CF or me being tight?

[TheSnootiestFox]

Please can you help me decide? I've posted this on relationships but I'm putting it here for traffic! I've actually drafted the final WhatsApp saying how upset I was but given he's been a little star up until now I would welcome a few more opinions.......

I've been seeing someone for a few weeks. All has been great until Friday night when I felt properly sussed out financially. So for example, I was asked if a diamond ring I wear was real. Then, in the past when we've eaten out we've always bought drinks in rounds and taken turns on main courses of around 16 or 17 pounds. Last night I said it was my round, and suggested a different pub which was a bit more expensive just for a change but I was only expecting to have a main course (mine was £23, his £30.). He then proceeds to order 3 courses and extra drinks, the last of which he took 3 mouthfuls of the pint and said he didn't want it and didn't know why he'd ordered it so left it. Obviously I then picked up a bill of over £100 that I hadn't budgeted for. He knows its my son's birthday and my cars MOT and I'm paying for an overnight stay later in the month for us both, and although this is him coming along to help me with something I am funding the whole thing for both of us.

Am I just being tight here and if I invite him out I should be prepared for every eventuality 😆 or was that a bit cheeky?

Exactly re ; the furniture! Maybe it is regional, we do say living on beans on toast too, which gets shortened to toast, which of course is even cheaper!!!!

I think the saying is very much regional (both the ‘living on toast’ and ‘living on beans and toast’). I’ve never heard either and I took your posts to mean you literally wouldn’t be able to buy food for the rest of the month and you didn’t have any in the house.

I was about to post to suggest trying for a one-off food bank referral but I did ‘read all’ of your posts first. Until you clarified, it never occurred to me that you didn’t mean exactly what you said - that you wouldn’t have enough to eat this month. I think a lot of other people thought the same.

Yes sane here about actually existing on tins from cupboard.

As that is the reality for lots of people right now unfortunately.

@Ohfgsjon it is a saying , it's just one you haven't heard.

OP, if you’re so convicted that he’s a CF, rude, taking the piss etc, why don’t you cancel the hotel and use the money to pay for professional movers to lug your furniture across the country instead?

Most people I know order at least two courses (starter and main or main and dessert), so you should budget for a minimum of two courses each going forward.

Even though I think this man is a bit dubious, he can’t read your mind. You need to tell him what you’re thinking.

Reading your updates, I think you’ve told him a bit too much too soon re. your lifestyle and recent expenses. Plus, you chose the pub which was more expensive compared to your previous dates, and you did tell him it was your treat beforehand. He still went too far by ordering more courses and drinks, but then you also matched him by also ordering more.

Maybe give him one more chance to redeem himself where he treats you and if that goes well, stick to 50/50 going forward until your relationship moves onto the next level.

Maybe he was enquiring about your ring as he thought it odd that you would be wearing an engagement ring from an ex whilst on a date.

Noted, thank you! And it's a Tiffany cut diamond solitaire on a gold band. Could have come from anywhere and worn on my right hand. It's just a tad under 3ct and I think that's what caught his eye!

Regardless of what went on in the last meal, sounds like to me you've got the ick otherwise you wouldn't be questioning it. Have a meal on him and let him go 😅

Most people I know order at least two courses (starter and main or main and dessert), so you should budget for a minimum of two courses each going forward.

@BelieveThemtheFirstTime No. She can budget for whatever her budget is or she wants it to be for that particular thing.

As people have said, she just needs to be clear about what she wants to do/pay for with this bloke going forward, if she carries on seeing him after this CF episode.

I used to get more courses but I often only get one now as eating out feels a lot more expensive than it used to be.

Or maybe he was trying to work out how much he would need to fork out on a ring, if your relationship was to get to the engagement stage one day. Lots of ifs. Just observe and always go with your gut feelings.

He took advantage and you let him.

"But that doesn't alter the fact I now need to not eat anything else this month or my firstborn won't have birthday presents 🤣 any other months he'd have probably got away with an eye roll to be fair, but it's tight this month and he knows it!"

I cannot believe you let him do this, it's your fault for not stopping him. You don't have enough money now for food and your baby's birthday. I would have said, sorry I'm only paying for a round and a main meal. Not stared at him, while he ordered what ever he fancied on my tab! Text him and ask for half of last night's meal. Tell him it was too expensive.

It's his turn to pay next so I'd do the same back and see how he reacts. It should confirm what you need to know.

Good luck with your fresh start 😊

Baby? He's 15. You've not read the full thread then? The fridge is nice and full as is the treat basket and I'll manage the birthday requests when they come in.

😁 thank you xx

Or the other person can pay the extra cost if they want additional courses and drinks. I order what I want and pay for what I consume (non-dates though).

I wouldn’t expect anybody else to sub me if I was extra hungry, bar a long-time partner that I already share finances with.

If I was going 50/50 on a date, I would not be telling my date that they could only order one course and a drink. If so could not afford it, I either would not be going on the date or I would chose a cheaper establishment to suit my budget.

If I was going 50/50 on a date, I would not be telling my date that they could only order one course and a drink

Yes but they weren't going 50/50, that's the whole point. OP was paying for that particular meal, as they alternate, as many couples do.

Obviously if he did want extra courses he could've paid for it himself and that'dve been fine.

My paragraph re. going 50/50 was a general comment, and not just in relation to the OP’s situation.

@BelieveThemtheFirstTime Then is it somehow relevant?

Unless you mean 'if I was going 50/50 with a person I would do X, but as they weren't going 50/50, then that's not OK.'

Seems to me you must've misunderstood the situation.

I dunno. 20 years ago my new boyfriend suggested I bring him on holidays cos he was broke and I had come into money. I was furious with this suggestion. But I played it cool and said no. Now we're married 15 years and I know he's very generous and would have easily brought me on holidays. We just have very different attitudes to money.

Yes, it is relevant to this post. Numerous pp’s have referenced the OP going 50/50 throughout this thread, including the OP at 13:47:

Well yes. This was my take and even when the bill came I was hoping he'd say 'shall we go 50/50?' but no such luck. It would never enter my head and if I wanted more than the 'norm' I'd say 'wow I really fancy a starter and maybe a pud so shall we go halves?' But some of the replies here have made me feel like a tightwad so I still don't know what to think!

I think you must have misunderstood the situation. Have you RTFT or at least all of OP’s posts?

This right here, @TheSnootiestFox.

I’ll never understand why this wasn’t the end of it. This was sooo insulting & creepy.

I would’ve excused myself and left, never to return.

What was he gonna do - steal it and pawn it? Was he trying to gage your monetary worth?
Ick.

I think I might ask subtly if a man was wearing what is clearly a wedding ring on another hand.

Just to suss the back story of why still wearing it and weather hung up on his ex.

RED FLAG.
Be warned!

Some shitty men can be really fucking lovely for just about long enough to get under your skin.

if you felt like you were being cased, you were being cased.

Erm, being blunt because it several thousand pounds worth of ring and I like it. Loads of women wear diamond rings on their right hands....