Page 7 | Partners step dad has a locked room in family home

axopa · 2023-06-04T17:00:43+00:00

They have a spare bedroom which he has a padlocked door on. They live together partners mum and him and there two children. Age 15 and 12 He works from home drawing up roofs. He didn't go to uni etc and isn't top of his company etc (not to be putting it down) but there's no reason for the lock on the door for this work. He isn't doing really big deals. Just there regular things. People in the office wouldn't have a lock etc. it would all just be out on the tables. My partner works there too so I asked about set up. No one's work is locked away. It's open plan. They have visitors in etc. only certain people do the big jobs even they aren't locked away. His kids are much too old for going in and messing up his work. And they could easily be told don't go in and touch the work. I don't like him. Hes very narcissistic and inappropriate and creepy. Especially to younger girls No one has ever seen in his room. His wife doesn't go in, he spends a lot of time in it. It is very much don't go in or he will be very angry if anyone did or tried to. Not that they could because it's padlocked off. Am I right in feelings it's off or is it just because he's very narcissistic? I personally would hate it and feel very uncomfortable if it is just for the work I'd want to know the code too. But his wife doesn't and isn't allowed in

MaybeSmaller · 04/06/2023 20:44

He didn't go to uni etc and isn't top of his company etc (not to be putting it down)

This sounds like snobbery to me.
Yes, you ARE putting it down, otherwise why even mention it?
And by definition most people aren't "top of their company" (whatever that even means) otherwise they would in fact be running that company rather than being one of many employees (which most people are).
It just sounds like you don't like this man and snobbery is a big reason. Not going to Uni?!!! Gosh, call the police!

Maireas · 04/06/2023 20:45

merderforlife · 04/06/2023 20:43

I believe they tracked him down online. I was only a teen at the time.

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Yes, that's how they usually do it.
Not breaking down a locked door.

Wheresthebeach · 04/06/2023 20:46

Jesus wept of course it’s creepy and weird. If there were prized possessions everyone would know what was there and why it was locked.

nhsometime · 04/06/2023 20:49

Thoughtful2355 · 04/06/2023 20:17

I'd have to anonymously tip off the police as a " think I saw some stuff in his locked room" type thing

Ah, so you would make stuff up and lie to the police. Interesting.

Maireas · 04/06/2023 20:51

Yeah, still don't know how you'd tell the police you'd got into the room. Or how you'd explain your lie if nothing was found..

thirdfiddle · 04/06/2023 20:51

Perhaps you could suggest that they install a porn blocker on the Wifi as kids are getting older. That's a thing isn't it? I'm sure we had the option.

bobaloo · 04/06/2023 20:52

this entire thread is bonkers. why is it any of your concern?

Diyextension · 04/06/2023 20:57

He either has a Spanish galleon he’s building out of matchsticks and has been working on it for the last ten years or he dresses up in womens clothes and that’s where he does it 🙂

Thamantha · 04/06/2023 20:58

As other's have said, trust your gut.

You can make a request via Sarah's law to find out if he has any past child abuse offenses, which may help lay down some of the ideas raised by this thread (although you would only find out something if he had been caught). You can also report to the local safeguarding team as a 'puzzle piece', they won't take any action without proof but if anything else is known in other areas then sometimes enough puzzle pieces allows them to act or investigate further.

winterchills · 04/06/2023 21:07

Very odd!! I would be tempted to also report it especially as u say how is with younger females

Maireas · 04/06/2023 21:08

winterchills · 04/06/2023 21:07

Very odd!! I would be tempted to also report it especially as u say how is with younger females

What would you report?.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/06/2023 21:09

DepartureLounge · 04/06/2023 20:38

But you would know that there was a fire, and therefore to call 999. Both you and the pp who is fixated with my bathroom don't seem to understand how fires start. They don't generally just go wooomph, like a scene out of Backdraft. Most domestic fires are caused by faulty electrics. They start small then get bigger. Often the smell of burning dust or the presence of smoke alerts you to a problem before it's an actual fire, and you can either act to put the fire out/prevent it from taking hold in the first place, or you have time to gtfo.

You can't do that if the room is padlocked shut and no one has the opportunity to figure out what's going on before half the house has gone up in flames, taking out adjacent rooms or filling them with life-threatening levels of smoke. Not at all the same as someone keeling over on the loo or whatever the hell was suggested upthread.

