To think perimenopause can make you feel all over the place mentally

[Lifeswhatyoumakeit73]

I am 50 and well into perimenopause but am just about coping with the physical symptoms. It’s the mental & emotional stuff that’s really affecting me:

• overwhelm- at certain points in the month I genuinely feel like i cant cope with anything and I just want to take to my bed or run away
• a feeling of wanting to change everything but I can’t as I have 2 kids and that makes me feel a bit trapped
• can’t be arsed with anything- cleaning, cooking, my job- anything (that feeling tends to be worse when I have pms)
• Not wanting to work anymore!!! I have a lovely job supporting students at a university but have NO interest in it!
• Can’t cope with the kids problems - I feel overwhelmed by worry - I have a 15 year old and an 11 year old.

etc etc. I have days when I want to live simply without any responsibility, possessions etc!! I feel like it’s sending me a bit mad to be honest!

Anyone else?! It’s definitely worse with PMT and with the monthly fluctuations of hormones- I feel those more than I ever have to be honest.

Its the overwhelm though that really feels rubbish!

I've been prescribed HRT but am afraid to start. I'm on various supplements which do seem to help with the symptoms. I've been taking iron tablets and my last 2 periods have been considerably less heavy.

But yesterday, as I wandered around my local town, I felt bone-achingly lonely and could have wept. I cannot be faffed with socialising but also long for it. At times i feel so utterly worthless and at any one time am beating myself up mentally for being too fat, too poor, being too anxious to drive, having few friends, not being on top of the housework, being boring, being weird. I will ask myself, "what is the actual point of you?"

Oh and moments of murderous rage.

So, yeah, mentally things kind of suck.

@GCalltheway

You want to work 90 hours - you can do it, if it makes you feel good. If I want to work 19 or none I can. You don’t need to convince me it’s the making of you, your opinion is the only one that matters.

I don't work to feel good. I work because I have to work. I'm a lone parent and the sole breadwinner for my family and my child would live in poverty if I didn't so my opinion or yours on my work are an irrelevance, I have no choice in the matter. However, if I have to work I want to make damn sure my work is as remunerative, pleasant and interesting as it possibly can be, thanks very much.

So when people (who I assume don't have an entire family dependent on their wage) tip up here and say things like "living to work sounds like avoidance", and suggest women HRT to make their lives run as smoothly as possible are being "pumped full of hormones" I will call it out as the nonsense I think it is.

i am still pissed off women are expected to take contraceptives for decades - what responsibility have men taken for their 50% contribution to pregnancy? And call me menopausal but why should I take more drugs to deliver more sex that my body tells me I no longer need? For the benefit of men? And to work every bloody hour? Again to serve what purpose?

I am fucking sick and tired of putting my needs and my body at the back of the queue to make things easier for everyone else!!!!

No. I will not. I will do now what I god damn please, and to hell with it, my duty is absolutely done.

I don’t take HRT to have sex or be ‘sexy’ for the male gaze, I take HRT because oestrogen deficiency affects my health significantly and I’d rather feel well enough to do the exercise I need to go to keep my bones & joints healthy.

women should do whatever works best for them. Some women sail through menopause and need no help at all, some don’t. It’s not a value judgment.

I have never felt so much anger as I did with peri menopause, I wanted to kill everyone. It was such an overwhelming feeling and everyone drove me mad.

I also suddenly piled on weight for no reason and that was deeply upsetting. I started HRT and Testosterone and progesterone in March and I am slowly starting to get back to normality. It’s been a live saver as I was just an awful person to live with

@GCalltheway

And call me menopausal but why should I take more drugs to deliver more sex that my body tells me I no longer need? For the benefit of men? And to work every bloody hour? Again to serve what purpose?

But most women aren't taking HRT to "deliver more sex", they're taking it to ease physical and mental symptoms of the menopause, some fairly debilitating.

You absolutely don't have to take HRT if you don't want to but it's quite a big jump from this to insisting other women are only doing it to artificially prolong their sex and working lives.

I'm with you OP, my general feeling about everything is that I've lost any oomph for anything.

I'm 41 and cry at everything. Which is very unlike me. I hate it. But don't have any other symptoms. So not sure it's worth bothering the GP about.

Can relate to so much of what everyone is saying. Quite frankly, I would welcome some form of internment into an institution at this point. Perhaps family could visit on a Sunday afternoon for an hour or so? Hopefully a bossy matron type character will ensure they leave at the right time.

I'm on HRT and although it has helped with sleep and reduced the nightly panic attacks, it is no cure all. The massive MEH feeling pervades everything.

