To think perimenopause can make you feel all over the place mentally

[Lifeswhatyoumakeit73]

I am 50 and well into perimenopause but am just about coping with the physical symptoms. It’s the mental & emotional stuff that’s really affecting me:

• overwhelm- at certain points in the month I genuinely feel like i cant cope with anything and I just want to take to my bed or run away
• a feeling of wanting to change everything but I can’t as I have 2 kids and that makes me feel a bit trapped
• can’t be arsed with anything- cleaning, cooking, my job- anything (that feeling tends to be worse when I have pms)
• Not wanting to work anymore!!! I have a lovely job supporting students at a university but have NO interest in it!
• Can’t cope with the kids problems - I feel overwhelmed by worry - I have a 15 year old and an 11 year old.

etc etc. I have days when I want to live simply without any responsibility, possessions etc!! I feel like it’s sending me a bit mad to be honest!

Anyone else?! It’s definitely worse with PMT and with the monthly fluctuations of hormones- I feel those more than I ever have to be honest.

Its the overwhelm though that really feels rubbish!

@GCalltheway

I don't disagree that women of this age are typically run ragged trying to keep everyone happy and learning to put some boundaries up to safeguard their own health and wellbeing is very important. It is important not to get drawn into being the default coper for everyone at your own expense. And obviously HRT isn't for everyone and fair enough. But anecdotally it does seem to help a lot of us.

I just dislike this characterisation of women who either like their jobs or want to remain sexually active as having in some way been duped by the system. Firstly many of us don't have the option of "pulling back" financially so wanting to make our work life pleasant means we need to continue to be good at it and enjoy it. It's also down to personality. I like being busy and useful. Many don't and would rather have a more chilled existence. But the fact that you reject my lifestyle doesn't mean I have been brainwashed.

The sex thing is a very different point from work. But again it's personal. I would argue that very few women these days want to maintain their libido just to keep men happy. They do it for themselves and again if HRT helps with that then and is safe, I can't see what the problem is.

I'm 41 so not in the thick of it yet but I've noticed my pms makes me bonkers sometimes now. I'll just find myself crying and distraught about things I normally handle fine. My daughter has a degenerative condition and mostly day to day I just sort of crack on and put it to the back of my mind. When I'm hormonal though my goodness! I'm just in floods of tears for hours about it and how unfair it is for her (and me tbh).

Reading these posts it's making me so glad I left my disorganised selfish husband 4 years ago. He'd probably be under the patio by the time I was mid fifties if we'd stayed together 😂.

You seem to be taking my point of view and experience very very personally, and it literally has nothing to do with you or your choices. It is my experience. Which tells me you are uncomfortable with at least some aspects of your own life. As you keep jumping on every post I make.

I work and am sexually active, but on my terms. I travel extensively and have lots of friends, and sometimes I drop out of life and rest and relax - I build in time and ring fence to do this, it feels very healthy to me.

Everyone has choices - in some cases the choice might involve sacrifices or are limited but they do exist for all of us. I fear HRT is being over prescribed, and indeed we can not ignore the increase risks of cancer. Working more and more and pushing ourselves beyond capacity will shorten our lives, lead to illness, mental health issues, burn out and breakdowns.

Our ancestors were not even alive at this point, our relatives will have had more gentle, simple lives by far.

I am not signing up to be run into the ground, pumped full of hormones and caffeine to keep going on the hamster wheel, and I do look for more natural ways to respond to my biological changes and transitions. It is a perfectly valid and reasonable option to take.

Yes definitely. HRT saved me. Don't be fobbed off with antidepressants. I started HRT at 46 although looking back think I was perimenopausal from about 38. I've adjusted areas of my life for the better since starting HRT but it was the HRt that enabled me to do that.
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@GCalltheway

You seem to be taking my point of view and experience very very personally, and it literally has nothing to do with you or your choices. It is my experience. Which tells me you are uncomfortable with at least some aspects of your own life. As you keep jumping on every post I make.

I do take it personally when people judge me for working to support my child, and seeking to make my working life run as smoothly as it can, yes. I have no alternative in the matter so I resent people judging me for trying to make this situation as positive as it can be.

It's invariably people who don't have full financial responsibility on their shoulders who seek to lecture other people about the amount of work they do and make sweeping statements about what this says about their self esteem etc.

I also dislike it when people who I don't know read things into my comments about my thoughts and motives. The fact that I disagree with you tells you nothing about my degree of comfort with my own life other than the fact that I disagree with you so I would appreciate if you don't jump to conclusions. You have also been pretty disparaging about people taking HRT, so I could draw the same conclusions about you if I wanted to.

I think you must be/feel judged in your life as you seem very defensive about your life.

