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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pools and neighbourhood kids

351 replies

Imdonewithsergio · 04/06/2023 08:48

do your neighbours automatically assume their children can use your kids paddling pool? We have one neighbour who will literally send her child out with her swimming costume on if our pool is out. Child is 4. We have a large family (5 kids under 8). So I don’t feel comfortable having another little boy to add to the mix. I’ve tried speaking to them but I’m made out to be a selfish killjoy. The child in question is absolutely wild and my own kids give up and end up out the pool. She also sends her child into other neighbours gardens to use their pool/slide/water table/trampoline etc. it’s getting to the point I dread sunny days as this child just assumes they can come in here and use everything (the pool in particular bothers me as it’s the safety aspect. My youngest is 3 months old so I’m fairly busy as it is, trying to deal with a baby and watch my own young kids in water. Even with DH here it we are keeping a constant eye on them).

Am I just being miserable though?

OP posts:
MinnieGirl · 04/06/2023 09:56

I’m afraid it’s time to be blunt…
As soon as you see him appear at the fence …No he can’t come over, please don’t lift him over or I will have to lift him straight back. I’ve got 5 kids of my own, including a 3 month old baby. Why would you even think I would want your kid too? Now please stop doing this, it’s really very cheeky of you.

Wellnowlookhere · 04/06/2023 09:58

Something that hasn’t been mentioned here is the example this sets your kids. I’ve spent years being that person who didn’t have the backbone to be seen as anything other than ‘nice’ and ‘accommodating’. Then it dawned on me that my children watch this behaviour and learn the same. Well, fuck that. If there was one thing that gave me the courage to stop being a doormat it was that.
Your children will see and remember your behaviour here and learn from it. Pick the kid straight back up when he’s lifted over, look the mother in the eye and tell her firmly, calmly and unequivocally that this behaviour ends, today. He is her child, her responsibility and not yours. Then completely disengage and walk away, don’t get into any type of slanging match. You will be modelling a good example for your own kids by doing so.
And then complete it by buying a bloody great fence and letting your kids know that you are doing this to protect yours (and their) right to privacy.
I reckon you’ll feel better about doing it if you view the potential confrontation that way 🙂

viques · 04/06/2023 09:59

And be prepared for him

a) leaning over the fence saying “can I come and play” on repeat

b)throwing random stuff over to get your attention. Do not throw them back. Move everyone out of range in case he starts chucking hard things. Make a heap of them and leave them on their front doorstep later.

TrashyPanda · 04/06/2023 10:00

Lift him back over and say “you need to stay in your own garden”

nothing else.

short and sweet.

generations of kids were told by neighbours to “go away and play at your own door” and we all survived.

BrutusMcDogface · 04/06/2023 10:00

Imdonewithsergio · 04/06/2023 09:06

It’s a smallish (3ft) fence between our gardens and they literally lift him over. We are looking at getting bigger fences this summer.

Show quote history

Omg. This is probably the cheekiest fucker I’ve read about on here. Wow.

marapournumber4 · 04/06/2023 10:02

I thought you meant real pools and thought the neighbour was mad! Even so I never let my 4yo go anywhere without me . Neighbour is bonkers. Close the door and lock the gate.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 04/06/2023 10:02

Lift him back and tell the mother that it isn't safe for you to supervise that many children around water given the youngest is a baby.

I am so curious to know what would happen if you lifted your four eldest children over the fence into her garden when she is hanging out the washing or similar and left for a few hours. I know you wouldn't do that but it would so serve her right.

marapournumber4 · 04/06/2023 10:03

Oh dear. Cross post. Run out and buy some lattice and attach it to your fence. How rude!

DemonicCaveMaggot · 04/06/2023 10:03

marapournumber4 The neighbour is lifting the child over the three foot fence so the OP can lock the gate or door as much as she wants it won't help unfortunately.

justprance · 04/06/2023 10:03

DemonicCaveMaggot · 04/06/2023 10:02

Lift him back and tell the mother that it isn't safe for you to supervise that many children around water given the youngest is a baby.

I am so curious to know what would happen if you lifted your four eldest children over the fence into her garden when she is hanging out the washing or similar and left for a few hours. I know you wouldn't do that but it would so serve her right.

