Will children ever be invited to weddings again

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We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

Most of the weddings I’ve been to have only allowed close family children ie nieces/nephews. If you let every couple bring kids, it could easily add another 20/30 to the guest list and that could rule out some venues, or add a prohibitive cost. That being said, I can’t understand why people wouldn’t allow a baby - who doesn’t require a seat/meal etc. Some people don’t get that babies sometimes can’t be away from their mums, if breastfeeding for example. Personally, if someone I really wanted at my wedding couldn’t find any other options for childcare etc then I’d probably allow it though.

I am from a very large extended family. I have 36 cousins. Most of those cousins have partners, and then have between 2 and 4 children. Our "smallish" wedding would have been enormous and beyond expensive if we'd invited all their children. Children of close relatives were invited, but not the children of cousins as it simply wasn't doable!

I sympathise. I would find it depressing. And it's extra stress for guests on a day where they should feel relaxed and in good spirits. Perhaps I've been lucky, the weddings I've been to have been family-orientated, predominately rural and laid-back. Local church, simple marquee in orchard, that sort of thing. Not flashy or formal.

I think child free weddings are a lot more popular now and more people are doing them.

We are getting married next year and will be having a child free wedding except for our own children and my brothers 4 month old baby.

The problem we have is we have some friends who have lovely kids and wouldn’t mind them coming but other friends have fairly badly behaved kids and we don’t want them there! We can’t invite some kids without the rest of them so non of them are coming!

The amount of kids we would have to invite is about 20+ too so we are also saving alot of money by leaving them out.

Its a no brainer really.

Get some Asian friends! Still lots of weddings with kids in this community ;-)

My kids have always loved weddings. At every age. Just something different for them to do.

So if you do this anyway, why is it so important that they’re shoehorned into someone else’s wedding?

The norm has always been no children outside of the immediate family here (Ireland), makes perfect sense to me. Most people would make exceptions for tiny babies or those who have travelled a long way.

We were the first to get married, so no babies among our friends yet. My closest friendship group of 10 includes 4 couples. Ten years on, those 4 couples now come with 10 children between us. If either of the two singletons married I'd never expect them to double the number of invitations for our group, and add the chaos of ten small children!

Snide comments about “flashy” weddings aside, surely the people who should be relaxed and in good spirits are the bride and groom. If 1 child free day gives them that attitude they should have on their day then so be it. Mitigate the new outfit and it would cover the cost of a babysitter so no extra expense maybe?

I think a big part of it is due to the trend of hiring a venue that charges per head rather than just hiring a hall and it doesn’t matter how many people come. If you have space for say 100 guests, and pay per head, you often have to make some tough choices and kids of friends and non-close relatives will be first to go!

I can see no earthly reason why receiving a wedding invitation should cause 'stress'. Why would it?

The decision as to who is included on the happy couples' guest lists are for them. To quote the maxim MN is so fond of trotting out, 'their wedding, their choice'. But the same also applies to guests. The bride's & groom's choices don't extend to whether or not those they invite choose to accept the invitation. To go or not to go rests wholly with the would-be guest.

If a wedding is logistically difficult, prohibitively expensive (here's looking at you, destination weddings to whom guests supposedly owe their annual leave entitlement) or presents trouble or inconvenience to attend, why would you accept?

I'd decline them all, they're just after a piss up rather than being supported by friends and family. I tend to avoid things that ate considered 18+ anyway, harassment and shitty sttitudes tend to abound.

Around here it depends on the venue. People tend to get married in one of three places as we’re quite rural.

One doesn’t charge for children under 8. Charges £10 for children 8-12 for a mean and unlimited diluting juice. Children don’t count toward their numbers. So children tend to be invited.

Another doesn’t charge for or count under 3s. So they tend to be invited, but older kids tend to only be very close family or bridal party as they cost more and count toward numbers.

The other venue charges £15 even for babies that won’t eat or drink anything and count them toward the numbers. Older kids are the same price as adults. Folks marrying there tend not to invite them.

I also think it depends on how many children are in the families. DH’s family have lots of kids so it’s just too many.

Bring “depressed” to be somewhere without your kids is quite bizarre, tbh 😂
How do you cope when they’re at school?!
Honestly, claiming it causes extra stress and depression to attend an event without your kids suggests serious issues.

