To think perimenopause can make you feel all over the place mentally

[Lifeswhatyoumakeit73]

I am 50 and well into perimenopause but am just about coping with the physical symptoms. It’s the mental & emotional stuff that’s really affecting me:

• overwhelm- at certain points in the month I genuinely feel like i cant cope with anything and I just want to take to my bed or run away
• a feeling of wanting to change everything but I can’t as I have 2 kids and that makes me feel a bit trapped
• can’t be arsed with anything- cleaning, cooking, my job- anything (that feeling tends to be worse when I have pms)
• Not wanting to work anymore!!! I have a lovely job supporting students at a university but have NO interest in it!
• Can’t cope with the kids problems - I feel overwhelmed by worry - I have a 15 year old and an 11 year old.

etc etc. I have days when I want to live simply without any responsibility, possessions etc!! I feel like it’s sending me a bit mad to be honest!

Anyone else?! It’s definitely worse with PMT and with the monthly fluctuations of hormones- I feel those more than I ever have to be honest.

Its the overwhelm though that really feels rubbish!

I don’t necessarily disagree, but the small matter of finances and living in a country with a high cost of living, unfortunately don’t allow me to ‘listen to my body’. Financially I have no choice but to work full time, even though it’s bad for my health and is ageing me faster. I expect others will be in the same boat.

You need a medal and a week on a silent retreat at a spa at the very least. Followed by a name change 🥇🎖️

I would down size or move to a cheaper area - look at your options? WFH is a godsend for at least some of the weeks. I do condensed days and psychologically it really helps.

My poor Grandmother was put on Valium around the time of perimenopause and was only taken off it 25+ years later. Unsurprisingly she suffered dementia a few years later.

I long be retired, to be left alone to potter in the garden for weeks, to never menu-plan, cook, shop, clean or organise anything ever again, sleep with my pets in the bed, drink wine every night and not give a shit about weight gain, and generally tell most people to get stuffed.

But no, 15 more years of this shit, at least.

I had a hysterectomy when I was 44 because of a massive fibroid. I was warned my ovaries would probably pack in sooner rather than later but when I started experiencing symptoms I didn't join the dots about what was going on.

Totally identify with the "meh" feeling and not wanting to do anything, go anywhere, see anyone. And that was a good day. A bad day was panic attacks, insomnia and the most intense anxiety I'd ever experienced. Two different GPs prescribed antidepressants but that wasn't what I needed, it was HRT.

I know you've said you had bad experiences with it @Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 but there are different options. I don't manage well on the gel at all, and am allergic to one of hte brands of patches. But the other brand of patch is amazing and I wouldn't be without it. Worth speaking to your GP again?

Not possible got quite a few years, unfortunately.

Good God I couldn't disagree more with this...

I'm 50 and I feel I'm at my absolute peak. I love working and can see myself working (in various ways) for another 30 years. I'm physically active, fitter than I have been for 20 years and I have a busy social life. I can't think of anything worse than "winding down", like waiting for death. What a depressing outlook.

Also there's the small matter that we can't all stop working just because we're menopausal. I'm the main breadwinner in my family.

If "listening to your body" means sitting around waiting to die give the hormones, please.

😂😂 I am not sure I am waiting to die exactly 😅 but I do enjoy more space and time to myself. I physically need it now. Having lunch in the garden with my friends, going to yoga and having some quality helps me feel less overwhelmed. I am leaner not fitter, and eat considerably less now. I feel for me, it works living differently, more simply.

Agree @Thepeopleversuswork - I bloody love what I do, and it gives me so much energy and passion, and loads of my self-esteem comes from it, rightly or wrongly.

Can't think of anything more guaranteed to make me feel ancient than sitting about at home with a poncho on sipping tea and staring out of the window.

I'd feel like I'd consigned myself to a long slow death.

It is a pity you can’t see the value of your life or self esteem beyond work. Living to work sounds like avoidance.

Extrapolated something I never said there, didn't you?

Oh 🙄 let’s not start on each other.

If you know, you know.

You can pump your body full of hormones and drugs to keep up wit other peoples demands or you can listen to your body.

My body was turning my into an anxious wreck. My hormonal rages were pissing off my kids and husband. I couldn't sleep, I was catastrophising, deeply depressed and started planning the easiest way to end it all.

