CF or me being tight?

[TheSnootiestFox]

Please can you help me decide? I've posted this on relationships but I'm putting it here for traffic! I've actually drafted the final WhatsApp saying how upset I was but given he's been a little star up until now I would welcome a few more opinions.......

I've been seeing someone for a few weeks. All has been great until Friday night when I felt properly sussed out financially. So for example, I was asked if a diamond ring I wear was real. Then, in the past when we've eaten out we've always bought drinks in rounds and taken turns on main courses of around 16 or 17 pounds. Last night I said it was my round, and suggested a different pub which was a bit more expensive just for a change but I was only expecting to have a main course (mine was £23, his £30.). He then proceeds to order 3 courses and extra drinks, the last of which he took 3 mouthfuls of the pint and said he didn't want it and didn't know why he'd ordered it so left it. Obviously I then picked up a bill of over £100 that I hadn't budgeted for. He knows its my son's birthday and my cars MOT and I'm paying for an overnight stay later in the month for us both, and although this is him coming along to help me with something I am funding the whole thing for both of us.

Am I just being tight here and if I invite him out I should be prepared for every eventuality 😆 or was that a bit cheeky?

@TheSnootiestFox

I wear my Nana’s diamond ring on my right hand.
It’s a larger stone in the middle with oval stones surrounding it.
When I was little it always fascinated me because it looked like an eye with eyelashes to me. I think about that every time I wear it.
It doesn’t look a thing like a wedding ring.
That wearing your wedding ring on your right hand thing is a holdover from the 60s.

I'd say you have another night out where you order three courses and a glass of wine for each course, and wave goodbye at the end. Yes, he is a CF. Just be one back.

I say, "It's going to be a Cap't Crunch month."
I don't even eat Cap't Crunch. Just means that it's going to be a month where we watch our wallets.

💯upvotes, if they allowed upvotes!
I think a few people need to get off their high horse before it bucks them off.

They must sit around thinking of things to be offended over. They're "scraping the bottom of the barrel" to come up with their outrage. 😉😎

No, not me. I've also never "milked a bull", "swung for fence", "made a mountain out of a molehile" or even "put all of my eggs in one basket".
However, I have, on occasion, "blew a gasket" and I am afraid I may have "lost my mind" and "climbed a wall" more than once.
Herefor the emoji allergic😴🤔🚩👮⛵🤓🎻♨😎😇
I didn't even know there was a place called Nutmums, but it sounds like some 'Huns' have spent too much time there!!!!!!!
xxXXxxXXxxXXxxXXxxXXxxXXxxXXxx

The problem for me if you have a revenge dinner is can you afford it?. CFs like this take advantage and you would have to go down to his level to get the revenge dinner. But us straight fair players would end up trotting up to the bar paying our share of rounds. If you aren't a CF you can't behave like one.
This would have given me the Ick and my skin would be crawling at the thought of him now.

Hi OP, I'm someone who likes to budget, and often used the phrase we'll be living on toast!
Next time a conversation comes up about going out I'd just say it will have to be cheap as I've blown my going out/ entertainment budget in that pub the other night. Makes it clear that you budget for different things and don't have endless money in a nice casual way.

@mainsfed This ☝

If you didn't say anything then how can you expect him to know, not everyone is a mind reader. Talk to him that's the only way you can resolve it.

And when the bill came I would have paid half and then handed him the receipt to pay his.

I agree entirely with @DuckbilledSplatterPuff I think those words are very wise.

I also caught a sense of you feeling like you have to justify your lifestyle/expenses. You haven't done anything wrong and he is a massive CF

By the time you pay for a nice hotel and meals for two all weekend- would paying for a professional moving company even cost that much more?

I'd hire someone and have arm's length dealings with them, rather than rely on a guy you are dating for a favour which you apparently already feel indebted towards him over.

Well, it was more an excuse to spend a night away together as we've got teenagers at home and neither of us are happy about having someone stay over that our children haven't met even in an empty house, tbh. I'm not sure where you're getting the indebted? I could probably manage it on my own with help at each end (thats how i got it over there) but if I'm asking someone to come away with me I don't then expect them to pay. Goes back to this not being a born CF as discussed upthread!

Maybe he’ll pay for a lovely dinner and drinks when you’re away then. That will be telling. That’s if you still want him to go with you

This would be a turn off for me. I get going 50/50 and sharing costs but this seems a little calculated in that he knew you had upcoming expenses and yet chose to order 3 courses without mentioning it and then left his pint. I’m trying not to sound like an arse or smug here but my DH has always just assumed
hes paying the bill and if I pay which is some of the time, I’ll just do it but it’s never been a turn taking thing. We have been together 20 years tho. Not trying to be judgemental here just sharing the way we do it.

Have you had another date op?

Well, thank you for asking actually, and I sent the text saying I thought he was cheeky and this maybe wasn't for me, immediately got a phone call back saying he never thought etc etc.

Agreed to meet up as usual on Thursday but in our usual cheaper pub. Had Dinner, he paid and for all drinks, declined a pudding because I just don't eat them usually. Broached the subject, he said 'well we just won't talk about it', I said that actually no we would, and said that I only really lost my sense of humour over the drink, as that just proved he was just being cheeky. He just looked away. I then said I'd lost thousands over the years in crap relationships with cheeky fuckers, and that I was really attuned to it. Then I changed the subject as I'd made my point. Seeing him again on Thursday, part of me thinks a bit of the magic has gone, the rest thinks it may be worth saving.

And to all the pearl clutchers, nobody has starved this week and first born has presents either ordered or waiting to be picked up. Even managed a new pair of posh trainers for him for school as his are knackered. Possibly focus on the actual AIBU question next time rather than immediately going for a poster clearly using figures of speech 😂

Do you do nuance at all? Understand or even have a passing acquaintance with it?

£50 can - for exactly the same person - be not much, or a huge amount. It depends what it was for, under what circumstances and all the little things that happened in between.

Good for you, TheSnootiestFox, you took that head on even though it was an awkward conversation and you said your piece. You won't be taken advantage of and that's huge.

Good work @TheSnootiestFox

Nice update OP. "We just won't talk about it" my arse!

Who does he imagine he is with that response?🤨🙄

Suit yourself OP, but he has shown you who he is, so I would be very wary.

Tried. Can't.
Not enough space.
😉

Well done, OP. He will have been absolutely flummoxed that you brought it up, he was relying on your not talking about it.

Keep your guard up this one. Don’t be lulled into a false sense of security.

Fair play. If it’s real the magic will come back. Either way he knows your boundaries now. Hopefully it’s onwards and upwards