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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Will children ever be invited to weddings again

686 replies

georgianwindow · 05/06/2023 11:45

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

OP posts:
Scalottia · 05/06/2023 12:20

Nothingisblackandwhite · 05/06/2023 12:17

Hopefully, I find this trend of child free events horrendous. As a child I used to go to quite a few weddings and loving it . It’s a pity children these days cannot be included , especially if it’s within the family

Horrendous? Slavery is horrendous. Starving children is horrendous. Domestic violence is horrendous.

A childfree wedding though? Bit dramatic.

switswoo81 · 05/06/2023 12:20

I'm Irish so probably different but why would you want to inflict an up to 90 min church service, a drinks reception 4 course meal and speeches and then a disco with lots of drink on children.
Fair enough when they are siblings children and have all family around but otherwise I think people want to dress up their children show them off and then go home early with them leaving a half empty party after 9 o clock.

StopFeckingFaffing · 05/06/2023 12:20

I have been to very few (if any) weddings that are completely child free. In my experience, children of close family and friends are invited (eg. nephews/neices/godchildren of the bride or groom) but other children are less welcome

Often I think it is about controlling numbers and cost, especially if most adults invited have DC then it basically means doubling the size of the guest list if all DC are invited

I can't see this changing any time soon with cost of living crisis

brunettemic · 05/06/2023 12:21

You’ve probably been exceptionally unlucky with that many but it’s pretty normal. We had a child free wedding, we didn’t have our own and so it was our choice, it only affected about 2 couples. Drawing the line is always difficult though…if it’s “family”, what does that mean etc. I can see why people do it for cost reason as it could have a big impact.

CarolDunne · 05/06/2023 12:22

Its rare for an Irish wedding to have children

Weddings are not considered suitable for children.

I hate children at weddings. They are just Irritating

MsRosley · 05/06/2023 12:22

Will children be invited to weddings again? Hopefully not. If only there were pubs and restaurants doing the same. God forbid adults could have some downtime without kids around.

DataNotLore · 05/06/2023 12:22

switswoo81 · 05/06/2023 12:20

I'm Irish so probably different but why would you want to inflict an up to 90 min church service, a drinks reception 4 course meal and speeches and then a disco with lots of drink on children.
Fair enough when they are siblings children and have all family around but otherwise I think people want to dress up their children show them off and then go home early with them leaving a half empty party after 9 o clock.

I'm in bed by 9:30 so find by me! Grin

Rapunzzel · 05/06/2023 12:23

I had a child free wedding. If all the friends and family I invited had brought their children, approx a third of the invitees would have been under 12. That would have been expensive and messy. Not the vibe I was going for.

Some couldn't come and that was fine. Perfectly understood.

Workawayxx · 05/06/2023 12:24

I think it probably depends how many of the couple's friends have DC at the point of the wedding. My friend got married and had a 40 people capacity for the venue. Her friends are early 40s including me and pretty much all of us have 2-3 children. She would have ended up with about half the guests being children, many of whom she isn't close to as she doesn't live close by.

My DS is 11 and I had been a bridesmaid 4 times by the time I was 11! Selfishly, I'd love for him to go to a wedding at some point even if just the service for the experience but I don't blame anyone for not inviting him.

ArthnoldManacatsaman · 05/06/2023 12:26

@LoobyDop I haven’t seen brides complaining on here that people with children can’t come either. However, I have seen several threads in the last year or so where the OP has declined an invitation under those circumstances and the bride and groom have taken offence or tried to put pressure on them to change their mind. It seems particularly common with a family wedding (where all the usual childcare options will also be wedding guests), B&G decide child free but there’s an expectation for all relatives to attend and trouble if they decline. So it does seem that people don’t always ‘get it’.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 05/06/2023 12:26

MichelleScarn · 05/06/2023 11:54

Can't understand the whole horror and dislike of 'child free weddings' it's a wedding, one that the b&g will hopefully only have 1 of, kids have countless opportunities to dance, have fun and be the focal point of events! Am always a bit 🙄 when people say 'oh but it's the children who make weddings so special'!

Agree.

Also don't understand how so many parents "have no childcare options." Isn't lining up childminders and babysitters a basic parental duty? Just in case things like this, or emergencies, crop up.

Lcb123 · 05/06/2023 12:26

YABU. It’s about the couple - not you. Just don’t go.

Rapunzzel · 05/06/2023 12:26

Hah. Planning mine and approx one third of the guest list is under 12! It's going to be.... lively!

Honest, I hadn't read this when I posted!

Nanny0gg · 05/06/2023 12:27

Nothingisblackandwhite · 05/06/2023 12:17

Hopefully, I find this trend of child free events horrendous. As a child I used to go to quite a few weddings and loving it . It’s a pity children these days cannot be included , especially if it’s within the family

This.