I don't know why anyone is even arguing about this tbh. Unless the stepdad is on sentry duty all day every day, it's completely obvious that a room being inaccessible to all other members of the household elevates the fire safety risk for everyone living there. I can't think most people would be happy with that in their own home, completely leaving aside any speculation about what's actually in the room. I know I wouldn't.

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The smoke coming out from under the door and setting your smoke detector off.tells you to GTFO. Unless you are patrolling your house constantly checking for hot plugs and the smell of molten insulation, you aren't likely to catch an electrical fire before it becomes too big to fight. Plus, electrical fires tend to fail the "wet towel" test because of the electrocution risk. You have to cut the power first before you can even apply the wet tea towel and the fire will grow whilst you are doing that.

Plenty of people have to lock internal rooms for good reasons and these reasons don't go away just because you misunderstand how to tackle (or rather, not tackle) an electrical fire hazard.

The best ways to protect your home and family against electrical fires are:

to get your wiring checked every ten years or whenever you move house;
get electrical work, especially that which may increase the load on a ring main, done by a Part P qualified electrician;
to make sure that you buy British Standards approved extension cables and appliances, avoiding overseas sellers on Amazon and eBay because those sellers often sell unapproved unsafe products and Amazon in particular will not remove the listings;
do not attempt to repair electrical items yourself;
do not use appliances that have damaged casings or cables;
do not use socket covers, they do not protect your children and can damage sockets;
do not use "block" multi-way adaptors as the weight of the block and multiple plugs can damage sockets.

Qualifications for saying this: I am (amongst many other things) a City and Guilds qualified portable appliance tester and a former workplace fire warden.

Plbrookes · 04/06/2023 21:54

bsnellgrove · 04/06/2023 20:29

99% certain he watches (child) porn. It has all the trade marks. Tricky one, this.

99% certain you're insane. I bolted the door when I had a bath earlier. Is that reasonable grounds for suspicion?

TooJoy · 04/06/2023 21:59

Wheresthebeach · 04/06/2023 20:46

Jesus wept of course it’s creepy and weird. If there were prized possessions everyone would know what was there and why it was locked.

Why is it creepy and weird?

What do you think he’s got in the room?

RampantIvy · 04/06/2023 22:04

Why is it creepy and weird?

You really have to ask this?

IVbumble · 04/06/2023 22:12

Maireas · 04/06/2023 19:51

Right so, you'd get someone from the fire brigade so that the bloke could be encouraged to unlock his door?
You don't think that constitutes a waste of time for overstretched essential services?

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Checking peoples houses for fire risk is an additional service offered by Kent fire and rescue service - check out their fb page - it doesn't detract from any required emergency work but is a valid service that helps to minimise fire risk is is offered to the local community.

Maireas · 04/06/2023 22:19

IVbumble · 04/06/2023 22:12

Checking peoples houses for fire risk is an additional service offered by Kent fire and rescue service - check out their fb page - it doesn't detract from any required emergency work but is a valid service that helps to minimise fire risk is is offered to the local community.

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Someone already answered that for me upthread, thanks

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 04/06/2023 22:39

Have you asked him why he locks it? In what way is he inappropriate with young women? You really should answer before someone suggests getting the SAS involved. Some really bonkers opinions tonight

EekGoesTheBaby · 04/06/2023 23:03

Hocuspocusnonsense · 04/06/2023 20:10

Jess probably watches inappropriate/illegal porn in there.

You’re right to find it creepy.

Although I don’t see the relevance of mentioning ‘he didn’t go to uni’.

Sounds like you need to talk to Jess, OP. Maybe she can get you the code!

LardyDee · 04/06/2023 23:38

PinkFrogss · 04/06/2023 19:44

This thread is peak MN

Sometimes I think history took a wrong turn with the suffragettes.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 04/06/2023 23:51

OP needs to come back and expand on "He is creepy and inappropriate around young women"
Why do they think this? What have they witnessed?

12 and 15 is still peak "gonna be a lil shit and rummage through Dad's stuff because I want something." Especially if it is something like his mega Lego collection he doesn't want played with.

How do you know wife doesn't know what's in there? Rather than she does know and just doesn't care?

