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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Will children ever be invited to weddings again

686 replies

georgianwindow · 05/06/2023 11:45

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

OP posts:

EbonyRaven · 05/06/2023 11:48

Weird. For SEVEN couples to have child free weddings (in the space of one year) is very unusual and odd. Most weddings I have been to - ever - allow children. People are free to not have children, but should not complain when some people don't go because they have no-one to look after the children. With most weddings, most (if not all) of the people who would normally look after someone's children, will be at the wedding.

I can't answer your question, because I know very few people who exclude children from weddings. So your AIBU/question doesn't relate.

LlynTegid · 05/06/2023 11:50

Seems you have been unlucky or unfortunate.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 05/06/2023 11:50

It wouldn’t have bothered me if people couldn’t have attended our wedding due to childcare. I didn’t want children there, and now we have our own I stand by that.

Shoxfordian · 05/06/2023 11:50

We had a child-free wedding; don’t really see why you can’t go on your own and still have a good time tbh - or arrange the childcare in advance if you can or decline altogether

Reugny · 05/06/2023 11:52

With the weddings I've been too since the 90s the vast majority only invite family children. (Though to be fair I was a family child but a teen.)

The reason non-family children tend not be be invited is due to the cost and the type of venues chosen.

At one of my siblings wedding reception in a hotel the groom had to shout because he noticed that the younger children, who were being looked after by some external workers, were very near the hotel's large fish pond..

Original poster

georgianwindow · 05/06/2023 11:53

I'm not sure if it is the knock-on effect of covid, possibly venues still having some restrictions in place (I didn't think many did now) or could simply be a financial thing, keeping numbers down, although young babies don't eat food.
Four of the weddings are from the same social circle so I think they may be following each other's lead with it. Another two are family weddings so we have had to decline those, as relatives that would otherwise help with childcare have been invited to the wedding themselves, and they are too far away for only one of us to attend.

OP posts:

DrMarciaFieldstone · 05/06/2023 11:53

Weddings should be whatever the couple getting married want them to be. You had children as you think they add to it, others do not as they don’t think the same.

I’m happily in the child-free camp, I wouldn’t want to take my DC to weddings unless it was immediate family and they were part of the wedding party anyway

MichelleScarn · 05/06/2023 11:54

Can't understand the whole horror and dislike of 'child free weddings' it's a wedding, one that the b&g will hopefully only have 1 of, kids have countless opportunities to dance, have fun and be the focal point of events! Am always a bit 🙄 when people say 'oh but it's the children who make weddings so special'!

EbonyRaven · 05/06/2023 11:55

I never understand the mindset of people who prefer no children at weddings - even their own.

Must have some very badly behaved children in their lives.

Nordicrain · 05/06/2023 11:55

I'd guess it was a cost thing. People tend to get married later now which means a lot of their friends will have kids. If you are doubling your guest list to cater for kids, that's a huge chunk of extra money.

We are now too old to be in the midst of lots of weddings, but evem when we were (about 10 years ago) most were without kids.

DataNotLore · 05/06/2023 11:56

Each to their own and I'd never question an individual couple's decision to do this; it's their wedding after all.

However I don't personally like this trend. A wedding isn't just a night out. It's supposed to be a family gathering. I mean, if you're just going to a reg office with a couple of witnesses I can sort of understand it, but not if your inviting 50 to 100 people and hiring a venue. Yet excluding family members because they're young?

You're just making life difficult for your guests.

Original poster

georgianwindow · 05/06/2023 11:57

I think it is just the high quantity of child-free invitations we have received that is difficult. We almost have to choose whose wedding we would rather go to (if childcare is an option at that time, regardless of it being hard to arrange due to distance). When we have gone alone we have felt a bit like billy no mates as everyone else has been in a couple of had a plus one.

OP posts:

UndercoverCop · 05/06/2023 11:57

We've got 3 coming up this year and am after with children, two of the couples have no children and the third couple have adult children and one 15 year old.
I think completely childfree weddings are still relatively unusual.

