Will children ever be invited to weddings again

[georgianwindow]

We have been invited to quite a few weddings in the last 12 months - seven of them. All of them have been child free. The postman has just been, with another invitation arriving, also adding to the child free wedding invitation pile.
We have a 5 year old and are expecting a baby in 2 months time. Two of the recent invitations have said that we can bring the little one but not the eldest. The ones that do not welcome the baby have been declined because we can not leave such a young baby.
We don't have childcare options readily available to us and have to drive a 2 hour round trip for this.

I have done a couple of the weddings on my own, and DH has as well (and the other of us has stayed at home) but this isn't particularly enjoyable for the one of us that goes to the wedding.

I understand that everyone can make their own decision regarding their weddings but it really it a shame missing out on events because of this, especially when in most circumstances, the bride & groom have children themselves so know how tricky childcare can be. It is the decision of the bride and groom for their wedding day, it does just mean that some guests will decline attending, or attend but possibly not stay for the reception.

Light hearted thread but will children ever be invited to weddings again! We had them at ours and many of them brightened up the day, making people laugh or getting involved, there were no issues regarding behaviour of children and parents were sensible with keeping them occupied during the ceremony. I can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation that didn't cause some level of stress.

I went to three weddings where the children screamed loudly during the ceremony and weren’t taken out by a parent - it ruined the ceremony for everyone.

I guess a lot of people don’t trust some parents to do the right thing and whisk their screaming child out of the church when this happens.

I didn’t take my toddler to my best friend’s wedding even though she was invited because I didn’t want to miss the vows and I knew that if DD started acting up as two year olds can then I’d need to remove her and I’d miss something DH wasn’t there to help.

How old are you? We got married in our late 30s with around 100 guests. If we had invited all children that would be an additional 50 people (not to mention turn our wedding into a kids party). We did have wedding party children ( a good few of them) but had to say no kids to everyone else.

Bring “depressed” to be somewhere without your kids is quite bizarre, tbh 😂
How do you cope when they’re at school?!
Honestly, claiming it causes extra stress and depression to attend an event without your kids suggests serious issues.

Do you have children yourself?
It can be quite rubbish to not see them Mon - Fri, and then not see them on the weekend. So you do have to offend friends (and yes, they do get offended, even though they put the restrictions in place), or friends start getting irritated because you attended Barbara's wedding but not Tracey's.

Weddings are not free for guests to attend, there are often costs attached including overnight accommodation, travel, a wedding gift, possibly a new outfit. Adding a babysitter to this list isn't always wanted. So yes, it can and does cause some level of stress.

Oh god the judgey-judgeyness that reeks out of this comment 😂

I’d rather leave my kids with their grandparents or someone else they can have actually have fun with, than them staring at an iPad for 3 hours listening to boring speeches. If my friends didn’t want kids at their wedding I’d respect that and not accuse them of wanting to be Insta-perfect.

How old are you? We got married in our late 30s with around 100 guests. If we had invited all children that would be an additional 50 people (not to mention turn our wedding into a kids party). We did have wedding party children ( a good few of them) but had to say no kids to everyone else.

Early 30s

Wow! 🤣🤣🤣
Harassment and shitty attitudes…
I think it’s just the people you associate with, if you’re encountering this at weddings.
The fact that they’re child free can only be incidental.

After looking at a few wedding venues, I felt exceptionally lucky that ours charged very little for children's menus. It meant we could invite all our friends' and families' children without worrying about the cost. Most places we looked at charged about £100 a head per adult guest, and at least £50 per child. That would mount up very quickly! As it was, only one of our child guests was of an age where we didn't feel we could ask him to eat the children's menu (simple pasta dishes etc) so we were able to invite all the families with their children for minimal extra cost. It was lovely having them all there, and they were all very well behaved. I think weddings with children usually have much the nicest atmosphere (assuming no irresponsible parents), but if the wedding venue is one that charges extortionate amounts for children then clearly that could become quite an awkward financial decision. We couldn't have managed it if ours had charged that much.

I don't think they will be "the norm" for everyone. People whose parents never take them to weddings, and who grow up without ever attending a wedding, are probably more likely to choose a child-free wedding for themselves. People who grow up going to family weddings and who have childhood memories of sneaking a bit of champage from cousin jeff's glass, bouncing around the disco floor with grandpa and staying up way too late will probably be more open to having kids at their own weddings.

The problem is the wedding industry big "factory" venues which have a magazine-perfect idea of a wedding being a highly photogenic and probably adult-only event where they charge an astonishingly high charge per-head for a somewhat shoddy final product which falls short of the luscious version that they pretend in their marketing materials to offer. It's not in those venues' interests to have a cheaper "kids" price (because booze not included for those, and the food will be simpler) which will ultimately reduce their profits for the day - they would much rather charge £75 per head for 100 guests for an adult-only meal with wine and just one menu to manage rather than having £60 per head for 60 adult guests and £40 per head for 40 kids having a non-drinkers option and dealing with a whole separate menu of chicken-nugget-and-chips etc - the venue gets less money and has to cope with more work and more complication but obviously can't justify charging full-whack for the kids - so people who choose these kinds of venues are more likely to go for a no-kids option because they resent the idea of forking out £75 per head when they know that the various 5 year olds are not going to eat the meal anyway.

Lots of people don't like the factory package though, and tend to have less formal events which are often easier to make family-friendly.

