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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pools and neighbourhood kids

351 replies

Imdonewithsergio · 04/06/2023 08:48

do your neighbours automatically assume their children can use your kids paddling pool? We have one neighbour who will literally send her child out with her swimming costume on if our pool is out. Child is 4. We have a large family (5 kids under 8). So I don’t feel comfortable having another little boy to add to the mix. I’ve tried speaking to them but I’m made out to be a selfish killjoy. The child in question is absolutely wild and my own kids give up and end up out the pool. She also sends her child into other neighbours gardens to use their pool/slide/water table/trampoline etc. it’s getting to the point I dread sunny days as this child just assumes they can come in here and use everything (the pool in particular bothers me as it’s the safety aspect. My youngest is 3 months old so I’m fairly busy as it is, trying to deal with a baby and watch my own young kids in water. Even with DH here it we are keeping a constant eye on them).

Am I just being miserable though?

OP posts:
Lockheart · 04/06/2023 08:51

Just don't let them in the garden! "We can't look after your child today" and don't open the gate / door.

Babsexxx · 04/06/2023 08:52

No tell her to stop being a fucking cheap skate and go up home bargains buy a 15 quid pool and hire a lifeguard for her dc absolute flipping cheek!

Its childcare expectations too especially given his age I’d be raging!

Soubriquet · 04/06/2023 08:53

No! I have never had anyone assume their kids can use my paddling pool and my dc are friends with next doors dc.

whumpthereitis · 04/06/2023 08:53

Stop being a people pleaser and letting it happen? Say no, mean and enforce it. Let her get mad and call you selfish, who cares?

TheSandgroper · 04/06/2023 08:53

I think you may have to use a sledgehammer to crack the walnut here. No way would I entertain that. Definitely an occasion to take no shit.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 04/06/2023 08:55

No never had that. Just say no, not today. Send them home.

runninglady55 · 04/06/2023 08:56

You need to return said child immediately with a blunt point: "we have enough to supervise around water and they don't play well together. I am not up for having your child around now "

And repeat every single time. Don't let them in for a hr and return. Immediately.

You've never set the boundary with either the child or parents. Time to tell the parents straight.

It sounds like crap for your DC.if you're feeling bad about doing this, just remember this is about your DC being able to enjoy their own pool... Others dcs aren't your responsibility. The parents have exploited your discomfort at pointing that out and it's your family sucking it up. Ridiculous

DrMarciaFieldstone · 04/06/2023 08:57

No, CFery.

‘Oh we can’t have anyone in today, bye!’ And shut the door

morbidd · 04/06/2023 08:59

So they essentially ruin it for your own kids? Why are you letting this happen? Put your foot down and say no.

SoVerySophie · 04/06/2023 09:00

Wow! That's another level of CF!

runninglady55 · 04/06/2023 09:01

How do they literally get in? Foot at door, lock gate etc?

If you can stop them at first it makes it easier

Katypp · 04/06/2023 09:01

ohh we had one like this when mine were small. our next-door neighbour was excessively house and garden proud and used to send the little girl (she was about six) around every time she wanted to play anything remotely messy such as bubbles, glitter, slime etc as she always wanted to 'show' my two her stuff 🙄. We also had the turning up in a,swimsuit and towel thing too, and on one memorable day the parents actually went out without telling us! Of course, mine were never invited to her house.
To add insult to injury, the CF NDN used to pass a picnic through the fence for her daughter only and often used to call her over (to the fence) and give her an ice lolly without giving my two anything.

Original poster
Imdonewithsergio · 04/06/2023 09:01

Thank you all. It was the same last year when I was pregnant and miserable with the heat so I didn’t know if I was just being a hormonal arse then. But it’s really bothering me again now. We bought a new pool yesterday for the kids and they were hardly in it as this little boy appeared and was just too rough for them. I didn’t know if I was just being a bit selfish as they genuinely do not seem to see the issue at all but our last house didn’t have kids on either side so we have ever encountered this before.

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 04/06/2023 09:01

How does someone send their child into another's locked garden?

Surely you just don't let them in?

YANBU though

ZekeZeke · 04/06/2023 09:02

Is the pool in your front garden? Or back garden?
If its the back garden just don't answer the door.
If its the front then you need to use your words we are not having anyone in today. Or move the pool to the back garden for peace.

doitwithlove · 04/06/2023 09:03

Put something up against the garden gate or don't open the door when they ring the bell or knock.?

When the mother of said child asks why she has been excluded tell her we are having a family day

Mamette · 04/06/2023 09:04

tried speaking to them but I’m made out to be a selfish killjoy.

Ok so you said something and they had the brass neck to refute it. You have to stand up for yourself- wtf does it matter what this person thinks of you? And by the way they don’t think you’re a selfish killjoy, they think you’re a soft touch who doesn’t want to be seen as a selfish killjoy.

”No- absolutely not, I am very busy with my own children and that goes for every day. I got my pool in Tescos I’m sure they still have them. Bye”.

SophieJo · 04/06/2023 09:05

I’m just wondering how he gets into your garden where the pool is. Do you let him?

whumpthereitis · 04/06/2023 09:05

Imdonewithsergio · 04/06/2023 09:01

Thank you all. It was the same last year when I was pregnant and miserable with the heat so I didn’t know if I was just being a hormonal arse then. But it’s really bothering me again now. We bought a new pool yesterday for the kids and they were hardly in it as this little boy appeared and was just too rough for them. I didn’t know if I was just being a bit selfish as they genuinely do not seem to see the issue at all but our last house didn’t have kids on either side so we have ever encountered this before.

Don’t be afraid of being seen as ‘selfish’, as if avoiding this is worth having the piss taken out of you and allowing your own kids to be disadvantaged. As if the repeated taking advantage of you isn’t selfish on her part.

Who cares if she’s mad and calls you names, really? You can’t please everyone, especially when they have outrageous expectations, and nor do you want or need to.

Original poster
Imdonewithsergio · 04/06/2023 09:06

itsgettingweird · 04/06/2023 09:01

How does someone send their child into another's locked garden?

Surely you just don't let them in?

YANBU though

It’s a smallish (3ft) fence between our gardens and they literally lift him over. We are looking at getting bigger fences this summer.

OP posts:
snackqueen12 · 04/06/2023 09:06

You need to just say no. You are not responsible for anyone elses child and you have enough to deal with. Stay strong, you are definately not being miserable.

RandomMess · 04/06/2023 09:07

Really tell him off and lift him back over the fence.

runninglady55 · 04/06/2023 09:09

Say no and lift him back

Run over and say that's not on if you see it

Immediately

whirlyswirly · 04/06/2023 09:09

God no. They are making you responsible for their child in a situation which could be potentially dangerous.

Original poster
Imdonewithsergio · 04/06/2023 09:09

SophieJo · 04/06/2023 09:05

I’m just wondering how he gets into your garden where the pool is. Do you let him?

No, they lift him over the fence. When my back garden gate is open he just wanders in. So we learned to keep that closed. There’s a shared area behind the garden which isn’t accessible to the public, it’s got things like a basketball net, football goals etc and all the children on the street use this to cycle, play on scooters etc. so when gate was unlocked for older two kids to go and play, her son would walk in my house and things like that. So we learned to make sure it’s always locked unless we need it open.

OP posts: