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Original poster

Partners step dad has a locked room in family home

218 replies

axopa · 04/06/2023 18:00

They have a spare bedroom which he has a padlocked door on.

They live together partners mum and him and there two children. Age 15 and 12

He works from home drawing up roofs. He didn't go to uni etc and isn't top of his company etc (not to be putting it down) but there's no reason for the lock on the door for this work. He isn't doing really big deals. Just there regular things. People in the office wouldn't have a lock etc. it would all just be out on the tables. My partner works there too so I asked about set up. No one's work is locked away. It's open plan. They have visitors in etc. only certain people do the big jobs even they aren't locked away.

His kids are much too old for going in and messing up his work. And they could easily be told don't go in and touch the work.

I don't like him. Hes very narcissistic and inappropriate and creepy. Especially to younger girls

No one has ever seen in his room. His wife doesn't go in, he spends a lot of time in it. It is very much don't go in or he will be very angry if anyone did or tried to. Not that they could because it's padlocked off.

Am I right in feelings it's off or is it just because he's very narcissistic? I personally would hate it and feel very uncomfortable if it is just for the work I'd want to know the code too. But his wife doesn't and isn't allowed in

OP posts:
Hocuspocusnonsense · 04/06/2023 20:10

Jess probably watches inappropriate/illegal porn in there.

You’re right to find it creepy.

Although I don’t see the relevance of mentioning ‘he didn’t go to uni’.

Throwncrumbs · 04/06/2023 20:10

Mumdiva99 · 04/06/2023 18:23

My husband works from home and has a lock on his door. He locks it if we have guests or go away. Even when not locked I don't really go in as it's his space. Nothing untoward.....he just doesn't want anyone touching his work stuff. Nothing wrong with that.....

Do you have your own room, with a lock in it that your husband doesn’t have access too?…it’s weird in a family home in any way shape or form!

Hocuspocusnonsense · 04/06/2023 20:10

*oops he not Jess

DepartureLounge · 04/06/2023 20:11

BadNomad · 04/06/2023 20:05

Because if the emergency is someone keeling over on the toilet or slipping in the shower, people will have to get in won't they? People are more likely to have an accident in the bathroom than a random room catching fire, yet most bathrooms have locks on them. In an emergency, a locked door won't keep people out. If the room catches fire, they'll just break down the door or go through the window.

Show quote history

That's a different kind of emergency. I'm talking about fire risk. Unnecessary fire risk. It's unnecessary. And unreasonable.

ShandaLear · 04/06/2023 20:12

It could be perfectly reasonable. What do you mean when you say he’s weird and creepy with young girls? How often do you see him with young girls? What does he do/say to them? And why do you think it’s creepy?

My DP is an engineer, but he works in a ‘sensitive’ industry and has to keep documents/plans etc. locked away. How do you know he’s not an architect doing work for the MOD or the government, or high security casinos/prisons etc. If he’s designing extensions for retirement bungalows or loft extensions then that’s a different matter.

PrincessScarlett · 04/06/2023 20:13

Absolutely nothing wrong with a locked room in a house. I know several people who have locked spare rooms/offices in their house and those that keep Lego collections etc behind a locked door because it's their prized possession.

In what way is he creepy to young girls? How do you know this? You clearly don't like him so are you just projecting or do you have evidence of creepy behaviour?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/06/2023 20:14

Has anybody seen his mother for the last few years?

Maireas · 04/06/2023 20:15

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/06/2023 20:14

Has anybody seen his mother for the last few years?

Plus, don't ask to use the shower.

Thoughtful2355 · 04/06/2023 20:17

I'd have to anonymously tip off the police as a " think I saw some stuff in his locked room" type thing

EasterBreak · 04/06/2023 20:18

I'd anonymously report it due to concerns of what's on his computer. Best to be safe then find out in 10 years

Maireas · 04/06/2023 20:18

Thoughtful2355 · 04/06/2023 20:17

I'd have to anonymously tip off the police as a " think I saw some stuff in his locked room" type thing

What stuff?
How did you get in the locked room?

filingmonotype · 04/06/2023 20:19

Excuse me for being the dissenting voice here, but I think that whether or not he has a padlocked room in his own house is his business, not yours. It's a bit ridiculous that many people on this forum would, with no knowledge of this person, immediately begin speculating the worst possible reasons for someone having a locked room in their own home that has nothing to do with OP. Even if the room was some sort of kink room, that would in any case be his business - why should this person's private life be open to public scrutiny any more than anyone else here?

SparklingMarkling · 04/06/2023 20:20

Yeah I would think that was odd and I would make sure he was never around my children alone.

Intuition shouldn’t be ignored.

Maireas · 04/06/2023 20:20

EasterBreak · 04/06/2023 20:18

I'd anonymously report it due to concerns of what's on his computer. Best to be safe then find out in 10 years

What evidence do you have about what's on his computer? What would you tell the police?