My body was telling me I was oestrogen deficient and "pumping my body full of hormones" has given me my life back.

Stop being so fecking judgemental.

‘Loads of my self esteem comes from
it rightly or wrongly’

Right there.
I am annoyed as I have a fantastically responsible and rewarding job, but I also want space, to relax more and not be worked to the bone. At this stage I want some fun, some freedom and mostly some peace and quiet. For me, the answer isn’t more work, it’s less, but for you maybe it’s the opposite. I am just at the end of the menopause. We are all in different places. I also resent the idea we must be pumped full of drugs to function like 25 year olds! I want to be my age, I embrace the changes and I don’t want others expectations places on me, no thanks. I am running my own race these days!

I feel the same. Have 2 DC with 9 year age gap and they both stress me out in different ways. Gave up a long term job this year and started a new job. Thought it was the job but I hate the new one too. My back hurts, I feel tired, relatively grumpy and would love to live simply. Eating basic home cooked food, reading, crochet, decorating. But I can't as I have to be a taxi for DC - driving them to various clubs, friends, play dates etc.

I feel you OP.

Has anyone had luck getting help if much younger? I'm 39 now, I have every single peri symptom, for the past four or five years now I've been going through it. Past three years I've had such heavy bleeding almost every single day. I basically stop for 2/3 days and start bleeding for a week or two again and then get a break of a day or two. And each day is horrific. I ventured out into town with a ultra tampon, knickers and fleece nighttime pad and period proof knickers to only bleed through the lot and literally leave a puddle on the seat of my car. This is everyday life now, I hate my life so much, I am sick of bleeding, sick of fainting, sick of night sweats and brain fog and forgetting things. Fed up of mood swings and sheer exhaustion. I literally hurt to even type today things are so bad. What a ridiculous misogynistic health system we live with. It's so unfair.

Literally no help anywhere, told to wait for an ablation, been waiting three years now, and no help for anything in between. I can't go on like this.

I am so sorry so many others are going though this. OP I hope the nurse clinic is able to offer something to try and hopefully get some relief from.

Right...so the words loads to you means 'all, and to the complete exclusion of anything else'.

Got it.

That’s great it worked so well for you. Especially given how desperate you were feeling. I am not judging you.

I am genuinely worried for many women may need to scale back/make lifestyle changes rather than take HRT or AD. I was staggered at the lack of publicity the last Oxford study received regarding hormones and contraceptions, and quite frankly it feels like women are being expected to take more and more on later in life.

It seems to me that many women are expected to continue living unbearable lives for multiple reasons and the answer seems to be to shut them up with HRT and antidepressants ratter than addressing the root issues. That is my view. For some hormones might be life savers but for others it runs far deeper than that.

@GCalltheway

It is a pity you can’t see the value of your life or self esteem beyond work. Living to work sounds like avoidance.

Huh?

You seem to have plucked this out of thin air to fit your own story. Who said anything about not seeing the value of life or self esteem beyond work?

I really dislike this narrative you see on here (and elsewhere) of people having a pop at posters who enjoy their work. The "no one ever on their deathbed wished they had worked more" and all this bollocks. It's highly simplistic and has an unpleasantly judgemental ring to it.

Being good at and enjoying your job and having a fulfilling life outside of work are not mutually exclusive. Many people have jobs they love and also make time for a rich and varied family and social life, hobbies and other interests. In fact I would argue people with the energy, direction and self discipline to enjoy their jobs are more likely to use their leisure time well.

Its insulting to people who enjoy their jobs to paint them as some dull corporate automatons just because they have no desire to ease off. It's also unrealistic. We also don't all have the option of going part time to spend our lives gardening etc: many of us have to work full time to support families and there is nothing wrong with seeking to get the best out of our working lives. Please credit us with more intelligence than this.

You have all the experience and skills. Get the full 3 HRTs and do it 🥰

👏👏👏👏👏

Your user name is interesting given your post.

The great thing is you can do whatever the hell you like. That’s the whole point! You want to work 90 hours - you can do it, if it makes you feel good. If I want to work 19 or none I can. You don’t need to convince me it’s the making of you, your opinion is the only one that matters.

I've found evening primrose oil helps.

Also worth reading 'the Happy Menopause' for diet advice - eat lots of protein, veg, and drink lots of water.

Oh god I am there with all of you. Feel like shit, bloated, grim, angry.