Will children ever be invited to weddings again

[georgianwindow]

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

*Thought this statement was weird. The norm is still very much to get married then have kids.

I'd say it's very much up to the couple. If you can attend then attend. If you can't, then don't. They'll understand.

I must say my kids hated going to weddings when they were younger. Stuffy clothes, lots of adults, boring speeches, nothing to do, loud music.*

A lot (not all) of people we know have done it the other way around, had all of the children they planned to have and then got married later on. Some of them have said it has been financial so that they could put money for the wedding in to buying a bigger home or ensuring that they could give the children what they needed.

I still think the best weddings ever were in a huge hall, all the family , friends and children there, big buffet and band or decent DJ. Not been to one like that in years, if and when mine eventually marry, I know it will be a huge posh affair and it will be lovely, but I hope children are included.

We're having an almost child free wedding. Apart from under 2s (there are only 2 of these)

And honestly, it's cost and numbers. Over 2, they are served a meal (we ran the numbers for a number of different venues and food came out at approx £80 per guest on average). Also inviting your two children means that there are two actual friends we can't invite (not because of room capacity but budget). Then multiply that by 20, for example.

Also people are so unbelievably pushy about wedding invites that it is not worth the aggro to say "only kids we know can come" and cause the arguments. There are few things in life that make you feel shit like wedding guest lists!

As people marry older, more of their friends have children and so the problem gets bigger. With the wedding industry the cash grabbing one that it is, I can't see things changing any time soon. And that's from someone who likes children and would be happy for them to attend in principle.

We married last year and decided to invite children to our wedding and evening reception. Although I do understand why some couples do choose child free weddings.

I do think a lot more couples are having child free weddings these days and I am going to say it is most likely because years ago weddings were very inclusive of the whole family, children and all. These days it is more acceptable to be able to choose which family and friends you will invite. We got some funny looks from close family members who told us they couldn’t understand why we didn’t invite the whole extended family - people we hadn’t seen in years or some that I’ve never even met! Because back in my parents and grandparents days they invited EVERYONE. Even their parents friends were invited.

Couples these days are either going for smaller weddings due to budgeting or just wanting smaller weddings. It is more acceptable to be more choosey in who they invite. So I would say it is 100% the couples choice but I think that at the same time these couples need to understand that if some guests can’t attend due to childcare issues / very young children that they do not want to leave yet then the bride and groom should accept that as a valid reason.

Also it could be a nice opportunity to let your hair down and enjoy the wedding and have a few drinks if your children are being looked after elsewhere

I think it's down to generally poor behaviour these days. Parents don't seem to be capable of controlling their children anymore (in general terms), so having lots of unruly children will spoil the event for everyone else. Yes, it's a shame, but the real shame is that far too many parents let their kids run riot.

Each to their own of course, and sometimes it’s a financial decision maybe, but I personally think it’s sad not to have whole families at weddings.
In Britain we still very much have a hangover of the ‘children should be seen and not heard’ Victorian mentality and as a society are quite hostile to children in comparison to many other European countries. Having lived in a couple of southern European countries I can tell you that children are very much included in all events and are not seen as ‘pests’ like they often are here. Sad really.

I just decline child free weddings. I went to one child free wedding before having dc but most of our friends had weddings that included children. I've noticed a trend where people for example invite their cousins but not their cousins children to cut down on numbers which is fair enough. I decline those invites though.

I always think it depends on the age of the child. My 7 year old would love a good wedding and she would be so well behaved.

Children were invited to my wedding but covid meant we ended up having just a ceremony with minimal guests, coincidentally none of whom had children.

Children are always invited to weddings and any other events in my family, it just seems odd to exclude family and friends based on age... and imo child free weddings always come across a bit pretentious and self-important 🤷‍♀️

None of my friends are married yet, so I guess I'll wait and see how that trends with regards to inviting children.

Also inviting your two children means that there are two actual friends we can't invite (not because of room capacity but budget). Then multiply that by 20, for example.

Does a young breastfed baby prevent this?

A wedding isn't "supposed" to be anything except a couple declaring their commitment to each other.

The last (child-free) wedding I went to was of two gay friends. One of the grooms had no family there because, sadly, they're all homophobic bigots. The other groom only had his parents (no reason other than no extended family). It was a huge and very fun wedding though.

DP and I have no plans to tie the knot but if we do it'll also be mostly family-free as I'm NC with mine and DP is LC with his. It'll be child-free because the only reason we'd get married is to have a proper late-night hedonistic party. It's got sod all to do with "family" for us.

Most of our parent friends have been strongly hinting that they want us to have a child-free wedding just so THEY have an excuse for a party.

@windowopen I actually think getting married then having children is no longer 'the norm' and times have moved on. Loads of unmarried parents at my son's school, loads of my family and friends did kids first then marriage. Things have definitely shifted and the 'traditional way' is more unusual now.

It's just life with young children. Weddings either involve:

Trying to keep young children happy and occupied but not noisy in a wedding environment - not fun

One of you going on your own - ok but one of you misses out

Arrange a babysitter - expensive but maximum fun (we don't have family support)

No optimal option TBH

I think people tend to have more friends at weddings now ( when I got married in the 90s more of the invitees were family members many of whom were older). With friends the proportion of children will be higher so with limited places people are not inviting them.

Nah it's because children are sometimes noisy and annoying, nothing to do with bad behaviour. Maybe the adults want an adult-centric event. Not everything has to be all about the children.

I don't understand the mindset of people that want a bunch of children at a wedding.

Nothing wrong with either view, we are all different after all.

We did family and babes in arms only. List was cut from 32 to 12 children. I was disappointed not to include the all. But 32 children (most of whom we didn’t know) would have been ridiculous.

I've never been invited to a childfree wedding thankfully.

I’m having children at my wedding but I totally understand people that don’t and I think it’s a numbers thing - I’m only having 40 people at my wedding and children are numbers so it can take up quite a lot of numbers and you can’t invite some other people you might want to. My fiancé’s best man for example has 3 children so that’s already 5 people out of my 40.

We had a wedding like this. Country church with a dance in the village hall opposite. All friends, family and their children were invited. It was so much fun, and wouldn't have been the same without the kids who are part of our family & friendship group and who we love very dearly.

They all behaved beautifully, apart from my own almost two-year old who escaped his grandparents' clutches and tried to climb into the pulpit during the ceremony..... It was a very relaxed affair and we made them a big part of the day and it was just lovely.

Also I do think it’s incredibly strange to be huffy about only one of you can attend. I love going to a wedding without DH, especially when it’s one of “my” friends - nice to have a nice out separately!

I suspect there is also a class element to this.

I'm taking a five year old to a wedding that only has an evening do next week. Be half a dozen under tens there.

The majority of weddings I've been to (including 2 of my own 😂) have been childfree. None of my friends with children have batted an eye about this.

I don't get the "it's families joining" thing. IMO, it's about the bride and groom and nobody else. Plus, not everyone's family has children.

Hah. Planning mine and approx one third of the guest list is under 12! It's going to be.... lively!

I found that inviting children to our wedding really brightened the day too.

It’s their choice of course not to invite children but of course they can’t be annoyed when people decline.

I've been to two weddings recently where the couple went out of their way to make sure guests could bring young DC, e.g. reserving rooms in the main venue for parents instead of couple's family so they could take turns to join the evening party and not have to rush off at bedtime. Some people like an adult party for their wedding, others see it as more a celebration of family life. I personally prefer the latter but I don't think there's a right or wrong way of doing it, as long as the child-free wedding couples don't mind if some people can't come.