I'd have loved to have all our friends' children at our wedding,but there were 25 of them, which would have made the cost prohibitive.

This! I know it’s down to bride & groom and it’s their own decision but I find it a very sad state of affairs when couples don’t want a wedding to be a family friendly affair. To me, a wedding without everyone (including children) is just a fancy name for a piss up. Then again, it’s just my opinion.

Blimey - this makes me so sad. We cut our cloth to spread the money we had by the number of people we had coming, having whole families was far more important to us than a 'perfect' wedding. I am so glad that this wasn't really a thing for the weddings we went to back in the day, I think it's important that children go to weddings, same as funerals, seeing part of the rituals of life.

Just as its the bride and groom's decision not to have children at their wedding, its my decision whether I will attend such a wedding or nor, and I decline any wedding that my children are not invited to.

I much prefer a child-free wedding.

Kids are annoying.

Child free weddings have always been a thing among my friends and family. Obviously always exceptions for immediate family members or children who have travelled long distances with their family to attend the wedding or whatever but certainly wedding guests would never expect to bring children.

I think the weddings are only an invitation and when you have children it becomes difficult.

We never gave a second thought to declining them.

Emergency childcare yes, but weddings are not an emergency and logistically with 4 children I really wasn't pushed to go to the effort.

Our family weddings have always included the children so have been easy.

I think it's poor when siblings children are not invited but expectations of attendance are made.

I have known of friends that had tensions in their families over this.

We got married last year in our late 30s and had just over 100 guests.

Having been at the tail end of our friends weddings if we had invited everyone's children it would have added 48 children to the guest list, about 35 of those were aged 2-5.

We couldn't fit them all in the church and it would totally have changed the reception to have 35 pre-schoolers running around. It would have been madness!

In the end we said family/wedding party kids only plus babes in arms, although we did say for people to reach out to us if that made it difficult for them.

In contrast my first friend to get married aged 23 had no kids at the wedding apart from her own fairly young baby and a couple of tween cousins as none of the rest of us were there yet.

Kids at weddings don't particularly bother me but I just didn't see another way to make it work. I also think that faced with the same issue as we had most of you would make the same choice.

Mentally look at your friendship groups and wind the clock forward 5 or 10 years. Like I said, my main group of friends was 10 adults when we married, and is now 10 adults plus 10 children, ranging from an 8yo to a baby.

You must be very popular, or have a large family, I've only been to 4 weddings in my whole life and I'm 47😫

Weddings tend to be in hotels these days so people are charged per head. In the past when maybe after a church wedding you'd have a buffet in a hall or pub things were different.

We had a childfree wedding last year. 2 main reasons.

Firstly finances. We had 100 guests, and if we'd invited all of their kids it would have been close to 200 and an extra 2 grand for just the food. We'd also have needed a different larger venue, and our budget couldn't be expanded.

Secondly, we've been to about a dozen weddings in the last few years and the behaviour of the kids (I'm aware it's not their fault, it's their parents) was shocking. Screaming and running around during the ceremony and not being controlled or taken out by parents. I've seen a child knock a bottle of wine off a table on purpose. Food throwing, and touching the buffet items.

We had a very adult wedding with a specific type of band, and whiskey tasting. We do not have kids. Based on all of the above we did not invite kids to the wedding. The exception was 2 small babies in arms, and they left before the band started.

Most of my friends and family are married now so I don’t get so many invitations. I’ve only ever been invited to one child free wedding. Fortunately it was close to home to DH and I “tag teamed” it so one of us did the ceremony and meal and the other did the evening. I went to a family wedding last year which was full of children and it was absolutely lovely. I think it’s a shame to only have part families at what, IMO, is a family celebration. BUT the couple have every right to make whatever decision they want with regard to the guest list (but have to understand that people with children may have to stay away).

Tablets at gatherings is just rude (disabilities excluded obviously).

We have this amazing trick called "including children in the conversation".

Children can't behave because they aren't taught to.

You teach them by sitting them at the table for dinner every night, no screens at table and include in the conversation and do it every night.

People's lives are so fractured with long commutes and working hours, reliance on screens etc. That it's no wonder that neither the kids nor the parents know how to conduct themselves or their children at a wedding.

Mentally look at your friendship groups and wind the clock forward 5 or 10 years. Like I said, my main group of friends was 10 adults when we married, and is now 10 adults plus 10 children, ranging from an 8yo to a baby.

Most of our friends do have children (including brides and grooms), we've discussed this before as a group and everyone else struggles in the same way. I completely understand the reason some people have wanting to go child-free but it is unfair of them to be offended when we decline the invitation, or only one of us comes and leaves before the reception.

I’m getting married this summer. Inviting kids would mean an extra 32 invites! That’s 32 fam/friends we can’t invite to accommodate this. And the atmosphere would be totally different with that many under 10 year olds…! We now have 5 kids attending - immediate family and ppl I know have no childcare options. One of those still said it’s such a shame she has to leave at 8pm due to bedtime, sometimes adults want to let their hair down. I have my own wonderful kid and totally understand child free weddings.

"family gathering". Yes, the b&g's families, not every other kid they encounteted. Weddings in UK are pricey.
We had childfree wedding, we had no kids in family that time. My sibling married in my native country and lots of their friends had kids and most importantly the wedding set up meamt no extra cost, so kids invited.
Each to their own. I liked both but mine wouldn't work well with kids. Plus it would cost extra.