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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partners step dad has a locked room in family home

218 replies

axopa · 04/06/2023 18:00

They have a spare bedroom which he has a padlocked door on.

They live together partners mum and him and there two children. Age 15 and 12

He works from home drawing up roofs. He didn't go to uni etc and isn't top of his company etc (not to be putting it down) but there's no reason for the lock on the door for this work. He isn't doing really big deals. Just there regular things. People in the office wouldn't have a lock etc. it would all just be out on the tables. My partner works there too so I asked about set up. No one's work is locked away. It's open plan. They have visitors in etc. only certain people do the big jobs even they aren't locked away.

His kids are much too old for going in and messing up his work. And they could easily be told don't go in and touch the work.

I don't like him. Hes very narcissistic and inappropriate and creepy. Especially to younger girls

No one has ever seen in his room. His wife doesn't go in, he spends a lot of time in it. It is very much don't go in or he will be very angry if anyone did or tried to. Not that they could because it's padlocked off.

Am I right in feelings it's off or is it just because he's very narcissistic? I personally would hate it and feel very uncomfortable if it is just for the work I'd want to know the code too. But his wife doesn't and isn't allowed in

OP posts:
keyboardkat · 04/06/2023 18:56

Is there a window anyone can look in, or is it covered with a blind or closed curtains? I suppose a ladder would be needed, that's ok - window cleaning day tomorrow.

I think I'd wait until he went in and put a different padlock on and not let him out! Would he climb out the window then? Well if he does, dash in using the new padlock and find his dressing up gear.

I can't understand how wife is not curious or mad at him for hiding this room of doom away like that. I'd have to know what is so precious to him, be it work, dodgy dealing, transvestite clothing, drink/drug stash, whatever. Is he running County Lines or a scam scheme maybe?

My guess is dressing up.

Maireas · 04/06/2023 18:56

SchoolShenanigans · 04/06/2023 18:05

I'd be reporting it to the police. It could be part of a bigger picture you're not aware of (historic abuse, it may trigger something in an investigation etc). Or it could be totally legal but that's to them to decide.

The poor wife, afraid to confront her husband :(

Would the police investigate a man who locks his office in his own house?

lucylulululu · 04/06/2023 18:57

This is definitely creepy, moreso when coupled with what you said about his behaviour towards young girls. And the wife not seeming to want to know? So bizarre. Is there any scenario in which you could sneak the key and bob in and out undetected? Dyou even know where the key is? Very strange 🤔

SharonKaren · 04/06/2023 19:01

So your dp grew up in this house with him? What were his experiences living with him?

AnalLysis · 04/06/2023 19:03

re: police - it could be worth it, they wouldn’t investigate, but it could be worth logging it - sometimes that’s the missing puzzle piece isn’t it?

Maireas · 04/06/2023 19:04

So, the police would log this? Genuinely?

SiobhanSharpe · 04/06/2023 19:05

So -- whatever is in there (and I am not speculating) who on earth would put up with a partner who locks a room in the house and does not allow anyone in at all?
I suppose if the house belongs to him and him alone there might not be much his female partner can do about it.... but otherwise, if the property also belonged to me, I'd be taking a crowbar to that lock, just on principle.

motherofcatsandbears · 04/06/2023 19:05

BDSM dungeon?

Keha · 04/06/2023 19:07

I had a housemate once who locked up all their stuff religiously. I appreciate in a shared house this may seem more normal but we were all friends and it was to an extreme. They had suffered neglect as a child and also had OCD as well and could feel anxious about things of theirs being touched or moved, there were certain things that triggered it more like toiletries. Might be something like that. Also, what on earth would the police do about it?

AnalLysis · 04/06/2023 19:09

Maireas · 04/06/2023 19:04

So, the police would log this? Genuinely?

I don’t know, I was speculating. But they would log complaints about annoying neighbours etc so I don’t see why not. It would probably if anything go down as a vexatious complaint but if something were to happen (eg a child
going missing locally) it might be useful? Not just the locked room, I’m thinking if the odd behaviour with girls as well. But I thankfully have no knowledge of this, just my opinion.

Rubytoos · 04/06/2023 19:10

OP - we’re gonna need you to get in that room. Is the padlock key or combination code? Can you access through the window? What about taking the door off its hinges? Work out a plan to put into action the minute he goes on holiday.

