Page 10 | Pools and neighbourhood kids

Imdonewithsergio · 2023-06-04T07:48:59+00:00

do your neighbours automatically assume their children can use your kids paddling pool? We have one neighbour who will literally send her child out with her swimming costume on if our pool is out. Child is 4. We have a large family (5 kids under 8). So I don’t feel comfortable having another little boy to add to the mix. I’ve tried speaking to them but I’m made out to be a selfish killjoy. The child in question is absolutely wild and my own kids give up and end up out the pool. She also sends her child into other neighbours gardens to use their pool/slide/water table/trampoline etc. it’s getting to the point I dread sunny days as this child just assumes they can come in here and use everything (the pool in particular bothers me as it’s the safety aspect. My youngest is 3 months old so I’m fairly busy as it is, trying to deal with a baby and watch my own young kids in water. Even with DH here it we are keeping a constant eye on them). Am I just being miserable though?

BluePoolNoodle · 04/06/2023 17:24

They really are CFer. He has siblings and a pool. Just wow.

LocalHobo · 04/06/2023 17:28

sends her child into other neighbours gardens to use their pool/slide/water table/trampoline etc.

Which part of the world is this? Is your whole neighbourhood/street open to each other?

belinda789 · 04/06/2023 17:37

Say "We didn't invite him". and "In any case, we aren't insured". That should do it.....

longtompot · 04/06/2023 17:39

2bazookas · 04/06/2023 15:32

LOL. We had a secluded back garden. Neighbour can't see in.

Neighbour can hear my gang of sons invisibly splashing around in their paddling pool (high fence). The kids all know each other from nursery. N knocks on the door and wonders if her only little princess can come to play while she goes to the smkt? Princess is all ready; in her swimming cossie.

The smkt is 5 mins walk away (and N has a car) but she doesn't return for three hours. She says, she could hear the children still playing so decided to put her feet up in her own garden, tinkly laugh. I say the kids are all still in the garden, come on through.

N very nearly bursts a blood vessel when she sees all the children are stark naked. Including princess. She is unbelievably horrified because Princess had certainly NOT seen a naked male before and if she had had ANY IDEA my sons were UNDRESSED she would never have been allowed to play.

It got worse. That evening N phones in a fury. At bathtime Princess told Mummy all about the penis, vagina and testicles. The boys next door told her. She hasn't got a penis because she's a girl and has a vagina. A vagina is where the seed goes in to grow babies and the baby gets out. Boys pee with a penis , she has seen them.

Princess's innocence has been lost forever. N cannot believe my sons know such things, let alone talk about it.

She didn't send Princess to play again.

Just brilliant! Well done on your boys educating the princess and maybe her mummy will think twice about leaving her precious one round other peoples houses for longer than she has asked for

longtompot · 04/06/2023 17:42

LoveSick64 · 04/06/2023 17:03

Who on earth voted YABU, I really thought this thread would be 100% YANBU

Probably the cf neighbour

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/06/2023 17:57

Fraaahnces · 04/06/2023 16:08

I’d consider a fence like this one:make sure it’s electrified.

That would be lovely with a clematis and a few sweet peas growing up it.

🤗

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/06/2023 18:00

OhComeOnFFS · 04/06/2023 17:00

Why would she want his CF mother sitting there in her garden?

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Just what I thought.

She may jump at the chance and drink all OP's coffee and keep hinting for a glass of something bubblier.

Ellie56 · 04/06/2023 18:53

2bazookas · 04/06/2023 15:32

LOL. We had a secluded back garden. Neighbour can't see in.

Neighbour can hear my gang of sons invisibly splashing around in their paddling pool (high fence). The kids all know each other from nursery. N knocks on the door and wonders if her only little princess can come to play while she goes to the smkt? Princess is all ready; in her swimming cossie.

The smkt is 5 mins walk away (and N has a car) but she doesn't return for three hours. She says, she could hear the children still playing so decided to put her feet up in her own garden, tinkly laugh. I say the kids are all still in the garden, come on through.

N very nearly bursts a blood vessel when she sees all the children are stark naked. Including princess. She is unbelievably horrified because Princess had certainly NOT seen a naked male before and if she had had ANY IDEA my sons were UNDRESSED she would never have been allowed to play.

It got worse. That evening N phones in a fury. At bathtime Princess told Mummy all about the penis, vagina and testicles. The boys next door told her. She hasn't got a penis because she's a girl and has a vagina. A vagina is where the seed goes in to grow babies and the baby gets out. Boys pee with a penis , she has seen them.

Princess's innocence has been lost forever. N cannot believe my sons know such things, let alone talk about it.

She didn't send Princess to play again.

MostlyHuman · 04/06/2023 19:01

ejbaxa · 04/06/2023 11:43

Well as an ex people pleaser and conflict avoider, I’ll clear that mystery up for you. People who do this have often grown up with a parent who is abusive and do anything to avoid confrontation as a result - consciously or subconsciously. My father was angry and violent and it turned me into a confrontation avoidant people pleaser. I didn’t even realise for years- it’s an ingrained behaviour. I smoothed over and avoided lots of conflict. Fortunately menopause fixed it for me and I’ll now say whatever I want and don’t care. And I’ve cut my father off.

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Absolutely correct EJ, this was me as well. Frustrating when the sheltered and pampered can't use their imaginations to understand what life has been like for many of us. Then they blame us for being the victims of CF's bad behaviour, always lovely to read🙄. How about we blame CF for being CF.

