Pools and neighbourhood kids

[Imdonewithsergio]

do your neighbours automatically assume their children can use your kids paddling pool? We have one neighbour who will literally send her child out with her swimming costume on if our pool is out. Child is 4. We have a large family (5 kids under 8). So I don’t feel comfortable having another little boy to add to the mix. I’ve tried speaking to them but I’m made out to be a selfish killjoy. The child in question is absolutely wild and my own kids give up and end up out the pool. She also sends her child into other neighbours gardens to use their pool/slide/water table/trampoline etc. it’s getting to the point I dread sunny days as this child just assumes they can come in here and use everything (the pool in particular bothers me as it’s the safety aspect. My youngest is 3 months old so I’m fairly busy as it is, trying to deal with a baby and watch my own young kids in water. Even with DH here it we are keeping a constant eye on them).

Am I just being miserable though?

How is he getting into your garden? Do you not have a gate?

Put all your kids over the fence next time they have the hot tub on 🤣
Please do this! Just once!!😆

Sorry just see you answered that

Lift him straight back over!

Lift him back then tell your cf ndn next time she does it you'll be phoning social services for her abandoning her child.
Why else would you put your child in a strangers garden unattended?

When they lift him over the fence, do neither of you say a word? Do you make eye contact with the parents, do you smile? What actually happens in those moments..

No this is not normal but we have no kids on our road just mine so not something we have ever had

Lock your gates. Put up signs saying private poll session.

What a CF. Tell her to get her own pool.

OP she doesn't care about your feelings, so why do you care so much about hers? Her child, her responsibility! The kid will get over it!

You are going to have to have that awkward conversation with them op. Be firm and dont deviate from your answer. Lifting him over the fence is absolutely taking the piss.

What CFery.

She doesn't want to parent her child so she dumps him on you and expects you to take on the burden. That's why she does it. The main thing I'd be conscious of is the safety aspect. If something happens whilst he's there, you could be deemed liable for it. When you didn't even agree to have him in the first place.

He has his own pool. He can play in that. It's not fair for you to have to mind him or your DC to feel that they have to leave THEIR pool because she's decided she can't be arsed with looking after him.

You need to set firm boundaries here or in future, you're going to be dealing with more of this CFery just in different formats from her and maybe even from him once he's learned it from his mother.

I wouldn't say "He can't come in today, today is family day" as that leaves it open for other days. You need to be firm and clear that he's not allowed back in at all. Or else the door is always left open and eventually, even if she learns brief boundaries, she will slowly start to trample all over them again.

Don't worry about being seen as "selfish," "miserable," or a "killjoy." Or even about making the situation awkward. She's the one foisting her kid on her neighbours because she can't be arsed to do anything with him so she's the one who has put you in that situation. You're not responsible for him or for giving her a break because that is what that is. It's nothing to do with wanting him to have company and everything to do with her not wanting to bother with her own kid.

Each and every time he is lifted over the fence or appears in the garden bring him straight back home with a firm - I cannot supervise him right now, please do not lift him over the fence again. Do not say he’s welcome another time or suchlike, do not apologise.

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You will have to keep lifting him back over.

If anything happened to him, you’d be legally responsible as he’s on your property. And they’re the sort of people, who’d blame you immediately. It could ruin your life.

If it doesn’t stop, you should think about writing a letter and post it through the door that his child is not invited for impromptu playdates, that water play is dangerous and they should immediately cease lifting their child into your garden and abandoning him. Keep a copy.

Make a note of every time this happens. Protect yourself.

I'd definitely get a bigger fence! You wouldn't be unreasonable at all to say no, it is cheeky to assume it's fine without asking or being asked. We are fortunate to have a really large garden and have quite a decent pool so I'll sometimes invite neighbours and friends over, but if a child turned up every time it was out ready to go in I'd be like er no!

Send him home, every time. Just intercept him and say 'not today' and steer him home.

Yes I agree with this, be clear and consistent.

If this happened to me and I wasn’t. Happy about it I’d speak to the parents and say unless he’s invited then sorry the paddling pool is for my own kids and when your son is using it too they don’t get the use out of it, I would also say it’s a bit much having to watch someone else’s child and say you worry in case they hurt themselves.

And from then on it’d be a big no and a higher fence. If necessary lifting him
back over every time.

Well that’s tough tits! Not your problem they are just extremely lazy parents clearly.

Knock on the door before you put anything out and say that you cannot have their child in your garden when the pool is out because you can't be responsible for supervising him around water. That way you can with luck be spared the moral blackmail about disappointing a small child.

Just seen he has much older siblings. Well the mum is definitely using your children and you to play with and mind him rather than her and her DP and that’s not on at all.

Each time it happens you say no clearly and lift him back over the fence! Each and every time

He is not your responsibility. Anything could happen and you cannot look after him and your own DC.

Next time they pop him over the fence, pop him straight back over and say ‘Sorry, up to my eyes in it today, I haven’t got the capacity for anymore children! We’ll knock and invite little Johnny over when things are a bit calmer. Lovely day isn’t it? Enjoy the sun!’

Keep doing it until she gets the message and invest in a proper, sturdy fence.

If you want to stay friendly then soften the blow by letting him stay one out of three times she tries it. The other times just say you are too frazzled to be supervising as you didn’t sleep properly because of the baby. Once the precedent has been set, a breezy “not today, I’m not up to supervising” as you pop him straight back over the fence should be sufficient. Or hopefully she’ll have learnt to ask first if it’s ok.

Be friendly, breezy firm but consistent.

She is a CF!