OnedayIwillfeelfree · 04/06/2023 19:11

On the average bedroom door, it may be tricky to put a lock on it, but easy to fix a lever and hasp and use a padlock. It is what I would do on a garage or shed door, or bedroom because I would not know how to fit a lock. ‘Creepy to young girls’? In what way OP? You sound like you don’t like him much, but that’s no reason to make up a drama .

GalileoHumpkins · 04/06/2023 19:11

I bet it's full of Star Trek memorabilia or something. MN sure does have a vivid collective imagination.

CherryRipe1 · 04/06/2023 19:14

Get one of those endoscope camera thingies off Amazon and poke it under the door if possible. It might show up anything obvious like bdsm dungeon. Drill a spy hole through the ceiling from the loft area. Yes yes I'm going ott!

AnalLysis · 04/06/2023 19:14

GalileoHumpkins · 04/06/2023 19:11

I bet it's full of Star Trek memorabilia or something. MN sure does have a vivid collective imagination.

Too true, we are all reading into the tone of the OP and the vibe she is getting - but then we are told to trust our instincts too. So she needs to do (if not do) whatever she feels appropriate I suppose.

ChristmasCwtch · 04/06/2023 19:14

We viewed a house once that had a locked room. No one was allowed in there, the estate agent had never been in. Apparently they’d just used the floor plan from when the house had been a new build 10 years previously. The vendor was a single guy and most of the house appeared unfurnished. So weird!! We skipped that one.

Follow your instinct OP and stay away from him if he’s creepy.

Mars27 · 04/06/2023 19:16

Werewolfnotswearwolf · 04/06/2023 18:08

You’ve seen the Inside No 9 episode with Nicola Walker, right…?

It’s definitely weird. Also, how did it come about? Did they buy the house together then that room got locked off?

Oh Jesus, that was the first thing that came to my mind too 😬

BadNomad · 04/06/2023 19:20

Oh come on. Someone hoarding dodgy porn isn't going to be so obvious as to keep it in the spare room with a big suspicious lock on the door.

Maybe it's just like Monica's closet. Full of random shit that he doesn't want people messing with.

SkankingWombat · 04/06/2023 19:20

I would absolutely love my own room that nobody else was allowed into... But would I go so far as to padlock it? No, that's a bit extreme. Although I would lock it if we had guests (standard mortice lock, not a padlock) Would I be secretive about what was in there? No! I'd be really blunt about enjoying an 'other people'-free space that my family couldn't destroy I'd let my immediate family see what was in there if they asked, but usher them out again fairly quickly.

The combination of the padlock and family having no idea what is in there would creep me out. I would be bringing my big ladder round to peek in through the windows whilst he was out for starters...

Justalittlebitduckling · 04/06/2023 19:21

My thoughts went to fire safety. What if he locks himself in and misplaced the key?

GalileoHumpkins · 04/06/2023 19:22

AnalLysis · 04/06/2023 19:14

Too true, we are all reading into the tone of the OP and the vibe she is getting - but then we are told to trust our instincts too. So she needs to do (if not do) whatever she feels appropriate I suppose.

Show quote history

She seems to know an awful lot about this (imaginary) room, I'm also going with my instincts here.

MaggieBsBoat · 04/06/2023 19:23

SchoolShenanigans · 04/06/2023 18:05

I'd be reporting it to the police. It could be part of a bigger picture you're not aware of (historic abuse, it may trigger something in an investigation etc). Or it could be totally legal but that's to them to decide.

The poor wife, afraid to confront her husband :(

Sorry that’s bloody hilarious. Reporting someone using a padlock in their own home to the police? What are you the Stasi?
FFS

LardyDee · 04/06/2023 19:24

Really absolutely none of your business.

He may be a massive pervert (along with his wife). They are entitled to be massive perverts, and it's got nothing to do with you.

Harryisabollock · 04/06/2023 19:24

Fly a drone up to the window and spy in!

HidingUnderARock · 04/06/2023 19:26

When you say "younger girls" what do you actually mean?
Small female children? Teenage female children?
Or do you mean women younger than him, or women younger than you?

I would mean preteen girls but I know a lot of people would call a 20+ woman a young girl, so when you say "younger girls" it is unclear and also important.

Are the 12 and 15yos girls?