Nah I think it just sets a different ambience. Adults drinking and dancing isn't exactly child friendly and then if you have the kids who want to do knee slides over the dance floor then the adults don't want to dance.

To be honest, I find weddings to be one of the most boring types of event to attend, so would probably like a child free invite for a good reason to decline (although I would go if it was veryclose family or friends and I could get childcare).

If you don't want to go separately, don't. If someone is having a child free wedding they should be aware that many parents can't or won't attend.

You can make this comment without being snidey about “flash” weddings you know - most of us don’t have a handy orchard nearby where we can fling up a marquee and invite who we like. I live in a built up area and if I wanted a venue with some green space closer to home, I had to pay per head. Wasn’t trying to be ‘flashy’ about it 🙄

I much prefer child free weddings. The ones where my own children have attended, they've not enjoyed at all and I haven't enjoyed them being there!

People who have child free weddings know that you may decline of you can't get childcare sorted and that ti's a risk they are willing to take to have a child free wedding. I can honestly say it much prefer child free weddings as parents are obviously in parent mode and not drinking and having fun, constantly having to monitor they're children and what they are upto and unable to let they're hair down, then kids start playing up and misbehaving and also then have to leave early to put kids to bed etc. I wouldn't want that on my big day

I care about my friends an loved ones more than a pinterest/instagram 'im so perfect' reel so kids where invited. virtually no one brought them though (a newborn in arms attended + 1 guest who travelled hundreds of miles brought her husband and kids).

Same way I have NEVER been invited to a wedding where our kids weren't invited and wouldn't attend on principle if I was (they would clearly be stating they don't actually care if we have the ability to come or not by putting roadblocks in the way so why should we bother when we aren't actually wanted).

That said we have only taken our oldest kid to 2 wedding in all the time of being parents and that because the whole family where going so no babysisters available. First time he was 6 weeks old and slept constantly. Second he was 8 and sat quietly for the ceremony, sat on his tablet at a kids table through the meal, played nicely with the outdoor games out of everyones way and then went home with his grandparents... you wouldn't have even known he was there either time.

My younger kids have never been to a wedding other than my own.

I honestly dont know what people THINK kids are going to do at weddings that is so abhorrent they must be banned but I think it say a lot about either ignorance around children or the company you choose to keep (if all your friends are raising hellions it might be a social circle issue not a 'child' issue).

We take it in turns depending on the wedding invite but generally make a little trip out of it.
We have declined some as we have no childcare options available and I won't split up my boys because one was younger it's not fair and DS1 loves a wedding! Is first on a dance floor, loves picking out a bow tie or wearing a kilt etc I think he loves it more then we do!

I think it's more a sign of the cost but also generally people getting married later which means more friends with children and capacity would mean less friends if inviting more children.

Personally, it's the ability to finish a sentence, and then even hear a full sentence that a friend has said in response! My best friend and I have 5 DC 5 and under between us. The older ones are starting to understand that they need to wait, sometimes, but the toddlers and preschoolers not so much.

I can see no earthly reason why receiving a wedding invitation should cause 'stress'. Why would it?

I can totally see why it would.

Its always easy to say “just decline if it doesn’t work for you” but we all know for some families, or friendships, that just isn’t so easy without causing offence.

Plus atm with the cost of living weddings can be stressful for people even if they really want to attend.

Yes!! We couldn't believe it either.

To be fair, we only looked at "prettier" village halls rather than the 60s brutality that is one down the road and was because we needed it for part of Fri and Sun for set up & take down.

They said that they often had 3 events on over that time in the summer (kids parties etc) so we had to compensate for that income, plus I think they have gotten wise to the fact that people cough up for weddings! So had pitched themselves a few grand below a "proper" venue.

Also sample size of 3 close to us, in affluent villages, so may not be representative!

Have to agree.

I suspect the no children rule is so people can get shit faced and not feel guilty.

Yeh absolutely! Currently have 3.5 yr old....
I want to relax and have a good time without trying to figure out how to accommodate and entertain my child throughout the day.
Weddings have long stretches with no food and adults talking is zzzz to kids.

Even if I got an invite including children, I'd still not take them!