This!
I also have a large family and sometimes it feels as if people think 'one more won't hurt', or we won't notice.

We do!

CF's. I'd be having words.

Campervangirl · 04/06/2023 10:04

RedTedBoom · 04/06/2023 09:26

You could try this but B&M also had fence panels on offer

Yeah the bamboo screening is a great temporary measure and as it's lightweight you don't need big fence posts, just screw it to what's already there.
They're usually 6' by 6'.
Lidl has some green ones £24 buy one get one half price.
Definitely stick to your guns today, if they lift him over, lift him straight back "sorry, were having family time today"
Send DH out for some screening and some screws

WickedSerious · 04/06/2023 10:04

It would be a loud 'oh dear,how did you get in'? and straight back over the fence from me.

rainbowstardrops · 04/06/2023 10:08

Lazy CFers!!!! You need something attached to your fence until you can sort a new higher one and a lock on your gate! I'd be out getting some trellis or whatever TODAY!!!

SparkyBlue · 04/06/2023 10:10

We had something similar to this and yes once I put my food down they got a bit snotty with me but I don't give a shit. It's not like they can say we were totally out of line stopping their DD hanging over the fence and wanting to constantly climb in and commenting on our food everytime we sat down to eat outside . They would be relaxing over at the opposite side of their garden happily clinking wine glasses while their DD was driving my DC nuts. She would walk straight into the house and several times we had to shoo her out of the office where DH was working and on calls.

Panjandrum123 · 04/06/2023 10:11

marapournumber4 · 04/06/2023 10:02

I thought you meant real pools and thought the neighbour was mad! Even so I never let my 4yo go anywhere without me . Neighbour is bonkers. Close the door and lock the gate.

@marapournumber4 A person can drown in a puddle in the wrong conditions, so while it may not be a “real” pool, if the neighbour’s child is there, it’s an added responsibility and OP would be held accountable if something happened.

SparklyShark · 04/06/2023 10:11

Krawnprackers · 04/06/2023 09:25

Put all your kids over the fence next time they have the hot tub on 🤣

This!

IglesiasPiggl · 04/06/2023 10:12

In this instance the only solution is to get a higher fence. His parents clearly don't think it's their job to entertain him and that's unlikely to change.

Fraaahnces · 04/06/2023 10:14

Surely if anything happened to this kid you’d be legally liable? I’d have very strong words to the parents about how you absolutely do not want responsibility for their child in your pool.

Bringonthechange · 04/06/2023 10:16

Lift him back or take him home immediately every time. They’ll soon get the message.

kitsuneghost · 04/06/2023 10:18

Fraaahnces · 04/06/2023 10:14

Surely if anything happened to this kid you’d be legally liable? I’d have very strong words to the parents about how you absolutely do not want responsibility for their child in your pool.

Surely not. She has not agreed to look after him. HD is essentially trespassing.

Todayissunny · 04/06/2023 10:20

Absolutely not ok. Its dangerous and too much responsibility with so many young kids. Small kids can drown silently and quickly if they slip over in a paddling pool. Tell the mother that you cant watch him safely and can't take responsibility for him if something happens to him.

billybear · 04/06/2023 10:20

cheap bit of trellise spelt it wrong next to fence to makje it higher,cheeky mare

Todayissunny · 04/06/2023 10:20

Put it in writing to her.

icelollycraving · 04/06/2023 10:22

This potentially could be so dangerous. Kids can drown in shallow water. I’d panic a bit about having a kid lifted over to use my pool if I wasn’t watching. I have an only child, you arrange play dates if they are lonely, you don’t just drop them over the bloody fence.
Get the screening/ fence sorted asap and make sure the gate is locked. It’s an accident waiting to happen.

airforsharon · 04/06/2023 10:23

ZekeZeke · 04/06/2023 09:27

Just keep lifting him back over with two words not today .
And repeat.

I'd say "not ever" tbh. If you make excuses such as 'family day' they'll just send him round tomorrow.

I'd be furious about this because of the safety aspect, along with the fact he's spoiling things for your DC. But you have enough to be keeping an eye on, and if he has an accident you'll be the one in the soup. Don't let them make you responsible for him any more.