BadNomad · 04/06/2023 20:21

DepartureLounge · 04/06/2023 20:11

That's a different kind of emergency. I'm talking about fire risk. Unnecessary fire risk. It's unnecessary. And unreasonable.

Show quote history

But that's nonsense. People don't leave their front doors unlocked when they go out in case there is a fire and the emergency services need to get in. You don't even know what's in there, so how can you say it's a fire risk? My grandfather had a locked room because he kept his guns in there. My uncle has a locked room at home because he is required to (data protection). No one else can access these rooms. It wasn't an issue.

merderforlife · 04/06/2023 20:23

I would report your suspicions to the police.

a distant family member had a locked room which even his wife was never allowed to enter. He was found to have lots child pornography. He went to prison for it but not for long enough IMO

Maireas · 04/06/2023 20:26

merderforlife · 04/06/2023 20:23

I would report your suspicions to the police.

a distant family member had a locked room which even his wife was never allowed to enter. He was found to have lots child pornography. He went to prison for it but not for long enough IMO

Did they find the child abuse images because of reporting a locked door to the police, or by other means?.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/06/2023 20:27

DepartureLounge · 04/06/2023 19:56

What? How is that comparable? If the bathroom was locked it would have someone in it. Which means in the event of a fire they could unlock it and come out safely.

With a room that's padlocked shut on the outside, what if a fire started inside and the only person with keys for the padlock were not on the premises? Things could get out of hand very quickly. If there's anything electrical in there at all - and realistically there almost certainly is - then there's an elevated fire risk attached to making the room inaccessible, which is stupid imo.

(And my bathroom doesn't have a lock actually, but since it's not the same thing at all, that's not really relevant.)

Show quote history

If a fire starts in your house, unless it's tiny-tiny-tiny (like "Dcat knocked a candle over and set fire to the table centrepiece during dinner" tiny), you don't fight it, you leave and call 999. Basically, any fire too big to put out with a wet teatowel is too big to fight. So your argument is rubbish, because if a fire started in the locked room you would not enter the room.

BounceyB · 04/06/2023 20:28

Thoughtful2355 · 04/06/2023 20:17

I'd have to anonymously tip off the police as a " think I saw some stuff in his locked room" type thing

Just why?? If it's a room full of lego you'll end up looking like a complete dick. On top of this, the police have real crimes with actual evidence to deal with. Yes, it's weird but not illegal.

The OP actually doesn't really know anything about what's going on inside the room. The most she can do is to pay attention to what else is going on.

bsnellgrove · 04/06/2023 20:29

99% certain he watches (child) porn. It has all the trade marks. Tricky one, this.

Blossomtoes · 04/06/2023 20:34

filingmonotype · 04/06/2023 20:19

Excuse me for being the dissenting voice here, but I think that whether or not he has a padlocked room in his own house is his business, not yours. It's a bit ridiculous that many people on this forum would, with no knowledge of this person, immediately begin speculating the worst possible reasons for someone having a locked room in their own home that has nothing to do with OP. Even if the room was some sort of kink room, that would in any case be his business - why should this person's private life be open to public scrutiny any more than anyone else here?

This. If only people could just mind their own business.

DepartureLounge · 04/06/2023 20:38

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/06/2023 20:27

If a fire starts in your house, unless it's tiny-tiny-tiny (like "Dcat knocked a candle over and set fire to the table centrepiece during dinner" tiny), you don't fight it, you leave and call 999. Basically, any fire too big to put out with a wet teatowel is too big to fight. So your argument is rubbish, because if a fire started in the locked room you would not enter the room.

Show quote history

But you would know that there was a fire, and therefore to call 999. Both you and the pp who is fixated with my bathroom don't seem to understand how fires start. They don't generally just go wooomph, like a scene out of Backdraft. Most domestic fires are caused by faulty electrics. They start small then get bigger. Often the smell of burning dust or the presence of smoke alerts you to a problem before it's an actual fire, and you can either act to put the fire out/prevent it from taking hold in the first place, or you have time to gtfo.

You can't do that if the room is padlocked shut and no one has the opportunity to figure out what's going on before half the house has gone up in flames, taking out adjacent rooms or filling them with life-threatening levels of smoke. Not at all the same as someone keeling over on the loo or whatever the hell was suggested upthread.

I don't know why anyone is even arguing about this tbh. Unless the stepdad is on sentry duty all day every day, it's completely obvious that a room being inaccessible to all other members of the household elevates the fire safety risk for everyone living there. I can't think most people would be happy with that in their own home, completely leaving aside any speculation about what's actually in the room. I know I wouldn't.

BeverlyHa · 04/06/2023 20:41

someone to make a tip off to the police

Maireas · 04/06/2023 20:43

BeverlyHa · 04/06/2023 20:41

someone to make a tip off to the police

This had been said about ten times already.
What would you tell the police?

merderforlife · 04/06/2023 20:43

Maireas · 04/06/2023 20:26

Did they find the child abuse images because of reporting a locked door to the police, or by other means?.

Show quote history

I believe they tracked him down online. I was only a teen at the time.