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 05/06/2023 00:00

DraconianDen · 04/06/2023 19:38

Jesus Christ some of the responses on here are absolutely batshit!! People are entitled to some bloody privacy in their own homes, WTF are you all on? It’s perfectly normal for people to have locked rooms, maybe he carries a lot of petty cash for a club he’s a part of, maybe he has lots of paperwork lying around in there, maybe his family are nosey fuckers that can’t be trusted… and calling the police?! I can’t get my head around that one - “in case there are any girls locally that go missing” - how the hell do you make it through the day being so paranoid?! I’m genuinely astounded by the insanity in this thread, some serious mass hysteria going on

You must be new
Every man who is vaguely suspicious is a filthy, filthy pervert. Even if they aren't actually suspicious

DepartureLounge · 05/06/2023 00:13

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/06/2023 21:09

The smoke coming out from under the door and setting your smoke detector off.tells you to GTFO. Unless you are patrolling your house constantly checking for hot plugs and the smell of molten insulation, you aren't likely to catch an electrical fire before it becomes too big to fight. Plus, electrical fires tend to fail the "wet towel" test because of the electrocution risk. You have to cut the power first before you can even apply the wet tea towel and the fire will grow whilst you are doing that.

Plenty of people have to lock internal rooms for good reasons and these reasons don't go away just because you misunderstand how to tackle (or rather, not tackle) an electrical fire hazard.

The best ways to protect your home and family against electrical fires are:

to get your wiring checked every ten years or whenever you move house;
get electrical work, especially that which may increase the load on a ring main, done by a Part P qualified electrician;
to make sure that you buy British Standards approved extension cables and appliances, avoiding overseas sellers on Amazon and eBay because those sellers often sell unapproved unsafe products and Amazon in particular will not remove the listings;
do not attempt to repair electrical items yourself;
do not use appliances that have damaged casings or cables;
do not use socket covers, they do not protect your children and can damage sockets;
do not use "block" multi-way adaptors as the weight of the block and multiple plugs can damage sockets.

Qualifications for saying this: I am (amongst many other things) a City and Guilds qualified portable appliance tester and a former workplace fire warden.

Show quote history

Hey, you're the one who suggested "throwing a wet tea towel" on an evolving fire, not me. Bit worrying for someone who's "a City and Guilds qualified portable appliance tester and a former workplace fire warden", what with all the training that must involve.

I just know that if I were the OP, I would draw the DP's mum's attention to the risks her husband is running on behalf of the whole household, just in case his secret room is in fact not so much where he looks at images of child sexual abuse so much as, say, solders microcircuitry for some geeky hobby and doesn't always remember to turn his soldering iron off. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't share my concerns and the worst happened.

If in the course of that family conversation the secret of what goes on in there gets revealed, then everyone's happy, aren't they.

Enough now. I'm sure the OP can ask if they need any more PAT testing information ffs.🙄

AreYouKiddingAgain · 05/06/2023 00:35

Has he been officially diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder or is this based on your Mumsnet University of the Armchair research sponsored by Dr Google?

How do you mean he is “creepy” around young children? How much time do you spend with him out and about in public to have formed this opinion? I’m not defending him, it just seems you know an awful lot about someone you don’t really know and who spends “a lot of time” in his office anyway.

FWIW I work from home. Also not top person in the company. Just a regular office worker. But our company requires that our offices at home are locked when not in use for insurance purposes for the company-owned equipment inside. Although those who work at the company’s office don’t lock things away, the whole building is locked when not in use, has security cameras and you have to use a swipe card to get into the building and into the individual work areas. If the company owns the equipment then I think they have every right to insist that there is a lock on the room when not in use.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 05/06/2023 05:13

DepartureLounge · 05/06/2023 00:13

Hey, you're the one who suggested "throwing a wet tea towel" on an evolving fire, not me. Bit worrying for someone who's "a City and Guilds qualified portable appliance tester and a former workplace fire warden", what with all the training that must involve.

I just know that if I were the OP, I would draw the DP's mum's attention to the risks her husband is running on behalf of the whole household, just in case his secret room is in fact not so much where he looks at images of child sexual abuse so much as, say, solders microcircuitry for some geeky hobby and doesn't always remember to turn his soldering iron off. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't share my concerns and the worst happened.

If in the course of that family conversation the secret of what goes on in there gets revealed, then everyone's happy, aren't they.

Enough now. I'm sure the OP can ask if they need any more PAT testing information ffs.🙄

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Let's be honest, how many houses have proper British Standards approved fire extinguishers? Most don't even have a fire blanket in the kitchen. So wet towels are what you've got to fight a fire with in most houses.

If you had any training at all you would know that the first rule for fighting any electrical fire is "isolate the equipment" aka turn the power off. You would also know only to fight a fire if it's a person on fire or if "safe to do so" i.e. the fire is very small.

But hey, your armchair wisdom apparently trumps my formal training 🙄