It also makes me wonder how much the B&G actually want some of these guests there or if they just invite them because they feel they should. And then are quite relieved to have a get-out

Womencanlift · 05/06/2023 12:27

I know quite a few couples who have had a child free wedding and when asked for their thoughts it usually came down to one or both of the following reasons:

  1. costs - kids (especially those of distant family)will take up space that someone they are closer too could have
  2. fear that an entitled parent won’t take their kid out if they are disrupting the ceremony because they don’t want to miss it. Think this is a real fear as it has been seen at quite a few weddings I have attended

As long as the B&G don’t go into a strop when people decline their invites then I don’t see the issue. And as a pp said you never really see a thread where the B&G moan about people declining, it’s more the people that have to decline that moan

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 05/06/2023 12:27

DataNotLore · 05/06/2023 11:56

Each to their own and I'd never question an individual couple's decision to do this; it's their wedding after all.

However I don't personally like this trend. A wedding isn't just a night out. It's supposed to be a family gathering. I mean, if you're just going to a reg office with a couple of witnesses I can sort of understand it, but not if your inviting 50 to 100 people and hiring a venue. Yet excluding family members because they're young?

You're just making life difficult for your guests.

It's not "supposed " to be anything but what the hosts want it to be.

whumpthereitis · 05/06/2023 12:28

What a wedding is supposed to be is up to the couple in question 🤷🏻‍♀️

Controversially, different people like and appreciate different things. Who’d have thought?

We had a childfree wedding, and fully understood that it may have meant some people would have declined. It was one day for us and we celebrated it in the way we wanted to. I’ve been to a few weddings over the last fifteen years, and they’ve all been childfree. It’s certainly common enough to be normal.

’Weddings are about families’ - at one point, and currently in some cases, weddings were about one family finalising what was essentially a business arrangement with another. Times, and preferences, change. I don’t think childfree weddings are going anywhere tbh.

Nanny0gg · 05/06/2023 12:28

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 05/06/2023 12:26

Agree.

Also don't understand how so many parents "have no childcare options." Isn't lining up childminders and babysitters a basic parental duty? Just in case things like this, or emergencies, crop up.

Show quote history

No it's not.

For one thing you are leaving the children for a number of hours which will require food and putting to bed so they need to know the babysitter.

And weddings are expensive enough. How much more do people need to spend to attend them on top of outfits, gifts and travel?

InAFettle · 05/06/2023 12:29

I’m getting married in a few weeks. It’s not child free but only family and bridal party. If everyone we invited brought their kids it would add an extra 50 spaces, we would need a bigger,
more expensive venue, catering would be more expensive, etc. These kids are rarely seen by us through the year so honestly I don’t see why they would be invited tbh, if their parents declined then so be it. We are invited to a similar wedding in October, we’re fortunate to have childcare but if we didn’t it would just be one of those things we or I couldn’t attend (as DPs friends). It’s not a new trend, nor will it go away. Just go to the weddings you can and decline the rest 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
georgianwindow · 05/06/2023 12:30

Also don't understand how so many parents "have no childcare options." Isn't lining up childminders and babysitters a basic parental duty? Just in case things like this, or emergencies, crop up.

We do have childcare in case of emergencies but a wedding is not an emergency. People aren't willing to provide unlimited amounts of childcare for us either, and personally I prefer to choose exactly when I have my child free time/what I do during it. I'd rather have a night away with DH.

OP posts:
Womencanlift · 05/06/2023 12:30

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 05/06/2023 12:26

Agree.

Also don't understand how so many parents "have no childcare options." Isn't lining up childminders and babysitters a basic parental duty? Just in case things like this, or emergencies, crop up.

Show quote history

That’s another that’s changed. In years gone by babysitters would come from neighbours, friends, even friends children

Nowadays you see plenty of threads where people say they don’t like leaving their children with anyone unless it’s from a very small circle. That’s fine but it does limit options

MyTruthIsOut · 05/06/2023 12:31

I had a child free weeding….mainly beciase it meant they’d be taking up seats that I would prefer to be taken up by my own friends and family.

We only had 60 guests at our wedding and there was no way I was sacrificing seats which would mean that people I wanted there couldn’t come because the guest spaces were filled by children that I didn’t know.

It makes absolutely no sense to prioritise other people’s children over my own family and friends.

Hannahsbananas · 05/06/2023 12:31

I find this trend of child free events horrendous
Why?
It’s somebody’s wedding day, they don’t have to take your kids into consideration.
There are myriad other “events” you can take them to that are actually aimed at children, surely?
Do you really never go out for the evening to do anything at all other than child friendly things?

Pubgardener · 05/06/2023 12:32

Maybe because they know how tricky children can be is why they want a child free day!!!

Bookworm20 · 05/06/2023 12:32

Never understood the whole child free wedding thing. Children are part of the family, not the pet cat! But each to their own. I can only assume those that stick by child free weddings, even when they have kids just know and have some really badly behaved little terrors.

And the reasons so often heard of how nice it is to get a 'night out together without the kids'. Don't get this either, as you do realise you can do that anyway? You don't need a wedding invite to have a night out without them.

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