JandalsAlways · 05/06/2023 11:57

I had a childfree wedding and always wondered if I would change my opinion on it once I had children. I haven't. Just went to one in the weekend, it was great to have a night out with DH (unfortunately he came later once baby had gone to bed).

bakewellbride · 05/06/2023 11:59

Each to their own but I could never have had a child-free wedding. The children made it special and to me a wedding is a family event and the children are a part of the family.

DataNotLore · 05/06/2023 11:59

Nordicrain · 05/06/2023 11:55

We are now too old to be in the midst of lots of weddings, but evem when we were (about 10 years ago) most were without kids.

Wouldn't you just get a cheaper venue then?

Isn't the venue chosen to fit the guest list?

windowopen · 05/06/2023 11:59

in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves

Thought this statement was weird. The norm is still very much to get married then have kids.

I'd say it's very much up to the couple. If you can attend then attend. If you can't, then don't. They'll understand.

I must say my kids hated going to weddings when they were younger. Stuffy clothes, lots of adults, boring speeches, nothing to do, loud music.

Isitisit · 05/06/2023 12:00

We invited children to ours last year and all except from my siblings and one friend opted to leave their kids at home! So it seems like most people prefer it nowadays.

Reugny · 05/06/2023 12:00

When we have gone alone we have felt a bit like billy no mates as everyone else has been in a couple of had a plus one.

That's just your circle.

Mine, while they allow you to bring a plus one if you ask, don't encourage you to and help you arrange it so you go with at least one other guest.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 05/06/2023 12:01

We had a no children under 12 wedding - only 1 of our guests had children under that age & she was happy to have a childfree night

however the vast majority of weddings I’ve been too have children there

Nordicrain · 05/06/2023 12:01

DataNotLore · 05/06/2023 11:59

Wouldn't you just get a cheaper venue then?

Isn't the venue chosen to fit the guest list?

Show quote history

Well that's the thing - people want the venue they want over the kids of the people they went to uni with who they've met twice and have no relationship with. Or whatever. Which I can sort of understand.

SecretTattoo · 05/06/2023 12:01

All our close friends involved each other’s children in their wedding so it was never much of an issue.

If we got invited to a child free wedding when our kids were young and we didn’t have childcare, we just declined. No big deal. If we had childcare, we went and enjoyed the day. We didn’t ever go alone to a wedding when we had no childcare, as no one that had a child free wedding was that important to us.

The bride and groom should have the day they want but they have to accept it will mean some people won’t attend if that’s a child free wedding. Most weddings we’ve been invited to have included children.

stealthbanana · 05/06/2023 12:01

We invited children to ceremony but not reception (other than babes in arms) as the reception was an evening do at a black tie venue - completely not suitable for children. As an aside, one of the babies screamed the house down during the wedding ceremony so that the guests couldn’t hear us exchange our vows - thanks to those parents for not taking the child out 🙄

now we have kids of our own I still like a child free wedding. Especially with later marriages - if you’re basically having a party why can’t you do that? For most people their wedding is their one chance to have a big old knees up, it seems totally reasonable to me not to turn it into a big children’s event.

bibbityboppityboo · 05/06/2023 12:02

We had a child free wedding (except babes in arms) and tbh it wouldn't have bothered me if someone couldn't attend because they couldn't get childcare, I'd appreciate they tried and understand their priority is with their DC rather than the wedding.

I think all of my friends have had child free weddings - even the ones with DC! It's more of a celebration of the couple + their marriage with friends / family, if they want to have it with only adults and no children I totally understand.

I don't really understand the viewpoint that a wedding without children being invited is odd, to be weddings are separate from having children and are a celebration of the couples love and commitment - if they want to do that without children invited it doesn't make it less of a wedding, or less of a celebration. Weddings are about the couple not some giant wide family gathering imo, and personally at a lot of the weddings I have been to with my friends we've talked about this - they'd rather have 20 friends of their own attend that have 20 spaces for peoples DC, which I totally understand.

Blossomtoes · 05/06/2023 12:02

Childfree weddings have always been a thing in my family. I remember not being invited to several weddings when I was a child. I’m 70 this year.

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