQs can smell a lot and it's inconsiderate not to tell neighbours if they have washing out.

I bbq a lot but my bbq is gas and I have it good and hot so it's not as smelly as slow burn bbqs. One of the reasons I bbq a lot is that I can't stand cooking smells in the house so I'd be a right CF if I wasn't considerate of my neighbours. I cook fish on the bbq at least once a week right through the year. It's the tastiest thing in the world.

I invite my neighbours for bbqs a lot too.

The gift represents an apology...the op doesn't need to apologise.

She also does not want to get into any kind of negotiation with this woman. If she does, she will find herself having to permanently seek permission from her to do anything in her garden.

It's annoying when you have to bring the washing in for a neighbour's BBQ, but not earth-shattering (unless there's been a family round of D&V). Your neighbour was rude and her expectations are unrealistic.

My NDN on one side has a brick-built BBQ in use every weekend through the summer and often in the winter too. The other side has a fire pit. We've never been pre-warned and wouldn't pre-warn them either. It's just life.

OTOH I do get frothy about the house over the road having massive bonfires. Totally unnecessary and anti-social, and actually illegal in our town too.

🤣 In all my 50 odd years on the planet, I've never been warned about what my neighbours are having for their tea!! And I certainly wouldn't think to do it myself, either!!

If you're having some sort of fire in your garden & burning something, pretty much anything, then THAT would definitely piss me off & I'd expect a warning so that I could get washing in & close windows so my house doesn't take in the smell. But that's it. Any other time, do what you like!!

Your neighbour is an entitled twat & I'd probably go out of my way to BBQ everything from now on - but then I'm petty like that!! 🤣

My neighbours let me know. In a previous house all nearby neighbours were informed if someone was having a bonfire.

I think that is your invitation to have a bbq every day for the next fortnight but I can be super petty.

I don’t even bring my washing in when we have a bbq… v rare for washing to smell.

Well that's just bat shit. BBQ's create smoke - yes we all know it's irritating but that's life. Don't get into this with her - you are allowed to have BBQ's in your garden without some absurd negotiation. She really isn't in charge of this - don't let her dictate what you can, and can't, do in your garden.

If I was having a lot of people around for a bbq ( 30plus ) I would let a neighbour know.
But I really wouldn’t if it’s just a few friends and family.

If her washings out then I suppose she should take it in. I wouldn’t be keeping an eye out for when she puts the washing out to see if I can have a life.

Oh give over!

Anyone that’s mad about “her washing” needs to get a fucking grip!

I would bbq every night - but I am
petty😂

Like everyone else has said I would warn them if I could see their washing was out but otherwise I have never warned or been warned!

I might do something like that if the neighbour were extremely elderly or appeared to have significant mental or physical health problems,. Otherwise, it would be in a sense rewarding her for being stroppy and encouraging her to keep it up/ repeat it. As someone who myself tends to feel very guilty and apologetic if people complain about me, I have had to learn the limits of apologizing, and the point where it becomes counterproductive. Very likely the neighbour was having a bad day, but it's not OP's job to serve as her personal whipping boy.

No I don't notify neighbours and have never been notified.

I’ve never had a BBQ so I’m probably being stupid but do they not give off a lot of smoke/smell?

I assumed it was similar to have a bonfire where you let your neighbours know, especially if they’ve got their washing out.

We all inform each other.

lol, no. you need to ignore her. our neighbours have bbq for basically each meal every day in the summer, sit and talk loud and their kids splash in the paddling pool and scream, obviously thinking we cannot have so much fun....and our washing is always out.

I love people enjoying themselves and never would say a word. Kids playing, adult chatting, a bit of delicious smell - the world is a happier place