I'm also convinced there is a little shit who attaches a tube to me at night and is ever so slowly blowing my stomach and thighs up. The goal seems to be for me to look like a rectangle with no waist. I suspect this will be achieved within another year or so. At that point I will go to Evans for a new wardrobe.

I had no idea it would be this bad. I put on a good front and try to act like a normal human for the sake of all around me but it's a real struggle.

Big hugs to everyone suffering.

A poster on a similar thread a while ago said the menopause made her '5% Namaste and 95% Fuck Off' and I couldn't agree more.

I can relate to all these experiences on here. I am about to turn 49 and am peri. I feel I am on the verge of loosing my mind. This post might be a rambling one but this will be good for me to get it if my chest. Last week I had to attend 2 meetings at work. I sat on my bed before hand literally shaking and crying. Head in hands in total despair. I attended the meetings and made a complete idiot of myself. I stumbled my way through it it was bloody harrowing. I want to run away as far as I can. I actually fantasised the other day about visiting the monastery on Tenby island and staying until this shit is over. I am paranoid all the bloody time. I think that people hate me and think I'm crap at my job. I have lost all confidence in everything I do and can't make a decision to save my life. I nearly lost my shit food shopping today as dh called me asking me to buy fresh dill. I feel like every person or object in my life has a negative voice which is screaming at me 24/7 telling me I am the worst person in the world. I have started Hrt. I'm just over 1 week in. I am terrified that I will never be me again. I'm even getting scared to drive. This just is t me. I am so so sorry for anyone else goi g through the same.

Never have I wanted a slogan T so much.

Why are you anxious about it?

@Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 i have found your post reassuring. I could have written it myself.

I have never felt so anxious, tired and unmotivated.
My sleep is shocking and for the first time in my life I have developed psoriasis.

I cant take HRT and just feel so overwhelmed with work , the house, my 2 teenagers and my 2 parents who are in poor health.

for you.

@LyndaSnellsSniff you have described exactly how it feels to me. The wandering through town feeling lonely and pointless yet overwhelmed with everything at the same time is so relatable to me. It actually makes me feel better knowing others are feeling the same.

All of this, the testosterone was the mental game changer for me. I have my sharpness back.

If men went through this………

Another one here.... I relate so much to what people are saying in so many ways.

I'm tired... like many of you. Physically tired, mentally tired, tired of running a home, tired of cooking, tired of needing to clean and tidy, tired of worrying about my kids, tired of all the shit going on in the world, tired of work, tired of people being twats, tired of putting myself last.

And then I get the rage, because if men had to go through this, there'd be a 'cure'. Or we'd retire at 40 on full pension or something.

Anyway. I'm with you.

I’m crying just reading this and realising I’m not alone. I thought it was just me.

God yes, the anxiety and insomnia I experienced in peri was decimating. Before that struck I'd had a fulfilling job and bags of energy. Was looking after the girls on my own and whilst it wasn't easy, I look back on my capabilities and energy pre peri with awe... Then peri struck and first, the insomnia and anxiety, then the rage. Awful blinding red fury, and inbetween outbursts, a terrible overwhelming feelings of despair, a loss of confidence and sense of self.

HRT honestly saved my life.

💐and un- mumsnetty hugs to everyone on here who is feeling the same as I do. It’s so disorientating going through all of this.

This thread & the responses have made me realise that I need to change my working pattern - maybe go to 4 days!

Dropping a day helped my sleep. I also deliberately took a step back at work and now do my job only, I don’t push forward and do more.

@DustyLee123 that's exactly what i am going to do when i go back to work ( currently off sick ).

@WorkHardPlayHard1

Some of us can't take hormones and it can make us feel even more hopeless when we read the answer to it all is hormones ...

I was referring to posts further up the thread about libido. For some women HRT is a life saver but for others it certainly isn’t or they don’t want chemicals in their bodies.

My point is we shouldn’t be expected to ‘perform’ and at the top of our game at work doing very long hours, sexually, physically and have the same energy as a twenty year old. It’s just unrealistic. And way too much pressure.

Lifestyle changes do work, less pressure does work and reasonable adjustments really help during the menopause. Of course it’s a choice, some of us will carry on and some of us will refuse and choose a different life even if we have less money as a result.

Most of us if have elderly parents, teenage children and a life that is absolutely full on - wanting to pull back a little, take care of ourselves, pay attention to our needs and set boundaries and limits is no bad thing. I am very frank with those around me, I am not a spring chicken anymore and I intend to acknowledge that - not fight against it.