Pools and neighbourhood kids

[Imdonewithsergio]

do your neighbours automatically assume their children can use your kids paddling pool? We have one neighbour who will literally send her child out with her swimming costume on if our pool is out. Child is 4. We have a large family (5 kids under 8). So I don’t feel comfortable having another little boy to add to the mix. I’ve tried speaking to them but I’m made out to be a selfish killjoy. The child in question is absolutely wild and my own kids give up and end up out the pool. She also sends her child into other neighbours gardens to use their pool/slide/water table/trampoline etc. it’s getting to the point I dread sunny days as this child just assumes they can come in here and use everything (the pool in particular bothers me as it’s the safety aspect. My youngest is 3 months old so I’m fairly busy as it is, trying to deal with a baby and watch my own young kids in water. Even with DH here it we are keeping a constant eye on them).

Am I just being miserable though?

Lift him back every time. This is outrageous. And get six foot fences installed. Fine if he’s invited. That mum is a proper CC.

I think people do automatically assume you are fine taking on more kids rather than appreciating you are busy enough with your own.

No, I’m in my mid 30’s. I think what’s worse is that I’m in a fairly managerial post in work and I can be assertive normally but I think I’ve allowed this to become an issue because I wanted a good relationship with neighbours since we will likely live here for a long long time. But I’m also realising I’m creating a rod for my own back.

Thanks everyone. Today has been a better morning as the kids have managed some time outside without interruption. DH is off today and we have agreed to make sure we intercept them if they try to lift him over and will try to put some boundaries in place.

If your neighbour feels it is unfair that her child is on their own and can hear others playing, just tell her the child can come in providing she comes too to look after him.
I feel she is very irresponsible just sending him over. It is a serious job looking after children.

I’d be inclined to tell her that her child’s can come - as long as she also comes to supervise him, since you can’t be responsible for someone else’s child around water. I’d bet £100 she’ll decline your kind offer!

Definitely do something before the school holidays begin.

make sure we intercept them if they try to lift him over

@Imdonewithsergio You need a taller fence - maybe some trellis

If they lift him over, just lift him back.

i think the main concern is that you could be held responsible if he hurts himself, so you need to put your foot down

If anyone had called me selfish, I'm damned sure I wouldn't be showing them any consideration in future. Really not your problem if their DC is lonely - so don't accept it.

@Imdonewithsergio If I were you I wouldn't lift her kid back over the fence, ever. If she does try to lift him over the fence and you see it shout "NO! We're not looking after your child for you!" If she does it when you're not around, take the kid back to his front door and ring the bell. Don't try to lift him at all, he may wriggle (or scuff himself on the fence) and if he gets dropped, you will be liable for any injuries he sustains. Don't put your hands on another person's child.

I'm genuinely astonished at the level of brass neck some people have. My child is an only and I've had to spend hours playing games with him whilst wishing I could do something else. But my child, my responsibility. Not my neighbours', no matter how many children they have!

Do put something up, even temporary stuff like the screening suggested. It'll send a strong message as well as make it harder for them to fob their kid off.

Let us know how you get on! We are here to back you all the way.

Do you have gates, padlock them so they cannot get in

Not a chance I would stand for that. Lift the kid back over and if the parents object it’s your house and garden. Zero tolerance to that sort of nonsense.

The first time this happened, I would have called them back to take him home-I can’t believe this keeps happening! Get a taller fence and tell them you don’t want to be responsible for their child near the water!

Bloody cheeky and neglectful at his age. If something happens to him you would feel terrible. Does she even put suncream on him?

I think these responses from your neighbors make it more important that you stop having this child over. These are people who are expert at twisting the facts to their advantage and they actually do not care if they are correct or if they hurt you. They are calling you a bully when they are the ones bullying you. That takes a brass neck. If something happens to him in your pool, even if they sent him out there when you weren't in your garden, they will blame you. A pleasant and neighborly relationship is probably not going to be a possibility with them. You have to protect yourself.

If not having him round is excluding/bullying (which obviously does not apply outside of your own family team), then get yourselves round every time they dish up dinner or light the barbie - same rule applies, surely?

Your neighbour is absolutely outrageous. There’s no way I would have another child coming into my paddling pool uninvited and then - to make matters worse - playing too roughly for my children. You’ve got to be really firm.

Agree with PP. You're probably not going to achieve a normal relationship with these people.

They will continue to use and manipulate you until you stand up for yourselves.

Then (hopefully) they'll ignore you.

I’m being a bit selfish as he can see our kids playing and feels left out. Or that it’s essentially tantamount to bullying for him to be excluded

And you weakly allow this? Please tell me this whole thread is a joke.

Can't believe people like you really exist! What on earth are you teaching your kids!

Your’e being selfish OP ! I mean fancy not letting the neighbours next door thrust their child on you for free child care !
You should give him lunch everyday too, and spoil him with snacks and drinks..
Maybe let the parents come over for dinner everyday too…

Seriously, get a 6ft it fence put up and stop this behaviour immediately.
I’m amazed you’ve put up with this so far …

I can't believe their cheek!

Next time lift him straight back over again and say, "Not today, we're busy." And repeat as necessary.

What you have to bear in mind about people like this, is that they do not care a bit about whether they upset you or not. So you need to put your 'normal' niceness to one side and develop a thicker skin.

They don't give a shit about hoofing their child over the fence without asking, and leaving you to it - so you need to stop worrying about upsetting them and be very blunt.

Excuse me X, please don't lift Tristan over the fence into our garden without asking first.

I'm sure he does want to play, but you need to ask first as it's not always convenient for us.

If you spot him in the garden because they've lifted him over when your back is turned, then you whip out of the pool, round to their front door and hand him straight back. X we have just noticed Tristan was in the garden. I'm bringing him back as we cannot look after him.

And on the days where you are OK with him being there, if he starts playing rough then you remove him and return him to his parents, and explain that he's been playing up and unfortunately your children are upset and you therefore need to bring the playdate to an end.

Stop making life easy for them - they don't care about the impact to you, so you need to stop worrying about their feelings.