Pools and neighbourhood kids

[Imdonewithsergio]

do your neighbours automatically assume their children can use your kids paddling pool? We have one neighbour who will literally send her child out with her swimming costume on if our pool is out. Child is 4. We have a large family (5 kids under 8). So I don’t feel comfortable having another little boy to add to the mix. I’ve tried speaking to them but I’m made out to be a selfish killjoy. The child in question is absolutely wild and my own kids give up and end up out the pool. She also sends her child into other neighbours gardens to use their pool/slide/water table/trampoline etc. it’s getting to the point I dread sunny days as this child just assumes they can come in here and use everything (the pool in particular bothers me as it’s the safety aspect. My youngest is 3 months old so I’m fairly busy as it is, trying to deal with a baby and watch my own young kids in water. Even with DH here it we are keeping a constant eye on them).

Am I just being miserable though?

Tough shit if she feels it’s unfair … the neighbours obviously don’t care about OP. The world is full of selfish inconsiderate people like them.
I wouldn’t dream of sending my kids next door uninvited and think it’s normal to do it.
They are anti social. They are not nice people.

Id definitely get a new 6feet fence installed at my cost and perhaps buy the big his own paddling pool.

Like I said , maybe go to Argos and buy a cheap paddling pool. Knock on their door and hand them it saying here you go, this is for your son.
Then tell them you’re buying a new fence and don’t worry about them contributing, you’ll foot the bill.
Hopefully that’s solves it.

They get a nice new fence and a paddling pool courtesy of the OP. Job done.

I’m being a bit selfish as he can see our kids playing and feels left out. Or that it’s essentially tantamount to bullying for him to be excluded

Nonsense. It is about give and take. They take, take, take. They have an infernal nerve to expect you to care for their DC all the time and not take yours once. Sending a DC of that age around without asking first is not normal at all, it is an imposition and rude. When my DC were that age they didn't go around to people's houses, all the young children on the close went out, with at least one parent supervising, and they played together and the parents chatted. We certainly didn't send the children out and then scuttle off inside leaving one poor soul to watch out for all of them.

In my earlier post, when I typed that at least one parent was supervising, I meant one parent per family. Sometimes two parents came out. Sometimes beer and wine came out too.

Could you just lift him back over it?

You've tried talking to them and it didn't work...

Never had that happen. Just don't answer the door.

I've had two thought.
Firstly you could charge them an hourly rate for looking after their son and send her a bill for that.
The other thought is to watch from an upstairs window with a decent water pistol and providing your aim is good, squirt whichever parent lifts their child over into your garden.

Have you read that the neighbour/kid isn't knocking but being lifted over a fence?

This.

What if he were to drown?!

No way would I accept that responsibility. Ever. Not once.

Good luck! I can't stand this type of behaviour fromCFs ... luckily I only have the odd person who has CF moments occasionally

I don't have children but if she was doing that to me id be lifting him straight back over the fence and adding a padlock to the gate he opens

It feels like she's seeing you as free childcare and is taking the p big time

I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable supervising someone else's child around water, it's too easy for accidents to happen so I know you'll be supervising your own, but it probably makes you even more unable to relax as it's someone else's child. She cba to supervise him in his own pool so is using you to do it

Plus your children don't enjoy him being there and can't enjoy THEIR pool.

I'd also be adding some rigging to the fence so there can be no lifting, and for added privacy

Can’t you just tell the child: sorry, we are having family time today.

Just say, should anything happen to your child in the water I would never forgive myself, perhaps you could get your own pool. They’re so cheap these days.
End of conversation.

Lift him back over.
Tell him he can't come over

Dont say "sorry you can't come over"
Just state it as a no negotiable "you aren't coming over"

Get a new fence asap
Or get some barbed wire in the meanwhile
And If questioned about it just state it is for foxes that keep coming into your yard or something

I would actually ring social services/police over it.
This woman is neglectful to her own child and literally dumps her kid in someone's back yard!!!

LOL. We had a secluded back garden. Neighbour can't see in.

Neighbour can hear my gang of sons invisibly splashing around in their paddling pool (high fence). The kids all know each other from nursery. N knocks on the door and wonders if her only little princess can come to play while she goes to the smkt? Princess is all ready; in her swimming cossie.

The smkt is 5 mins walk away (and N has a car) but she doesn't return for three hours. She says, she could hear the children still playing so decided to put her feet up in her own garden, tinkly laugh. I say the kids are all still in the garden, come on through.

N very nearly bursts a blood vessel when she sees all the children are stark naked. Including princess. She is unbelievably horrified because Princess had certainly NOT seen a naked male before and if she had had ANY IDEA my sons were UNDRESSED she would never have been allowed to play.

It got worse. That evening N phones in a fury. At bathtime Princess told Mummy all about the penis, vagina and testicles. The boys next door told her. She hasn't got a penis because she's a girl and has a vagina. A vagina is where the seed goes in to grow babies and the baby gets out. Boys pee with a penis , she has seen them.

Princess's innocence has been lost forever. N cannot believe my sons know such things, let alone talk about it.

She didn't send Princess to play again.

we live in a village where indeed kids are always in and out of each other's gardens. But it's not one-sided, and it's also totally expected that if it doesn't suit us, we send the kids back home, no problem. However, this certainly wouldn't apply to 4yo near pools!

If my NDN had the audacity to call me selfish I'd be saying "Do you not think I've enough on my plate supervising 5 kids including a baby?? I don't have the capacity, or the patience to look after your child too, so please don't ask again!"

Yep - literally lift him back.

As you so rightly say, that is a lot of children to look after. Even if this was the best behaved child in the world, it would be very easy for an accident to occur - and where there is water, there is a risk.

I think this is one of the cheekiest things I have ever heard. Basically using you as free childcare for a wild child. Absolutely crazy. Your definitely not being unreasonable. We are very close friends with our neighbors. We have a 3 year old and they have a 2 year old and we would never go over without an invite x

You can also start demanding reciprocal childcare. That should nip it in the bud. Send your herd over to their place for a few hours every day.

PMSL

.

Bliddy hell!

That's even worse - He could slip and fall into the water and there isn't an adult, or even another child, to help him. A child can drown in only a couple of inches of water.

So it's bullying to leave the child out, Agree with them and say you will drop your lot round at 7am each morning 😉 school holidays covered for Childcare 🤣