To think perimenopause can make you feel all over the place mentally

[Lifeswhatyoumakeit73]

I am 50 and well into perimenopause but am just about coping with the physical symptoms. It’s the mental & emotional stuff that’s really affecting me:

• overwhelm- at certain points in the month I genuinely feel like i cant cope with anything and I just want to take to my bed or run away
• a feeling of wanting to change everything but I can’t as I have 2 kids and that makes me feel a bit trapped
• can’t be arsed with anything- cleaning, cooking, my job- anything (that feeling tends to be worse when I have pms)
• Not wanting to work anymore!!! I have a lovely job supporting students at a university but have NO interest in it!
• Can’t cope with the kids problems - I feel overwhelmed by worry - I have a 15 year old and an 11 year old.

etc etc. I have days when I want to live simply without any responsibility, possessions etc!! I feel like it’s sending me a bit mad to be honest!

Anyone else?! It’s definitely worse with PMT and with the monthly fluctuations of hormones- I feel those more than I ever have to be honest.

Its the overwhelm though that really feels rubbish!

I will be 48 this year, am on HRT which isn't perfect but has curtailed the worst of physical symptoms and dampened down my terrible rages and the urge to drive my car into the sea.

But I really wish everyone and everything would just piss off and leave me alone. I want to ditch my phone, and the computer and just potter in the garden, read books and bake cakes.
My DH is very hands on with DS and round the house but honestly I still feel overwhelmed by it all.
Every afternoon as it creeps round to me having to get in the car and waste 45 mins of my day in traffic for a school run I grow more resentful.

🤣🤣 this should be the poster for menopause it's great

Get pissed
Inappropriate sex
Fuck the lot of ya!

too right 😂

God I feel this. I'm really hoping HRT helps, due to start soon.
I look back at my career and genuinely have no idea how I accomplished things. Some days I can barely log on to my work computer without anxiety. I doubt myself at every turn.
My kids have had huge struggles and I'm worried about other relatives. I would really love to run away (and take my DP because he really keeps me afloat)

Agree with this. Early 50s and am at the point where I'm sick of all the stuff that needs doing all the time. Job, house, DH, teens, primary aged DC, pets, elderly parents. It's that feeling that there is always something to do/look after/sort out/worry about/take care of.

I recognise a lot of the symptoms others are describing and whilst I know a lot is down to peri menopause I do also think you get to a stage of life where you're just a bit bored of the monotony of life, work, parenting and the rest of it all.

I'm interested to see how many posters wish they could just live alone with their dog or cat though as my pissed-off-ness with nurturing definitely extends to pets as well. Fortunately we only have small furries but they've become part of the daily grudge and grind for me which sounds awful but it's true.

Oh god, you've still got hope

I don't know whether to pity or admire you

Haha I dunno either @ssd but I'll take a few years of a rollercoaster before the tea/books/gardening truly kicks in. I shall consider it a last hurrah and wear my leather trousers as often as possible in the meantime.

I love that it’s 98% yanbu

I can't agree more with everyone. Most days I really want to tell my kids to f off and leave me alone.

Watching this thread with interest. I'm only 41 but have pcos and things have definitely changed. I.e. I'm now having periods 🤦 yippee! Has anyone gone in hrt and has a diagnosis of pcos? My hormones are already screwed so reluctant to mess around with an already messed up system. Peri symptoms are mainly the meh feeling, lack of libido and anxiety which has never been there.

I’m 51 and for the past 6 months-ish, I’ve been overwhelmed by wave after wave of anxiety and panic attacks. I feel constantly jangled up and have no idea why,
or whether HRT would help or make things worse.
I have a severely disabled 9-year-old so no chance of being left the hell alone.
Bring on the cats and books!

I'm only 43 but also feeling the same. Just cannot be arsed at all, with anything, I only seem to get a burst of energy to do anything when I'm under pressure and almost out of time so I kind of thrive on the panic. I used to be so organised with housework, paperwork, planning for days out, holidays and kids birthdays etc, but it's all gone out the window. My mum did pass away suddenly and unexpectedly in March this year and I think that has made it worse, but I'm pretty certain I was feeling quite like this before anyway. I'm on the Depo injection and unsure about when and if I should change hormones at some point...

The anxiety is doing my head in. I’ve always been able to cope with everything and I can still fake it, but it’s extremely tough. I keep hoping it’ll pass. Life has been hard the past few years and I need a break.

I'm interested to see how many posters wish they could just live alone with their dog or cat though as my pissed-off-ness with nurturing definitely extends to pets as well

That would be me - I used to yearn for a dog and I'm so relieved it wasn't practical at the time as now I just see it as yet another ongoing chore. I don't have children either and how wrong the people were who said I'd regret it - a further source of great relief.

DH is okay as he fucks off for work for long periods of time, and actually makes my life easier when he is back, so he can stay. He's very practical and handy. It's remarkable how attractive that has become. Twenty year old me would be utterly baffled.

This is so interesting! I’m glad you got helpful help. Would you mind sharing which specialist you saw?