Appreciate the rest of the posters giving the OP some ideas/support to deal with the situation rather than blaming her.

EarthSight · 04/06/2023 19:31

The child in question is absolutely wild and my own kids give up and end up out the pool 😂

Oh the cheek of them OP. This actually made me laugh but I feel bad for you the more I read your post.

It's the ace card of manipulative people (who most of then know they're taking the piss) to make YOU out as if you are the bad person. They don't like someone standing up for themselves and saying 'no'. They know that people are soft and are prone to feeling guilty, so they pray on that.

Perhaps you and the other neighbours should all round-up your kids and just send them to hers on a daily basis?

fitzwilliamdarcy · 04/06/2023 19:32

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/06/2023 18:00

Just what I thought.

She may jump at the chance and drink all OP's coffee and keep hinting for a glass of something bubblier.

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Op would find her in her bed fast asleep.

EarthSight · 04/06/2023 19:43

@oakleaffy @ZeldaWillTellYourFortune I had a very lucky escape when I met what might have been my future next door neighbour when I was viewing a house to buy.

She made it clear (on the first time I every met her as a prospective house buyer) that the back area used to be one big garden (although the plots of land were split into two and did belong to different houses). The house owners had installed a fence, much to her disapproval, which she was vocal about. There was currently a waist high fence installed where she had full, direct view of the entire garden of the next house so she would been watching whoever bought that house, and glowering at them, all day.

To me, that's definitely a negative as a potential buyer. I've lived in houses with zero garden privacy. You never feel like you can just be out there on your own and the thought at having to upset new neighbours by installing a 6 foot fence is a downer for me. I'd rather it be installed already so it's out of the way.

70sTomboy · 04/06/2023 19:44

No DC anymore, but I had a 6ft fence installed to keep the dog safely in. Neighbours complained that they couldn't talk to her through the fence. 😂

billy1966 · 04/06/2023 19:54

That fence would be my absolute priority in the OP's place.

Way ahead of socialising and holidays.

It will be hugely life enhancing.

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/06/2023 19:56

fitzwilliamdarcy · 04/06/2023 19:32

Op would find her in her bed fast asleep.

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Probably wearing her best nightie . . .

Gothambutnotahamster · 04/06/2023 20:06

SparklyBlackKitten · 04/06/2023 15:18

Lift him back over.
Tell him he can't come over

Dont say "sorry you can't come over"
Just state it as a no negotiable "you aren't coming over"

Get a new fence asap
Or get some barbed wire in the meanwhile
And If questioned about it just state it is for foxes that keep coming into your yard or something

I would actually ring social services/police over it.
This woman is neglectful to her own child and literally dumps her kid in someone's back yard!!!

I was going to type my own reply but this sums it up perfectly. Be strong Op!

BreatheAndFocus · 04/06/2023 20:08

Get a nice, high fence sorted! You’ll breathe a sigh of relief! In the meantime, you have to stick up for yourself. Practise in advance what you’re going to say if you don’t like conflict, then you can say it pleasantly but confidently. Be careful that you don’t give a get-out clause, eg don’t say you’re busy today because the CFs will take that as an invitation to lift their child over tomorrow.

I think it’s sad this child is driving yours out of their own pool.

Beautiful3 · 04/06/2023 20:09

Put up a taller fence and lock the gate. If they knock say, sorry they dont play well together.

Orders76 · 04/06/2023 20:14

How did today go OP?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 04/06/2023 20:42

@OhComeOnFFS , my point was, if she’s trying to use the OP for free childcare, while she enjoys P and Q at home, she’d be almost bound to turn the offer down.

Original poster

Imdonewithsergio · 04/06/2023 20:42

LookItsMeAgain · 04/06/2023 15:04

I've had two thought.
Firstly you could charge them an hourly rate for looking after their son and send her a bill for that.
The other thought is to watch from an upstairs window with a decent water pistol and providing your aim is good, squirt whichever parent lifts their child over into your garden.

I love this 😂

OP posts:

Original poster

Imdonewithsergio · 04/06/2023 20:43

Orders76 · 04/06/2023 20:14

How did today go OP?

Today was a much better day. We were firm and said we were having a family day and it was too much to take anyone else on. They were clearly unhappy and pulled faces but eventually they got their own pool out and sat with their son (albeit with their back to us). But I will take that as a win.

OP posts:

Original poster

Imdonewithsergio · 04/06/2023 20:46

MostlyHuman · 04/06/2023 19:01

Absolutely correct EJ, this was me as well. Frustrating when the sheltered and pampered can't use their imaginations to understand what life has been like for many of us. Then they blame us for being the victims of CF's bad behaviour, always lovely to read🙄. How about we blame CF for being CF.

Appreciate the rest of the posters giving the OP some ideas/support to deal with the situation rather than blaming her.

Show quote history

Do you know, I’ve never considered til now that this might be a factor for me. We had a very very hotheaded, abusive dad. While he is a lot easier going now- I would have done anything for a quiet life and I wonder if that’s a lot to do with how I am now.

OP posts:

eatdrinkandbemerry · 04/06/2023 20:48

My neighbour always asks if her son can come over when we have the pool out. Sometimes I say yes other times no but we are friends so it's not cheeky.

ChilledBeez · 04/06/2023 20:50

To add insult to injury, the CF NDN used to pass a picnic through the fence for her daughter only and often used to call her over (to the fence) and give her an ice lolly without giving my two anything.

That would have happened once - and once only.