However it’s weird you are directing it at me, I don’t even know you or your circumstances or your life! I really don’t care what decisions you make, I assume they are in your best interests, but not everyone feels the same though. I am just speaking from MY own personal experience, allowing more time to relax, see friends, yoga meet ups, downtime helped me. Working less definitely helped.

If you have to try so hard to make something ‘positive’ then that’s about convincing yourself and nothing more - not others judging your decisions. I assume most people couldn’t care any less either way.

I am a mess today.

Work is awful.
Kids are in a mess.
Marriage is not in a good place.

I feel like there's something I can't see, like it's just out of reach. Of course it just be me. But I can't grasp what I'm doing wrong.

So I'm sitting hiding in the toilet having had a bit of a stand off with my work best mate. And I can't even feel better when I go home because, well, see bullet points two and three.

That sounds really hard and difficult. Can you take yourself to a park or a friends house for a hug? You sound like you need one.
It is such a demanding stage of life, I hope you can find something today that helps you to feel much better and stronger. 💐💐
We are all here

Thanks, but no I can't. I'm a bit short on friends and have autistic DD who needs me home in the evenings. Just need one part of life to have some joy in it, but every element of it is so fucking hard.

Actually best mate did just hug me but there's something of a vibe there...so that feels like an extra complication.

Pleasant distraction but probably unhealthy.

Me too OP. I'm 47, and have been on HRT for about 6 months. It has done nothing to alleviate feelings of anxiety and being overwhelmed. Work especially is really difficult. I have quite a stressful job, and even though i only work part time, it takes a tremendous amount of effort to drag myself there and do the best I can. I hate it. I spend most of my time off stressing about work, so I end up feeling like there is no joy in my life whatsoever. And I don't know how to change it. All I want is to be at home, pottering in my garden and making my house beautiful. But that isn't an option at the moment.

What kind of vibe?

Anxious about HRT or driving?

The HRT because I imagine I will pile on weight, start having migraines again (I suffered throughout my 20s and they only after having DCs) and just generally find it messes me up. I'm a catastrophiser which peri is making worse!

Same goes for driving. I was a late learner and find my confidence is suddenly nose-diving. I feel I screw something up every time I drive and then over analyse it until I go bonkers. The irony is that driving more would improve this but I'm stupidly anxious and avoid it.

Sorry to hear about your stress, that sounds horrible.

I find I am like an old car in that I need a lot of maintenance these days. A kind of regular round of checking iron, Vitamin B (good for stress), magnesium (epsom salts), more exercise, daylight within 2 hours of waking, evening primrose oil, mindfulness, early nights, days off, saying no, lowering my expectations, holding on tight, breathing into the belly, lessening caffeine, cutting sugar, cutting carbs, fasting after 7pm, cutting alcohol, etc.

It's kind of tedious but it keeps me on a more even keel.

I also enjoyed 'The Joy Diet' (nothing to do with food) by Martha Beck.

@GCalltheway we're very close, have helped each other through a lot of things, are probably heavily in emotional affair territory, have had a couple of near miss moments. It's all in the mix of the bigger picture of what's going on in my life.

Well it sounds like you at least have one good thing in your life if you are welcoming of her attentions.

Quite frankly a hug goes a very long way I find, we should do it more often everywhere like they do in Italy it’s a powerful instant healer. Feeling attractive and sexually alive even more so. As long as you are comfortable with it.

This is pretty much what I do too, it hasn’t ‘cured’ me but it very much takes the sharp edges away and feels manageable most days. I really notice it if I stop. Pilates, yoga, meditation need to be made accessible and free to everyone.

What is a meno nurse?/

Can I have one???

@GCalltheway he. And yes, I've decided to just embrace it as one of the few things that feel good right now 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Lifeswhatyoumakeit73
I experienced similar. I couldn't work out for a while if I was desperately unhappy, severely anaemic, or perimenopausal. I was awake all the time. I hated everyone.
I tried HRT and it didn't work. I was terribly allergic to the patches, and another one gave me a non-stop half-hearted period
I moaned to the GP and she listened (a good start) and said I could try gel/tablets. Nearly every symptom has gone, and I have had no side effects.
So it may be that (if you are open to HRT) you need to find the one that suits you. I am very, very glad I persisted. No weight gain, thank God.
I wouldn't say I feel normal, because I still don't give a shit about much. But I feel far more normal than I did.

Good for you

We only have one life, there needs to be some happiness.

@ArabeIIaScott
Thats good advice actually, and I will definitely check out the book, thank you 😊

@Poolnoodlepoodle I know what you mean. I left my awful toxic husband 4 years ago, never looked back.

I hope you find some strategies that work for you. I'd suggest just keep trying, it seems to take a varied and tailored approach, and need constant tweaking!

I've also learned a bit about my cycle, so I know how hormones rise and fall and why I might be feeling ragey/weepy/tired at various times. Which seems to help.