Partners step dad has a locked room in family home

[axopa]

They have a spare bedroom which he has a padlocked door on.

They live together partners mum and him and there two children. Age 15 and 12

He works from home drawing up roofs. He didn't go to uni etc and isn't top of his company etc (not to be putting it down) but there's no reason for the lock on the door for this work. He isn't doing really big deals. Just there regular things. People in the office wouldn't have a lock etc. it would all just be out on the tables. My partner works there too so I asked about set up. No one's work is locked away. It's open plan. They have visitors in etc. only certain people do the big jobs even they aren't locked away.

His kids are much too old for going in and messing up his work. And they could easily be told don't go in and touch the work.

I don't like him. Hes very narcissistic and inappropriate and creepy. Especially to younger girls

No one has ever seen in his room. His wife doesn't go in, he spends a lot of time in it. It is very much don't go in or he will be very angry if anyone did or tried to. Not that they could because it's padlocked off.

Am I right in feelings it's off or is it just because he's very narcissistic? I personally would hate it and feel very uncomfortable if it is just for the work I'd want to know the code too. But his wife doesn't and isn't allowed in

If he really is a controlling narc, then I think he's just got his own stuff in there and enjoys the fact he controls the rest of the household, denying them access to his private den.

Maybe he has porn in there, I can't see that a locked room is automatically a trademark of child sexual abuse though - perhaps he has a really fucking expensive train set in there!

DP suggests he likes to wear an adult nappy and its his private niche kink space for solo use only. DP needs to play out more though and stop listening to JD Kirk novels on Audible.

Until we moved recently I had a locked office in my house. My employer required it to ensure that we are GDPR compliant when working from home. Now I have a locked cabinet.

Op . Anyone who is worried about online behaviour of a friend or relative can call the Lucy faithful foundation...look up their Stop it Now helpline.

And yes. An unexplained locked room and bad feeling about someone is a reasonable grounds given the common problem sadly of men watching online child abuse.

They are experts and will advise on next steps.

Gawd. Sounds straight out of Bluebeard. Creepy as hell.

No, an "unexplained locked room and bad feeling about someone" is not reasonable grounds. At all.

Calling a helpline does not mean you are getting someone into trouble. It means you are seeking advice from people who are experts in what are signs to act on..what are not anď how to tale further steps if needed.

Online child abuse is a massive massive crisis in terms of number of men engaging in it and having suspicions is reasonable for anyone as long as they act sensibly about them

No. Suspecting someone of watching online child abuse because they have a locked room and you have a 'bad feeling about them' is not reasonable at all. It's insane.

Years ago we had a guest tutor who taught at my FE college for a few days, he seemed absolutely a nice young, friendly, clean-cut guy. The least creepy guy you could imagine. A few months later he was in the papers accused of grooming a young teenager! 😬
It might be possible OP that your partners relative has some work that needs to be kept confidential - like from a public body maybe - that he wouldn't talk about openly.

Will the OP ever escape the padlocked room and fill us in with all the juicy details?

I somehow doubt it, @GalileoHumpkins ...

My first thought is sex toys, followed by expensive electronics teenagers might want to try or "borrow"

@crabbyoldappletree the ways in which he is a narcissistic is he belittles his wife in front of me and my kids so it must be even worse alone

Belittles his daughter

He believes men are superior. He thinks his wife should do all house work even though she works too. Thinks his daughter should be seen not heard

I know it's common for kids now to be younger and have these thoughts but she very much wants to be a boy and has since 9/10 ish. But all this combined just makes me question it. I'm young myself and have been ahead of my age and completely understand everything about transgender changes but this is just so off to me.

She was forced to wear dresses all the time even in winter I made the comment isn't she freezing? She would have been about 9/10 too.

He never allowed my partner as a teen to have a bed. Just a mattress even though "they are from money".

He just bought his wife a gastric band but yet his two children who are 12,15 are in toddler beds like from cots to bed which last until age 5? He doesn't allow them to have any nice things but he can.

Everything is for show. Super nice to strangers but horrible to his own kids.

I've never witnessed him spend a minute with his kids or hug them etc. he just belittles his daughter and holds his son super high but at the same time to a limit

He really is a nasty man. He makes my skin crawl. His mum is the same way too. Although my partners mum can admit her husbands mum is a narcissist she can't admit it of her husband

They also break up non stop. I've been with my partner 8 years and each year they've broken up. In 2020 they got divorced. He made her leave the family home and was incredibly horrible. Realised no one else wanted him brought her back in. Made her pay rent to her house she previously owned now this year is selling "his" house and taking all the profits. Even though for 3 years she paid rent to him. It's unreal. Each break up is his idea and he kicks her out her own house

What's even weirder is his daughter begged to stay with her mum and never to stay at his house.

There's a lot of weird things to such as believing she had a period at 9 yet went to the drs and everything was normal and fine. Partners dad claimed she had boobs at 6 (she absolutely did not) so took her to drs over this.

I've never witness him being a kind genuine person. I've witnessed in public out for meals etc him being this generous loving kind person. He even went out his way to give kids near a machine coins for it but wouldn't give his own kids coins for it just for the aww" reaction from others but his own kids were told no

Has your partner spoken to his father about his behaviour?
The locked room is a red herring..

@crabbyoldappletree they have a dog too and right now are in turkey. They've left it alone in their home. With someone going over once every few days to check on it

I'm very very tempted to phone rspca on them. The dog is alone for 2 days by itself

I don't know anything about dogs myself but I know you can't leave them thah long they aren't like small pets or cats they need humans around.

Theyve done this since I've known my partner too. During the winter the poor thing is in the dark when it's dark. No lights are on so neighbours think no one is in.

Neighbours must be nice because I know the dog howls

If they Can afford a holiday to turkey they can afford to put their dog into a kennel or something whilst away.

I told my partner to take the dog to a kennel etc and charge it to their account in absolute disgust

They think this is okay

Their dog is also not trained at all. He's 7 years old and still isn't potty trained? No idea what to call it for a dog. It also isn't good around kids etc.

@Maireas sadly my partner is still in effect of the abuse he's scared of him and still tries to please him as much as possible. How on edge everyone is around him is just horrible terrified they don't put a cup away or make a slight mess etc

It's very sad

Why wasn't this huge list of behaviours your OP?

Call the rspca.

Kennels wont take the dog, he wont have had his annual vaccinations.

I think that list of behaviours/outright abuse would have been the thing to lead with over a locked door OP.

Maybe start a new thread in relationships with what you’ve written in your most recent post

How old is your partner? Why does he still live at home?

Yes, the locked room is most definitely not the most serious issue here.

they have a dog too and right now are in turkey. They've left it alone in their home. With someone going over once every few days to check on it

Every few days!

That is not on. I would be contacting the RSPCA.

Well damn. I was being tongue in cheek with my initial Fritzl comment. But a 9 year old girl bleeding from her privates and him knowing about it and her being scared of him is extremely alarming on top of every other awful thing in your post. This actually is enough for a report to social services coupled with the cot beds etc. Not to say they will be able to storm in, but if the school have also raised anything about the kids behaviour then it could be the tipping point for intervention.

Yes, this actually does seem like serious abuse.

He sounds abusive and vile, why did the wife not get a lawyer, he can't just steal the house. It also sounds like he is abusing his daughter, maybe you do need to message child protection anonymously.

Whilst they’re in Turkey, get that padlock off the door