Pools and neighbourhood kids

[Imdonewithsergio]

do your neighbours automatically assume their children can use your kids paddling pool? We have one neighbour who will literally send her child out with her swimming costume on if our pool is out. Child is 4. We have a large family (5 kids under 8). So I don’t feel comfortable having another little boy to add to the mix. I’ve tried speaking to them but I’m made out to be a selfish killjoy. The child in question is absolutely wild and my own kids give up and end up out the pool. She also sends her child into other neighbours gardens to use their pool/slide/water table/trampoline etc. it’s getting to the point I dread sunny days as this child just assumes they can come in here and use everything (the pool in particular bothers me as it’s the safety aspect. My youngest is 3 months old so I’m fairly busy as it is, trying to deal with a baby and watch my own young kids in water. Even with DH here it we are keeping a constant eye on them).

Am I just being miserable though?

We each have individual back gardens but it’s a new development with a large, shared space behind it too which isn’t accessible to the public. It has play equipment in it (shared). So all the children tend to play there but this wee boy is encouraged into other peoples private gardens by his parents. So he using their trampolines, our water table etc. he even uses things when families aren’t there as the parents lift him over the fence. I know another set of neighbours are really struggling with it as they have a religion with a set day of the week where they have a sort of rest day and strictly observe this as a family, don’t play with the other kids in the street etc. and they still just send their son in.

That's a good update!

right 7 foot fence if not taller rose bushes planted along the fence just case they pop him over by ladder .
OKay that may not work but say no and mean it if they pop im over the fence id pop him right back over and say not to day .

OP something like this could work nicely. Get some tall bamboo canes to use as posts and tie-wrap them to your existing fence, then tie-wrap the trellis to the canes.

https://www.bmstores.co.uk/products/expanding-artificial-laurel-and-leaf-trellis-2m-x-1m-393526

This happened to me 15 years ago, we had the trampoline, the paddling pool and other garden toys. 1 neighbour constantly send her kids round to play and then sat in the sun with her feet up or went away and sat with other neighbours and friends.
I felt such a mug and the resentment built up until one day I just lost it and went mad! I sent the children home and told the mum how I was fed up looking after her children all the time and it stopped now!
It worked and she started inviting my kids over and things were a lot better - we are still neighbours now and it never caused a falling out or anything.
You need to stand up for yourself and say no. Apart from it being incredibly cheeky it’s an accident waiting to happen aswell with all those young children and water so for that reason alone please stop it now.

You have enough to do! Its very CF

It sort of takes the good out of your day as you end up just wanting back in the house and to feel less burdened.I feel bad as he is obviously excited to come play but they set that expectation by putting him in his swim gear and not discussing it with us.

This has made me chuckle!

Then as you firmly return him, you explain to him that his parents have been very rude and its bad manners to invite yourself round.

Does she do this when your DH is there too or just you?

Oh, well install a higher fence and tell them it's so their kid won't feel left out by seeing your kids playing 🙄
Their kid is going to grow up with a sense of entitlement and think he is being bullied everytime he isn't included in something. It's their job to find him playmates, not yours.
What happens if they put him over the fence while you are getting your kids ready, or while you are out? And he goes in the pool alone? Its incredibly irresponsible of them.

Maybe tell her that if she wants him to use the pool you and her will need to take turns supervising all the kids. She won't want to do that!

You aren't kidding! The first time would be the last.

We were lucky with our neighbours when ours were little - DS might come in shouting "Mam, I need 8 bags of crisps!", but I knew that somebody would be providing 8 packets of raisins, or 8 cans of pop, or whatever, if not then, then the next day.

When they got to "big" school there were a couple of parents who would feed their own child but no-one else's (generally the wealthier parents, too) and when their child came to our house I would chase them home at feeding time. (I would never sit and eat a meal in front of someone else - even a child. I'd either feed them or "evict" them.)

We all soon got to know which parents were the bumholes.

<wondering if they would have the cheek to deliver him via a drone> 🤔

he even uses things when families aren’t there as the parents lift him over the fence.

That's just bliddy dangerous 😧

another set of neighbours are really struggling with it as they have a religion with a set day of the week where they have a sort of rest day and strictly observe this as a family, don’t play with the other kids in the street etc. and they still just send their son in.

And that's just bliddy rude 😡

She does it when we are both there. I don’t think DH has ever had the pool up in my absence.

The drone comment 😂😂😂😂

Does everyone in your neighbourhood just meekly allow this to happen? If I were part of the religious family I would have sent him firmly away the first time he turned up and told the parents this was never to happen again. Likewise if I saw him playing on his own on equipment in someone else's garden when the owners were away, I would consider calling the police about the abandoned child who is clearly in danger.

There is one woman further along who refuses to let him in, it’s her grandkids who he tries to play with. My religious neighbours are very non confrontational and their first language isn’t English which I think makes it a bit trickier for them. My friend also said they should be reported for allowing him to wander around unattended.

Definitely report. Those parents ARE dangerous.

OP Keep it up! I think your neighbours have just got used to free child care despite how potentially dangerous it is for you and indeed their child. However overwhelming that child is I feel a tinge of sympathy for him since he's obviously being farmed out. I'd go ahead with the fencing just the same but please no plastic - you could have a lovely fence with some excellent roses and climbers which will give you pleasure while making it harder for them to abandon their DC.

Honestly? This is a Safeguarding issue and I would report them to MASH/Welfare Services for child abandonment.

Make a call to social services? Safeguarding. This child is being left with random people and not properly supervised - especially if you aren’t in and they dump him over to play.

Don’t answer the door. Or if you’re caught by her say “oh sorry I can’t have your dc today, we’re full up… haha… byeee”

Tell them no . If something happens its you'd feel awful! My son passed by drowning and now I dont even let my older kids go swimming without me . I don't know how any parent could let their child to be honest . Its also very rude for then to assume its OK it not the kids fault it tha parents

I have visions of them firing him out of a cannon.