While lucky enough not to be suffering from too many severe symptoms yet, I certainly notice that I have gained weight around my middle that I have never had an issue with previously even post pregnancy. Exercise, diet and sleep seem to be helping me right now - I fully understand that's not the same for everyone and it's not a given that I will continue to be ok.

God I don't want cats and books, I want to get pissed and have inappropriate sex with deeply inappropriate men and get tattoos and say fuck it to everything

Ha ha @SaveMeFromForearms that too!!!

Feel the same, doesn't help that I lost my Dad 7 months ago. Feel as if I'm questioning everything at the moment. Sounds shitty, but I almost regret being at home and working for myself which I've done since my kids were small. Pension pot tiny so I can hardly afford to retire. Things between me and DH not what they should be. Trying to start a new career, but feel as if I need to be on full power all the time and I'm not. Have been on HRT for two years. Like others have said, dont know how much of a difference it makes. Hate the responsibility of having a house thats like a spoilt brat demanding money and time to be spent on it, My 13 year old is beyond rude. He's just complained about dinner now. Hate the housewife role. Would love to live in a tiny apartment by myself with my dog with minimal domestic responsibility, but would like to move further into London.

@Thepeopleversuswork

The oestrogen & progesterone took months to get right dosage as had sprays/gels and tablets before got the patch. Most of my friends said it worked best for them too.

Once that was levelled up I tried to get testosterone as you need the 3 hormones to work effectively.

I went to one doc in my practice and she said no as Testosterone is not NDA approved. I then went to another doc in the same practice with the results from the private tests (to fast track me) and i said I had low libido as that's the criteria to get it prescribed.

But the testogel gave me a big boost after 2 days. You will need to prove your levels are low first but my advice is "Go for it!"! I think I had high levels before meno so after this got replaced I felt much more like me 🥰 xx

ps I also read Davina McCall's Menopause book which was helpful. Good luck! 💓

Ahh this is so depressing but I can fully empathise. I am 45 and have been on HRT for a year but still have not gotten it quite right so currently being reviewed.

I am sick of being responsible for everyone I work 13 hour days as a nurse, and when I come home I am spent, but, nooo I have to organise the food shop/meal plans medical/dental appointments (as I am a nurse apparently 🙄), honestly I love my dh but at weekends if I didn't plan and cook, we would eat shit from the freezer all the time.
I feel so crotchety I have gained a good 10kg due to anti-depressants and HRT( I believe) so, now I am at the gym and on a calorie controlled diet.

I don't want to do this anymore. I am lucky as my periods are not awful and are regular but what's the point of them now? At home It's always mum this and mum that and at work (I am a sister) I constantly hear my name being called. No-one appears to function without me, but god forbid I lose it, everyone looks at me like I am the worst person.
So I am on HRT & anti-depressants, no alcohol or chocolate, plenty of gym and walking oh and of course 13 hour days and plenty of housework, What's not to love 😫.

Yep I have had it for about 10 years now. HRT didn't do anything, periods all over the place..... nothing for sxi months then every three weeks. The doctor even gave me acupuncture. Yes its gradually getting better but my sex drive has totally vanished. Been gone for about 18 months...... think this is normal?? Periods have stopped completely thank you!!! Good luck, might be worth trying alternative remedies like homeopathic medicine x

My sex drive has absolutely disappeared too. I think that if I still had one I would have left DH long ago.

I no longer have the confidence I once had.
I've been on local radio, local TV, national radio, have started very successful community groups from scratch...
But now?
I'm doing little bits of very poorly paid freelance
I've been asked to become a trustee of a large organisation...
Old me would have jumped, not ever questioned my qualifications/suitability...
But this new me?
I feel a fraud and doubt my own ability
It sucks

Interestingly Superdrug online are stating to prescribe testosterone at a reasonable price. You have to have one of their blood tests first but I am tempted. My DH is quite a bit older than me and has more get up and go than I have. I'm on oestrogen and mirena and it has helped with sleep and some of the more physical symptoms.

Omg me too! My perimeno has been pretty mild as well. But I literally don't give a shit. It's so liberating but it hampers progress big time as one day I'm feeling really motivated and the next I'm a spotty bloated depressed mess.

The only thing keeping me going is my retirement plan, my brilliant friends and 1 day to myself in the week where I spend the school day in a kaftan and my AirPods in. Looking forward to that is the only thing that gets me through the week.

I'm hopefully transitioning to menopause as the flooding short cycles that started during covid have been replaced with one period last November and one in Feb and nothing since.

I feel so old but I don't give a shit.

I feel exactly the same, but I see it as natural.
I feel overwhelmed because life IS overwhelming!
I feel knackered because most ot the time I am doing too much.
This is worse I believe for those of us that had children later.

Biologically we are physically past our best and should be winding down. We are not allowed to be tired and worn out by life as modern culture tells us we should always be o the go and producing.

Make the changes you need to in life, if that means part time work and more time pottering so be it. You can pump your body full of hormones and drugs to keep up wit other peoples demands or you can listen to your body.